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Farm Doin's - 2020

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sKePTiKal:
Tupp, the duration of this situation is the crux of the issue. There is one imbalance that kinda snuck up on us, over the years. And then there's the fact that sales have slowed down a lot longer than we even knew there was a virus in the "wild". Yesterday was wild... to put it mildly.

But, before lunch I found 5 errors in the data in the accounting system... started the process to build B's shop... and helped out Hol with fancy dinner preps when I asked for her help filing my papers into some kind of order (it was done before she showed up... LOL) and regaling her with the details of the finances. I wrote notes on the reports, so if at some time in the future she's having to do the same thing, she has some explanations and the history.

Then, I started hosing off my porch before it turns chilly again.

Yeah, I went to bed early and if it weren't for Stinker... would've slept like a rock. Today is run to the stores, mail B's cookies, maybe stop at the permit office... and tomorrow run the other direction.

B says he will likely be here for the full blue moon on Halloween; and Hol is having some friends over for a bonfire, too. Some day, I'll clean house... LOL.

lighter:
The full blue moon....
🎃
B at the bonfire with Amber.

That all sounds really good: )
Lighter

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on October 08, 2020, 08:15:50 AM ---Tupp, the duration of this situation is the crux of the issue. There is one imbalance that kinda snuck up on us, over the years. And then there's the fact that sales have slowed down a lot longer than we even knew there was a virus in the "wild". Yesterday was wild... to put it mildly.

But, before lunch I found 5 errors in the data in the accounting system... started the process to build B's shop... and helped out Hol with fancy dinner preps when I asked for her help filing my papers into some kind of order (it was done before she showed up... LOL) and regaling her with the details of the finances. I wrote notes on the reports, so if at some time in the future she's having to do the same thing, she has some explanations and the history.

Then, I started hosing off my porch before it turns chilly again.

Yeah, I went to bed early and if it weren't for Stinker... would've slept like a rock. Today is run to the stores, mail B's cookies, maybe stop at the permit office... and tomorrow run the other direction.

B says he will likely be here for the full blue moon on Halloween; and Hol is having some friends over for a bonfire, too. Some day, I'll clean house... LOL.

--- End quote ---

The house dust can wait, Skep, it won't go anywhere!  You sound like you've got plenty else going on at the moment.  I'm glad Buck will be there soon.  I think the scale of the pandemic and the fallout from it has caught everyone by surprise.  I think we're all used to being able to fix problems in some way or other and it baffles me that in this time of technology, science and medicine we've seen the most advanced countries in the world buckle and collapse so quickly.  I certainly thought it would all be over by now and I know I'm not the only one.  I hope there are some options for you going forward xx

sKePTiKal:
Sigh. I'm tired.

SOME of the business panic has died down again. Knowing how frustratingly maddening trusting technology can be - I keep hard copies of all the important reports. The dining room table serves to lay everything out to the same page - for the last five years. A number that should've been consistent every year, wasn't. (My brain has the oddity in it's wiring, of being able to shift from the "meaning" of the number to simply seeing the numbers as objects within a larger pattern.) So I got the teacher's red pen out... and in going through those previous year's reports found a handful of my own notes from the last time we reduced the dividend. Sometimes it's hard even for me to decipher my own chicken scribbles... but what stood out for me, was quite significant.

The purported alarm was over two numbers that would imply disaster, if that one little note wasn't part of the equation. The big number was deducted ALREADY from income; and the little number - while successively shrinking over the years - was what was left over after all the accounting was accounted for. But it's still a positive number. The alarm was created, based on the opposite understanding.

I had to remind my bookkeeper of that; letting her know I had it in my notes... while I was learning to read these reports. We also addressed the discrepency in the number that should've been the same every year - and she knows what mistake happened. We laughed about it some... but I sure am glad I took bookkeeping in HS. And worked with databases. And did the troubleshooting on database and web application software. I had an uncanny knack for letting my intuition sniff out where the problem was - or what didn't "look right". It was hard to shift back into that mindset after 10 years away from it... especially in the middle of a major panic attack; the alarm that was created was akin to an immediate life/death survival struggle -- because the implied message she was giving me was that the business was essentially bankrupt. And that was so far from what I knew to be true - because I've been keeping a close eye on these reports since Easter, when she started dropping hints about this. There was NO WAY I missed an implication that huge - unless I'd really gone around the bend.

Turns out I didn't. And this whole thing might have been motivated by attention-seeking. (While real errors were allowed to persist and would eventually snowball into a total mess.) She wanted to tell me she decided to retire next spring. She's 78; learned the new software - with grumbling & difficulty, but did it and that's a serious accomplishment - and because I'm not even in the same state, and am trying to just have my own life after all these years - that also creates the impression that I don't care. But that's why I have a "guy in charge" on site, day in and day out... and the top 3-4 people in the office/shop to handle the mundane affairs. The guy in charge is on vacation for 3 weeks. And the last time he took an extended vacation, this same kind of thing happened with her.

I could spend the time to try to analyze this situation, change my behaviors somewhat - but to what purpose? My motto has always been to be friendly with the employees - but NOT friends. Just like in this situation, if I had to make hard decisions about reorganizing the business or downsizing it... I couldn't afford to be friends with some of the employees and still be fair & objective. Not without putting myself through even more agony.

The best thing for me to do when blasted with adrenalin like earlier in the week, is some physical task that requires paying attention (like washing dishes) but doesn't tax my brain. So my porch is cleaned off now and re-arranged for winter. Today's job is going to be string trimming. I've been going to sleep reasonably early, and carving out that early morning quiet time for myself again.

Hol's dropped in on a daily basis; usually mid-morning coffee and coordinating the day's activities. Sometimes longer. One of her girlfriends is coming out this afternoon; maybe an overnight. Hol spent a whole day trying to get the wood splitter running. Frustrated beyond belief, she was. She had all but taken the carbuerator apart. And one of the guys working here took a look at it for her. Exhaust pipe plugged up by mud dauber wasps. She would not have welcomed my getting involved; didn't want that at all. Resented me asking Buck about it too. But she is coming to appreciate why mom wants the important equipment under shelter when not in use. Why I want things grouped together by use. Tools cleaned & put back - and I'll settle for just put back.

Buck is making plans to get here end of the month; another week long visit. He has a couple more medical appts coming up; at this point he's pretty sure the hospital is going to just release him from care; completely. Which suits him FINE. There is left over stuff that is still problematic for him, going forward. But he really doesn't want them to deal with it. Still nothing from the Navy.

I told him last night, I was hoping this trip would be the last. And of course, these dates aren't completely written in stone either. There is always SOMETHING that comes up that creates a delay. Something important enough to stay there and deal with. I can't help being disappointed at this point. And that's even after I've determined to just continue on "doing" what I need to do here, and deal with that... and not let myself depend on the happy energy created when he's around, to "do" or to sit around & mope because it's going to be longer than I thought till the next, or even last time... when he'll just "be here". I'm even forgetting to carry the phone around with me... while I just do what I'm doing in my own space. This is getting tedious for me in a superficial, ego way.

It doesn't feel like I'm changing my mind about the commitment; my feelings for him haven't changed; but I also don't feel like pining away for something that isn't going to - or can't happen - within the timeframe we tentatively agreed to.  I could just be tired, too. Some of the "shiny" is wearing off in this phase of surfing the waves. Patience, my ass. I've been taking care of myself long enough - and taking care of how many others? to greater or lesser degrees - that I'm just fine. The only thing I want - that I can't do for myself - is have someone else take care of me sometimes. (Yeah, my mom called again yesterday. Same shit, different day. Once again an hour's tirade on how ill-used she is... and no interest in me, my life, or taking care of me. She doesn't even bring up Buck; and I know I told her. The universe sometimes puts up neon signs with stuff we need to pay attention to.)

I have some easy ideas of what I might do to perk myself up a little bit.

It's going to rain the next couple days, so if I hope to have another task done in prep for next week, I must needs plod on.

Twoapenny:
Tired is understandable, Skep.  I'm glad the business situation isn't looking as bad as it seemed to be, but it's tiring when you have to keep on top of things yourself even when other people are involved in doing the job.  There is a lot to be said for old school methods of bits of paper spread out and checking it line by line - I've done it loads with my son's stuff over the years and it's amazing how one small mistake (genuine error) one sheet can spread and create a completely different story.  Good to be able to check it.

I agree, pining for Buck won't make things happen any faster.  He'll be there when he's there, hopefully sooner rather than later, but it's out of your hands so keeping active and getting on with things makes sense to me.  It's a shame your mum can't be a little bit more supportive.  Even just a tiny bit can mean a lot.  I'm hoping you can maybe sleep a bit easier now you know the business situation isn't as dire as it seemed and that the better sleep will help you feel better xx

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