Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Doin's - 2020
sKePTiKal:
My house is still crazy - I have a growing, curious, and stinky kitten right? The old man, Freddy, has made the normal kitty introductions: stare down & hissing... and now he's eating the little one's soft food if I don't watch him and they're playing. "Playing" mostly consists of the old man teaching the whippersnapper to become a real "cat". But I am the substitute kitty mama... so the rest of the time, Stinker is all over me - and I mean all over. Last night she crawled up my arm and over my shoulder and would've gone to the top of my head - like she does in bed, propped up pillows... but she couldn't balance up there and I shook her off.
I feel like I have a parrot on my shoulder. Arrrrggghhh! LOL.
---------
So. Buck is having the stimulator removed Tuesday. The paddle that's trying to escape his body is inflamed with infection and leaking (including spinal fluid) through various stitch holes in scar tissue. It's outpatient surgery... but it's possble (and the best outcome) if AFTER the surgery he is admitted and getting set up for IV antibiotics again, in a long enough course to actually CLEAR the infection.
I've done more research because it sounded absurd that he was told the infection was because of the metal in his body. Seems the devices & parts are coated with something that the infection really DOES adhere to. The manufacturer & FDA , NIH, etc are aware and have been for a few years.
My phone has been ringing - instead of notifying me of text messages the past couple days. He needs to talk. Afraid all his medical stuff is disappointing me or making me want to run the other way. Of course, that's what he's experienced in the past with other women. I ain't those other women.
His communication style is simple, direct and to the point. Even when he's talking about feelings. He means what he says and says what he means. I like that. But there's no way he could disappoint me because his medical care providers don't have what it takes to care for a goldfish. That's not something he's doing on purpose "to me".
But I'd bet money, someone told him that - and more - in the past. Hurt him, and so it "stuck". When I have him all to myself, I'll ask him - I can ask him anything, it seems, without seeing walls go up. Until then, I won't pick at that. Just reassure him I'm not going anywhere.
If they do admit him, they're going to have to let him up to move around because not having the stimulator could a) cause problems; weakness in his left leg and they may have to give him a special brace - and b) more pain than he's used to managing. If they just put a picc line in and keep him overnight/couple days and send him home... he'll be better off. Its torture to him to be kept in bed. He always feels better when he's up and doing. He knows he's got a strong mind-body connection.
So 2 weeks is the recommended antibiotic course; then they should wait 2 weeks and if needed, do another one. He wants to come up here in October; make the final move in November. He is still doing some clean up/repair on his house to get it officially on the market (and has unofficial offers) so I might get a hell of a birthday present this year. Just in time for the holiday madness - which I haven't really participated in for some years. But he'll definitely want to meet Mike's D and her kiddos; I have yet to meet her new guy - coz they are so busy all the time. And then we roll into Hol's birthday blowout spectacle.
But I'm still not counting on those chickens hatching. Things happen we can't foresee; plans are made to be adapted; and I just keep on keepin on.
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---I feel like I have a parrot on my shoulder. Arrrrggghhh!
--- End quote ---
This cracked me up, Amber...I am so enjoying that vision of you with Stinker. So funny. Kittens are amazing creatures!
I'm glad B's TENS paddle (I know it's the grownup version) is coming out. The description of the infection clinging to it was horrifying but made a lot of sense. I so hope the two rounds of antibiotics kill that for once and all. Though it's hard to think of him having to live with more intense pain since the paddle-thing isn't workable. I hope it's not inevitable that any such device is permanently ruled out....
Good that he's calling and talking it all out with you. That's really good. A lot less macho and cowboy. At some point in life, cowboys have to just walk a while.
Many hopes it all goes well...and meanwhile, it's also good that you're back in Amberskin, living in Amberland, and not moving into the henhouse. (How to Strangle a Metaphor, Part I.)
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Oh Hopsie.... woohoo....
What were you doing up at 1 am? The sleep thing not going that well yet?
I can't talk; I had to put Stinker in the bathroom about that time, she wouldn't let me continue drifting off from my book. I'm on Book 40 of a long epic series, that is total trash reading... but it's useful for bedtime reading.
I can deal with strangled metaphors... they may not always be elegant, but they are definitely more "real" to me, since it's part of my "and" equation theory of perceptual experience. LOLOLOL.... most valuable thing I learned in art school... how to make something sound intriguingly obscure & esoteric & apt at the same time.
Hopalong:
Hi you!
Well I'm not hitting it right 7 nights a week, and I think the last two (later onset) got squirrely because I suddenly have a little cluster of man stuff. Last night, that caused me to review one last time the ENTIRE thread here on M.
(But btw, since I started ashwagandha, the QUALITY of my sleep is much better. Amazing.) I'll need to get good and tired or whomp myself with a leftover Ambien to get back to nodding off earlier. But overall, the whole thing is still much better. I'm cranking the SAD light right now, and that also helps. Have to calibrate the amount of time depending how early or late I woke up and such but it does make a big difference. Keeping it up all winter long.
So this afternoon I go meet storyteller man at a lovely brewery at the base of the mountains. It'll be fun no matter what, already figured that out. Just kinda wishing I wasn't carrying the Covid fifteen, but so it goes.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Well, I've seen it said that a good night's sleep helps promote weight management Hops. I dunno the science/statistics behind that, but I don't think it can hurt. Cortisol LOVES when you don't get enough sleep...
I hope you have a lovely, peaceful meeting today.
I TRIED to finish the stone today. These were very complex cuts to go around the outlet boxes. I made a pattern, cut, dry fit and then custom adjust the cuts. But I got impatient and use of my "persuader" - rubber mallet - unfortunately created problems on the last one. So I've walked away. There is typewriter pecking going on in studio as Hol works up her resume for a part-time asst mgr position at the local events cafe. We both agreed it might be good for her to have some structured time again, and since this 15 hrs a week or less, and they have live music and Hol knows a LOT of musicians in B'more... she's willing to give it a shot until the film industry starts up again. Too much free time & her mental foibles are NOT a good combo. Especially since S has started to pick up jobs here & there now, setting up large events in DC again.
Nothing much going on around here today.
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