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Farm Doin's - 2020

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sKePTiKal:
I liked it too.

Having a quiet day. Watching the Hobbit. :D

Hops - Hol did offer to drive kitty. But time & effort wasn't the main issue. It was her trying to make the decisions about my kitty... and the prioritization of kitty's needs over human needs. All I really needed was a few hours of peace & quiet instead of having an argument thrown at me every 5 minutes. And I couldn't just ignore her; she'd show up and continue making her case. Sigh.

We worked it out. All is well. She is very much like her dog - a pitbull - when she thinks a little too much of her "right" to step across boundaries and there is a poor defenseless creature who isn't being tended to her standards. Stinker isn't in pain; and he's even getting around OK. I opted for more information, better imaging and a second opinion from the orthopedic surgeon vet. They'll send me an estimate for surgery - which apparently is quite pricey, and doesn't guarantee he won't reinjure it later doing something else he shouldn't. He is saying the surgery isn't absolutely necessary - but Stinker will probably be more of a house cat, than outside cat. And always limp.

His point was many people in the world don't have access or money for adequate healthcare; and to spend so much on a cat - even one as sweet as Stinker - is an odd ordering of priority. No mention of having to put the cat down by Dr. Morales either. Stinker wasn't going to go outside till spring anyway.

Now there's a chance of a decent snow mid-week. Things should be real quiet then.  ;)

Hopalong:
 I understand, Amber, that makes sense.

If Stinky isn't in pain I'd be content with a mild limp and indoor life.
If $$ doesn't permit more extensive treatment.

Much as I am in love with pets, I've always felt I'd never give
them chemo, for example. Rather a gentle appointment for a gentle exit.

I'd also not like anyone else, family or not, telling me what to do with a pet I love and have accepted responsibility for. I'm sure you'd never let Stinks suffer.

(I do get the picture about Hol's pushing. My D gave me a great deal of grief about my final appointment for our previous dog, whom I loved deeply. She just didn't want her to go and I, who had observed B-dog closely day in and out for years, knew the joy of life had left her and she was dealing with both chronic pain and incontinence. She 'told me' she was ready. In fact, another time I'd even do it somewhat sooner.)

hugs
Hops

Twoapenny:
Well Skep, my kitty means as much to me as any human (in fact she means more than most humans do to me!) so I completely understand getting different opinions, accepting a 'less than perfect but still very nice life' option if that becomes the best one available and spending as much money as is available if that's needed.  I have spent a small fortune on my cat over the years but it's what's kept her healthy so it's money well spent.  I was watching an animal rescue programme yesterday (I am a sucker for those rescue shows) and two cats had legs amputated after accidents and both were whizzing around on three legs without a care in the world.  So I don't imagine a pain free limp is going to hold Stinky back much in the future.  It sounds like you're doing the sensible, rational thing to me.  Maybe you need a number code to get in the front door that you can change when you need a bit of peace and quiet ;)  Lol xx

sKePTiKal:
Tupp - that's funny about the doors, 'coz those are the locks on the Hut. She has a key to my place - a precaution that's sensible. But out here, we don't lock the doors. Yet. Don't have to.

Yes, I think a reasonable amount of care & repair for pets - especially for pain relief - is essential. But I'm not going to spend more for more care for an animal than many humans get. This surgery can cost a grand or so. And then, there's the really long recovery period which will make eating & kittybox a challenge to say the least - AND hurt more.

The first vet jumped to the extreme worst-case scenario - and according to the surgeon, a lot of the potential consequences apply more to dogs than cats. But since I knew kitty wasn't in pain it shocked & scared me to hear all that. So I declined his referral to his preferred surgeon - who he said was only in Winchester a couple days a week anyway - and called another one of my choosing. And when Hol heard the worst-case - she immediately jumped to: must save kitty at all costs mode. Her anxiety has been just a tad intense lately (virus stuff).

That's where her lawyerly argumentative characteristic comes from too. She only pauses long enough to breathe and find another angle to a) guilt someone into doing what she thinks is the correct thing to do and b) appeal to reason using all the available logical consequences of each choice -- in a biographical, footnoted exhaustive fashion. Anxiety and competitiveness (I will be the MOST comprehensively caring person EVAH) contribute to this. I know this about her, not a surprise. And sometimes it's actually a good characteristic. It has it's uses.

I was juggling way more that week than I normally have to - and deadlines were involved too. So her coming at me, that way, wasn't helpful to ME. And she simply didn't want to hear about my feelings - or acknowledge them as "the right feelings" for the situation. Previously, my fight/flight reflex would've reacted as if she were a threat. I could see it start to build... so that's why I told her to back off. It's a little raw; but it's direct and a warning about a boundary. And she doesn't take stuff like that personally. We can say worse than that to each other w/o repercussions or spiraling. Situationally dependent of course.

Stinker knew; and gave me some cuddle time right then... and in 5-10 minutes the whole overwhelm state had passed. Hol & I parsed the whole interaction later. I think she finally "saw" how her doing what she fully believes is the right thing to do - goading someone else into her way of thinking/action-oriented response, at whatever cost to oneself - isn't always the best tack to take. She even linked it to the origin of this behavior. So it really did turn out to be a teaching moment... and she'll be more intentional about when to apply that in the future. That behavior is why a lot of people label her as "intense". And while it has it's place - it's not a universally applicable interpersonal strategy.

And I think we uncovered another layer on her deeper anxiety too. For the first time, she grieved over some of her personal life choices and just really WAS the feeling. As cerebral as I am -- she puts me to shame. But I've learned how to let myself just FEEL my feeling till it passes. She's just beginning. I think it'll help her some. I know it relieved a lot of internal pressure that she was trying to keep contained with logic and rationality.

I'm going to try to appeal to her need to physically work today - there are a few things we have to do in preparation if there really is going to be upwards of a foot of snow here next week.

sKePTiKal:
PS - I'm actually feeling much better now. Like I said - everything passes. None of this is earth-shatteringly devastating either. Just daily, run o' the mill variations.

And I know why-fore it seems every day it's someone else's turn. So trying to maintain constancy as I can.  ;)

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