Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Doin's - 2020
sKePTiKal:
Had a pleasant chat with ATT's tech support this morning. The tower had two issues, that got resolved today. So I'm back in business again and trying to get caught up.
Hopalong:
Soooo glad you're back, Amber.
Can't imagine where we'd be without you.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Thanks (((((Hops))))).
sKePTiKal:
So this weekend commences "Operation Hut Move". Weather permitting. Depending on whose forecast you watch we could get sprinkles, occasional thunderstorms (it's thundering as we speak), or the remnants of Laura.
Sealer went down on the great room floor downstairs; it should be dry enough for them to move the left over building materials from the two smaller rooms (technically bedrooms) to there. And Monday, the small rooms will get sealed. Hol is going to empty the storage unit this weekend into the great room downstairs.
I requested a 911 address, which we only found out today was required before final inspection. (Could've been done any time after the building permit was issued, but contractor didn't tell us that.) Electrician was here today, but doesn't feel like putting up sconces in downstairs bath; taking them off for wallpaper to go up; which can't be done until tile is completed next week... and then putting the sconces back up. Plumber comes next week - but NEEDS the tile done in that bath to finish his work.
So they're spending more & more time at the hut; including overnight. Which suits me fine - unless they head up here to shower & sleep, after midnight, to be out of worker's way the next morning.
On the one hand - I'm loving the peace & quiet; on the other - echoes of "empty nest" are there. But that's OK, coz she's "here" - without being in my space. It just might WORK.
Buck is having one more "go round" with MUSC. With the stimulator failing, he literally doesn't have any choice except to go back to them and pray they don't make things worse. There's a new doc as head of Infectious Disease, and they have to work/consult with the new primary doc. B gave them 30 days to get his pain under control so he can sleep; or replace stimulator - position paddles CORRECTLY - and then, IF the same neurosurgeon is there, that doc will insist on the morphine pump going in at the same time (why, he's never explained. I've been chewing B's butt to find out and if that's really needed since he was doing well enough without it). Of course, no surgery can even get scheduled, until he's certified clear of infection. That requires another round of ABs (or two) with an appropriate non-allergic drug and a letter certifying clear or not - to neurosurgeon.
B has told them, if they can't clear the infection THIS TIME, then he wants to be released from their care. That SHOULD enable him to go elsewhere. I am just a spectactor (and chief worrier) in this new circus. It's his body & life. And he can NOT finish up his to-do list if he's not able to walk and do. But I did clearly express how I feel about all this. It is the LAST thing I wanted to think about the LAST month (I HOPE) before he finally comes to live here. I know how long his recovery time is - and that's if a new problem isn't introduced and all goes well. It dredges up old fears and experiences. And I am well aware of the worst that could happen.
But the main thing is - this stuff is all a part of him; it's what he has to live with since the injury. It is difficult for me; but it's not impossible. I did sign up for helping him through this. It isn't ALL that he is, that is for sure. It's just the reality of his body he deals with everyday. And I suppose it sounds worse than it is - because I have such trepidation about allowing them to perform surgery on him again. But I have no say in the matter; and the stubborn man is doing it so he can get his D established at school (or plan B, if that doesn't materialize in this time of Covid)... and get moved here. I can't be mad at him. But I still think it's a big risk.
So you can put my anxiety level on that continuum we're talking about too. I know it's true, that all good things come to those who wait - especially gracefully - but my patience is stretched pretty thin these days and I'm a little spooked by stuff going on in the world these days. There is only so much I can do about that stuff in the world; and while it's not the same as "I don't care" - I can't focus on that without sliding into frustration & depression. So I focus on what I CAN do, to be ready for a month from now; adjust to the Hol not being here as much and regaining full control of MY space again... making it "just so" for me. And I can do stuff to weather the ups & downs of the world... to prudently cushion us from from the strange goings-on. It's all part of self-care, IMO. Resilience.
lighter:
Oh, Amber....
I think I'm.....
nauseous reading about more surgery, the creation of possible more problems, even if B gets IN and gets care.... they might actually make things worse.
Again.
You are made of super strong stuff, and so is B.
I'm sending big pink and white waves of healing light B's way.
::crossing fingers they get that infection under control, pronto::
I can't wait to read about your space as you morph it into what you want it to be for you... now: )
Lighter
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