Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Hopalong:
A little sentient, bat-faced being...what a wonderful descriptor. I always feel sad about bradycephalic pooches-for-profit but pugs are rattlingly adorable. Before I learned more about dog breeding I yearned for a French bulldog. Actually looked up "funniest dogs" because I so wanted a dog that would make me laugh. So I enjoy your descriptions of your funny, enchanting little sentient bat-face!
My Pooch is fairly humorless, but her life was very taxing. Sometimes she does make me laugh, in the way that giving side-eye while ignoring my comic monologues just makes me try harder. And then her tail starts going and I'm filled with joy to see it.
My ex-H had a Course in Miracles phase, as did a few friends. He also was a true believer in the Urantia Book (do Google it) for years. Personally, I'm repulsed by "revealed secret sauce" spiritual texts. I reject anything written in human language that purports to explain the spiritual authoritatively. I believe transdendence is innate to the human experience and humility and love the only gateways. Oh, plus I loathe stuff that's supposedly been "channeled." Went to visit a "channeler" in Va. Beach once years ago and rolled my eyes so hard I had to pick them up off the sidewalk on the way out. (I was very polite to everyone, however.)
All I can say is look for the origin stories of books/groups/movements like that, and pay close attention to the money trails.
And this is a wiser overview than my own.
https://matthewremski.medium.com/why-a-course-in-miracles-is-not-good-for-you-or-those-you-love-e36d26ddadda
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Thanks for that link, Hops:
I'm enjoying the TV series CHOSEN very much. My interpretation of Jesus healing people is....... his reflecting their divinity back to them....the peope heal themselves.
I can't imagine belonging to a group who believe their way of believing is the ONLY way. I like to pick up wisdom from all different people and faiths. It's all the same to me..... no matter what people want to call it....it's all one source, IMO.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Sounds wise and eclectic to me, Lighter.
I often think I'm a Cafeteritarian.
UUism allows room for that, mostly.
I have allergies to some religious things though, for sure.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Today's T session was rather flat...... I think all the work we've done lead to my figuring out the parts and peices of the things we worked on.....and I saw my ASPD h as a human being.... a wounded child...... a desperate person lashing out wildly, destroying his own life as he took me down with him and our children...... and ASPD didn't think he had choices. That just taken the emotional charge to zero without actually processing the things I used to be overwhelmed and triggered by.... the work we've been doing sort of worked on it while I wasn't aware.
Even a particular moment with my MIL..... her big horsey guffawing laugh at the courthouse after I'd been railroaded into making yet another deal..... brought up ZERO emotional charge and I think I was shocked. That big horsey laugh seemed like it would live in my mind... seem SO CLOSE.... in my face, for the rest of my life, but it's not.
Just gone and it was such a relief to have half our time left to mentally thrash about to identify.....
and you're going to appreciate this Hops.....
my identifying my NEED to be heard and understood (BECAUSE imo I have good intentions and want to at least be seen and heard and feel I'm understood for the facts I'm presenting) when maybe I'm not being heard and shouldn't be offering an opinion not asked for or it's just not my place to do the work of someone who's refusing to do what I feel they would insist I DO for myself in their position. It complicates things when it involves serious medical issues, bc a patient absolutely needs an advocate in the system to help them understand when they can't hear and have information fed to them when they need it to make big decisions.
This also ties into not feeling I had a voice in my FOO. And true or no..... it's going to be dealt with next week.
This brought up the brain surgery my father had that ruined his life... just dropped him in his tracks when I TOLD him it would bc I did dad's due diligence FOR HIM, but T said that's a rabbit hole........
And.... it's not about the surgery.... it's about my needing to control an outcome and control the flow of life changing information before it's too late, but then..... I end up the one being controlled, which is the definition of choosing to suffer.
So, today I had a check in with the distance and spaciousness we've created in the T's office, in my life generally, along with identifying a large blind spot so it's processed out next week.
I wonder what it will feel like to see someone running toward a cliff and my only response....
"let me know how that works out for you" being the only thing I have to say...... and feeling peace around it. I don't understand how that will work itself out of my limbic system, but I believe I can do it.
When I think about running toward a cliff..... and all the times I HAVE done it..... was committed to it...... regardless of wise words from people who had my best interst in mind...... I see this from a different POV. Maybe nothing would have stopped me and maybe no one should have tried. Maybe someone insisting their very good set of facts be heard and acknowledged would be the wrong thing for them to do.... maybe I would hate it.
On the other hand, I tend to think I'd LIKE to hear the thick and the wrong of things I'm running toward. I don't like to hear people say things they noticed BEFORE I ran off the cliff, but didn't say. I wonder why in the world they didn't just say it..... I guess bc I likely WOULD have said something, but then.....
I have time to think about this before next weeks session.
I think this touches so many things in my life. I think it will be a relief and restored freedom I can't quite puzzle out for myself,but trust will come.
Lighter
Hopalong:
WHOO.
Deep work and epiphanies.
I understood what you were describing, Lighter.
I'm sorry no one was able to catch you before you plunged.
But you've climbed back up to the top of the cliff, one handhold at a time.
That's something to build on, for the rest of your life. You did that.
hugs
Hops
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