Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Meh:
--- Quote from: lighter on July 08, 2022, 11:05:13 AM ---I haven't been worrying about settinng boundaries with Yelly Guy and that's a good thing, bc yesterday it happened organically and without any reactivity. I'd just spoken with the Cowboy and he decided he'd bring his zero turn mower back to the house and I'd borrow it to do that bit of mowing Yelly Guy used to do. Right now Cowboy trades smoked meats with his other next door neighbor for lawn mowing services.
I chatted with the Nurse for a minute on my way to talk to Cowboy.... she had this look in her eye...... just.... she doesn't get it and I decided not to talk to her about Yelly Guy again.... at least not till she brings it up, which is likely very soon for reasons I'll explain.
Working in the drainage ditch pulling weeds and lobbing them into the piles of leaves and branches on both the Nurse's side of the ditch and mine, I worked for about an hour to clear the ditch properly. It was very hot, but not buggy and I enjoy the work... weed pulling meditation. The moss and ferns growing on the bank is increasing.... I enjoy watching that happen.
If Yelly Guy weed wacks the weeds into the ditch, they turn melt into messy and smelly decaying muck and then it takes hours to clear AND I end up covered in muck with my boots full of the stuff. Not good, so when the Yelly Guy whisteled up on me, like Sheriff Andy Taylor, all southern charm and ease I didn't think about my response....
I just grunted and gave him a short glare he couldn't possibly mistake for a come'hither look.... just..... I'm done having him mistake politeness for an invitation for him to make unwanted advances. Done. SO done. I can't believe I'm writing this, but..... I have no plans to ever be polite to Yelly Guy again. That might come to pass... will see. I still like his wife and might muster it up IF she's standing there, but maybe not. I'm trying to decide how much self sacrifice I'll make for the comfort of others and why I do that.
YG went on to say "Well, I'm glad I won't have to bring my weedeater over tomorrow."
I said "No. No, you won't have to bring your weedeater tomorrow or any other day, bc I have this handled,. just like I have the mowing handled. Thank you for your hard work, but you won't be mowing my weeds any longer."
Yelly Guy whined "Well, I do it for everyone."
I ignored him, told him to say hello to his wife, then went back to my weeds. I don't know where Yelly Guy went.... i didn't look up from my work.
Yelly Guy WILL "tell on me" to the nurse, and she might feel some way about it. She might want to talk about it. We can do that.
I need to drive the mower I borrow over her property...just a smidge... to get to the other side of the drainage ditch.... I think. maybe not. Will have to look at it with the Cowboy. I do't expect the nurse to have a problem with it and if she does, I can come round my house and access under the power lines another way. It would mean the nurse has chosen to go to war to defend Yelly Guy's honor.... that wold be a huge PITA.
That's my update and my sister texted "don't back yellly guy into a corner."
She's concerned YG will lose his mind and go nuts...which is a possibiliity, but I'm done living small and fearful to avoid being harmed or attacked by large, or small, men who don't like hearing the word NO.
Right now Yelly Guy still has reason to BE ON or arouond our street, bc of nurse. Once that's settled, and it will be very soon, anytime anyone sees Yelly Guy will be reason for concern and perhaps to call the police. Won't know till I hear from nurse.... depending on how crazy Yelly Guy's story is, I'll know. I wonder if I need to clearly state the conequencs for boundary stomping TO Yelly Guy. I mean, I expect him to overstep the boundary..... I guess I could have stated the consequences yesterday when stating the boundary, but
1. I do figure YG has to be a wounded child and I don't want to harm or provioke him and....
2. I SHOULD be able to state a simple boundary and just have it BE a boundary that's honored..... and......
3. It feels wrong to threaten to call the police on someone who's performing a "favor" without asking anything in retun besides pressing into the space of people the good deed doer is attempting to have unwanted contact with/sex/whatever against their express wishes, kwim?
Evereyone on the street is used to Yelly Guy mowing that grass and walking through this cul de sac to access the forest on a daily basis. That changes IF Cowboy, who's deeply distressed and maybe ashamed of the story, and I TELL the neighbors what Yelly Guy is about and that's bad ju ju, it's a very negative conversation, it's news no one wants to be true or deal with, IME. People often shoot the messenges when hearing that kind of information, is what I'm trying to say...... and I have to tell you.... I ONLY care what 3 of my 7 neighbors think. As long as I have those 3 people on board...and I think I'd have 4 of them on board, then all is well on Lighter's cul de sac.
I was thinking... if Yelly Guy appears to just fade away..... it's not an indication all is well. I'm not going to worry about it. I have a lock on my crawl space. The house is locked up. The only person with a key absolutely hates Yelly Guy.... I'm putting in some cameras, just to what I can see.... there's electricity in the shed, so a camera there will show me everyone passing or coming onto my property. Will be good.
So, I'm thinking the neighbors need to know it's not OK for Yelly Guy to come'round any more. If the nurse would ask YG to stop using her then there's ZERO reason for YG to be ON our street. Not that he can't access my yard and home through the forest, bc he can. it's just that his presence, from this moment forward, won't mean anything positive. It will be a boundary transgression at best and heinous fockery at worst. Once the camera is up on the shed, I'll know if Yelly Guy is accessing my property.... feels pretty well buttoned up.
I'm learning to wait for the other show to fall with grace and restraint. I will cross that bridge when I get to it and not worry about it until.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
These stories remind me of Maeve Binchy.
lighter:
If only Yelly Guy posts were works of fiction, mouse.
Meh:
--- Quote from: lighter on August 17, 2022, 09:58:43 PM ---If only Yelly Guy posts were works of fiction, mouse.
--- End quote ---
Hahaha. It's only from a distance though. Surely it's bothersome in person.
lighter:
The ED T called today while I was in VET partking lot with pug. It was OK.... we're on a wait list....4 ahead of us. I chose the best T with as many tools as I could get for processing trauma and all their T focus on eating disorders.
We can do family T and one on one sessions with T. I have contact info for a support group I can attend and I will. ACK. I actually experinced a shudder thinking about that... reminded me of the parent meetings and group therapy from wilderness program and therapeutic boarding school with dd21... Lordy. Oher people's pain, on top of my own..... is just more pain. Maybe it will be different this time if I stay above their pain and don't fall into it with them. Will see.
My regular T appointment on Tues was crazy but super productive. Lots of feeling faint while processing the legal trauma using AIT. It was wave after wave, then, at the end rising up from my stomach to the top of my head, then to my throat, then to my heart, then it ended where it began..... stomach and I think it's passed. That was the last round... there were many and I should have kept my hands on 2 spots but kept moving the non stationary hand to where the pressure and discomfort was.....it was an amazing experience and I feel better for it.
The girls seem pretty steady right now. Lots of laughter and business with joyful things. The pug is super attached to me right now and I'm on top of all her care. She sleeps with dd21 about 2 out of 20 times. When I get up in the morning, the Pug is glued to my ankle...moving with me as I move.... like a shadow.
It's an odd thing to have a little sentient bat faced being in the house, moving around at will, sometimes making demands and stretching for attention.... so cute. So dependent. So very lovely. We enjoy her so much and can't imagine our lives without her.
lighter:
DD20 says there will be a pug shaped hole in our lives when the pug is gone.
She says we'll need to get another dog.
Does anyone here know anything about A COURSE IN MIRACLES?
I ordered a book and haven't felt enough interest to dive in.
Lighter
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