Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Hopalong:
Me too.
It had upset me a lot more than I realized.
Another toxic, Nish male in my "safe space."
And I'll miss the sweet people in the group he runs.
But I don't assume the pres. will do anything to enable him.
She's aware and knows what he's partly about, so if he tries
to take on more influence, she'll be prepared to react. That's plenty.
I can't find any fault with her response to me at all, I felt genuinly
supported.
I still feel a few ripples dragging me down but I will let it go
all the way. It just reminds me of a cycle of being myself and
being considered a threat by certain kinds of men near my age.
I hate being targeted with malice or lack of integrity. It's like
wounding a rhino when you prick that old male ego sometimes.
Ugh. Release release release.
hugs and thanks again,
Hops
PS The thing the whole episode reminded me of most was how M. would tell me coldly that I was "resistant." He didn't even grasp what he was revealing by that...that he MUST have the power and the control. Two years! Why did I do that?
lighter:
M was a master course for you, Hops.
He was more than the problem. He helped shine a light on your causes and conditions.
He smacked (fig.) that Hops eating zombie fork out of your hand. It was magnificent!
I think time with M taught you how to keep yourself safe.
Time with M was more than wasted time, IMO.
Yup yup yup.
Lighter
Hopalong:
THANKS, Lighter.
That is such a mature perspective and I'll aim for doing better at it.
(Recent situation just was unexpectedly trauma-ish, but I dealt with it fast enough. And fairly well, I think.)
I just imagine, as you did with YG, having FASTER wise reactions to people like him. But I suppose a couple weeks as compared to a couple years is progress! Even though there's frustration in the short term, I think I can focus on what you're talking about.
I did learn.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
If you didn't responsed exactly like you wish you'd responded to the recent situation.... it just takes time to reset default settings and internalize the new ones. No failure...just more opportunity for practice, IME.
I look forward to practicing wry responses without hesitation and I DO that with the Cowboy... all the time. There won't be any misunderstandings, bc NO to whatever it is I won't tolerate... and I say NO whenever it needs saying all
the
time
when we're sharing company. It's wonderful practice and feels amazing.
Responses that don't invite challenge or questions.... just the best, IME.
I think it helps when we (feeling very Royal today) aren't buying into whatever the difficult person is suggesting about us.... we're "resisting" or whatever it is.... when we don't buy in or doubt ourselves..... it gets easier and easier, IME.
I have to admit.... it pleases me to picture myself handing you a sharp pen with which to defend yourself, Hops. However you use it... write out ways to respond in the future.....practice saying them out loud...... or just poke people who enter your emotional or physical safety zones..... just pleases me to picture it; )
For my part, the next time I run into the yelly guy, I'll give him almost nothing and maybe NOTHING, depending on how he looks at me and speaks.
I'm not afraid to say F off. It's right there, on the tip of my tongue, along with an impolite grunt of displeasure at having to see him or a straight up refusal to acknowledge his presense.... just.....
right there.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Yup, bravo.
NO attention is better than negative f-you attention (my opinion only).
I remember reading something about "the narcissist in court" that advises to literally not look at them. No eye contact, just turning your own expression into gray rock.
That kind of blew my mind because when I did it with my brother (never once looked at him directly) in court, I swear that helped me win. He wasn't rational anyway, but I think I sensed he began feeling less confident. And it DID protect me from melting with fear.
I can imagine YG dressing like the Q-Anon rioter, running through the neighborhood seeking attention.
But a better fantasy is YG moving away. Buh-bye.
hugs
Hops
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