Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Doin's - 2020
sKePTiKal:
The whole thing is sort of a balancing act. And nothing is consistent month to month; year to year. It truly is my fault that I while I have been paying attention, I HAVEN'T paid close attention to how close to the edge things were getting. So much so, that our usual comfy "cushion" just isn't there anymore.
When the bookkeeper alerted me back in March... I started paying much closer attention but still didn't do a deep dive. Everything would be OK; it always has been. :rolleyes: Over the summer, I started tracking things closely... and coming up with options for balancing the situation. It's not like I hadn't predicted the current major imbalance years ago. But surely - surely - this was just a temporary situation, right? After all, even before the last election we were already talking about this and still believing that there was positive change just over the horizon....
I think I'm ready to change the Benegesserit prayer to: "Hope is the mind-killer".
It's not that I, or even we, did absolutely nothing to make small adjustments. It's getting to the point that for all intents & purposes, no one wanted to believe that this wasn't temporary. That it was permanent. And the few really "hot sales" years were the aberration. (Money people constantly sell the illusion that "growth is always infinite"; total P.T. Barnum hucksterism. Last time I talked to my guys, they were asking ME for advice/crystal ball predictions. LOL.)
So, facing the pit of the stomach fear is kinda my way of kicking myself. Head on; worst-case scenario. GO THERE. Have all the feelings, the absurd thoughts, get it out of my system. Rest, sleep, do the mundane stuff I do around the house to "make order" from chaos.... And then approach the problem again. Today I have one question to ask the bookkeeper... and then I'm ready to present the full slate of options along with my recommendations and how quickly to implement them.
I ain't giving up without a fight. ;) Business is SIMPLE. Or it should be. And once more people remember that, and this entropic mess that exists in our economy is finally decentralized again... (no, bigger isn't always better; just like growth isn't infinite) then certainty and predictability (or what can exist within reality) can return again, and people will take calculated, prepared risks again. And yes, the economy will start to grow - on a more solid foundation. The REAL economy - not this monopolistic, financialized, crony-capitalist wall st. thing that is some Frankenstein's monster.
I need to have a conversation with Buck. ;)
Hopalong:
Amber, I truly hear your sorrow for not having anticipated all this or not having tracked it very closely while you were preoccupied with the mountain.
I'm sure you and your brother are not the first employers to feel caught off guard by how bad things can get, with all the losses of jobs and health coverage, etc., that might possibly come with it. I'm sorry you and your employees are in this boat but guilt won't help.... It's the corporate sociopaths who discard 'em without a thought we don't need---folks like you who face the pain and also the responsibility are the good 'uns.
Trot out that amazing executive function and you'll make the best that you can now of a bad situation. I'm sure it feels awful but it's your role in this horrid time. You'll do it better than most and with empathy and a functioning conscience, that's very clear.
Good on you! Be kind to yourself while you work through it. I hope you and your brother find solidarity in the tasks.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Sunday was my day to immerse in the "horror of the situation" Hops. By noon, Monday... I knew what I needed to know be as informed as I could be with actual data. The rest of this situation requires ye olde crystal ball... intuition... some dusty, dry, reports reading... and digging down into trades literature... and maybe even throwing the i-ching.
By Monday, I need a building permit for the metal shop and final decisions on construction. Materials availability is starting to become a factor. Then there is the actual work I'm trying to do/get done before the snow flies. So, quick construction is a plus. That is also making it difficult to estimate jobs. I need to follow up on a couple of rent-a-men this week for a couple smaller jobs as it is.
Organized as much as I can be; pulling in favors where I can; scrambling and juggling. Good news is contractor's excavator is here; finishing Hol's pond. Top soil from that is gonna get used for raised beds and landscaping around the hut. A pad will get leveled for her garage - freeing up the garage under my studio again, for MY tools.
The weather is cooperating today... for me to take care of aesthetics (read: cleaning) the front porch which hasn't been in 2 years due to constant use and mess... and I can no longer STAND it. This one gets done before I work downstairs on the wood storage and the bit of garden I have going.
All this frantic work... is because obstacles, priorities, indecision on various people's parts and reality/weather earlier in the year. And it means I'm going through millernery wardrobe changes several times a day. But at least I'm not getting caught up in the constantly ratcheting up volume & cacaphony of the news...
I need these little breaks, to reflect on what's been accomplished; where I'm at in the timeline; what else needs to be dealt with that has slipped through the cracks of attention, when it's stretched thin. (Those are the things that'll keep me awake into the wee hours. OCD.) And I can keep going until I hit the wall. Buck can make me stop before I get to that point... but right now, he is doing the same thing where he is at, to get here. But in a few weeks, he will be here again.
So.... don't worry about me if there's more time between posts. I'm trying to squeeze every possible thing into the remaining weeks before cold weather sets in... and I'm running out of time. I'm good at this; as long as I know it has an endpoint... and I can go back to being rip van winkle this winter. Sit by the fire, drink tea... and snuggle my stray tomcats... of which, Buck is pack leader. LOLOLOL. Make cookies.
Twoapenny:
I'm sorry you've got all this other stuff to deal with as well now, Skep. I'm glad you've got Buck there - by phone at the minute, hopefully really there before too much longer. Business stuff is way over my head so I've nothing useful to suggest but I really hope that there is/will be some way you can weather the storm, even if it means some things need to change or it all looks a bit different once you come out the other side. In all honesty I don't think anyone really saw this as being a long term thing - I think most of us thought it was a bit of a rough patch that would right itself one way or another. Although numbers are high here, it doesn't seem to be doing as much damage as it was and most businesses here are getting by in their various ways so I hope the same happens over there soon as well x
Hopalong:
Keep us posted with short summaries as you can, Amber...
be thinking of you.
We (I) don't need every nut and bolt of the plans but would love to know you're okay. Just the headlines.
And ignore that if you need a total break for a while, it happens! (I just have separation anxiety, LOL.)
hugs
Hops
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