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Farm Doin's - 2020

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Hopalong:
You will.

It'll ALL make sense in time.

Wise move to channel that anxiety into action, girl.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
And he's still on the road. I ate 5 hrs ago. I'm keeping the shepherd's pie warm for him. Made a pot of coffee (it helps him sleep in some strange way). I'm drinking most of that pot; with some Irish additive... otherwise the coffee will keep me awake. I'll make him another pot.

He's about an hour out now. Been on the road since 9:30 am. He isn't the kind of person that needs a LOT of sleep, but this last stretch through my hills has me sitting up waiting for him. He has to go slow with the load he's pulling.

I am crazy calm, now. It's all OK. He's coming home.

Hol gave me my birthday present early; she hit Vic's Secret when she was in town today. I have a weakness for satin PJs. They're just the right weight for fall. Not overly racy; but luxurious. It was a really nice thing to do. Despite her rough edges, she really is a good kid. She and S will probably go hiking tomorrow. So we can sleep in. She found out today that one of S's ex-girlfriends - that he's still friends with - has cancer. That "girl" can't be 40 yet. I've only met her briefly - but that's kinda hitting me. Why so many young people? Mike wasn't even that old; his mom was in her 80s when she passed.

And I've cycled back into being really emotional again. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I think I was afraid of being misled by emotions and not being "rational" - and so shut all that down for a bit... except it was still there subconsciously; and hence the strange panic attack yesterday. If I deny my emotions - I pay for it. Or so it seems. That might not be accurate - but sometimes the intensity of emotion is just too much for me. My imagination & flights of fantasy run wild & free... and I KNOW I need to be more balanced. Or so I've been told. Part of me thinks those cautionary limitations, keep people from actually LIVING life - meeting the adventure head on. Diving in; off the cliff. No risk; no gain. I think I'm about over playing it so safe, that I don't actually LIVE. So adjusting the line of the balance.

I've always had that wild hair side of me. But I've seldom given it free rein, because it didn't seem prudent or wise or protective. Maybe I need to drop some of the protective boundaries a bit. Not to the point of foolhardiness... but enough that I might actually have some damn fun? And feel ALL the feelings? And be as real as I can be? Instead of guarded six ways to Sunday - so that I don't get to enjoy anything. That doesn't seem like any sane way to live. Where I sit now.

I don't have kids to raise; Hol has a good head on her shoulders even if she is struggling right now. I don't have to make a living to support myself in my old age - if I outlive my current money, or some catastrophe strikes - I grew up dirt poor; I can do that again and still make "happy". By some odd coincidence, I've met someone on the same wavelength at this age... and I "KNOW" him. And vice versa. And he makes me giggle like a school girl. And he's all man... and while I still have my issues with that, they're known & minor. He's not going to stifle me - au contraire, he empowers me to be more me. Witihout doing anything except being him.

OOOOHHHHHHH..... and he's close now. I know he's tired; he's sore from sitting all day. God bless him, I've got dinner, coffee & cognac, and a shower for him.

Anddddd... scene closes.  I'll be back later girlfriends.  :D

Hopalong:
I can hear you purring from here, Amber.
I'm glad you two are going to have this time!

Meanwhile, just so you know....alcohol doesn't counteract caffeine.
You just have caffeinated alcohol. LOL.

I think you'll work out the balance of listening and letting all your wild hair fly just fine. I don't blame you for some last-minute fear but don't believe it's running you.

Hugs,
Hops

lighter:
 Yeeee.....
this is happening!
Just keep breathing, Amber: )

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Questions... answers... calmness...
and some amazing unprompted comments.... so that I don't care that it's raining all day.

:D

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