Silver Linings

[Hopalong]

Got it, Tupp.

Just vicariously...

I think one thing that would factor in for me in a shared actual "normal house" turned communal would be my awareness that people I really liked could suddenly move out, and people I'd have difficulty with could suddenly move in. That lack of control over proximity might deter me. Forced moves are torture and I crave staying, rooting...always have.

Whereas an independent, small but complete (except for dining room and LR and perhaps kitchen) space within a connected community would give me more sense of independence and privacy, I think.

But who knows. I'm sure creative and clever variations on the whole theme abound. Tiny House villages! There's an "eco village" in my town with small cottages and a big main house.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I just realised I got my threads muddled up and moved my replies on here to another thread because I thought this was the garden one getting derailed into commune talking.  Lol.  I'll move them back in a sec.  If you see the same thing twice now you'll know why xx

[Twoapenny]

I've moved these over from the Garden thread so as not to derail the garden chat

Quote from: Hopalong on Today at 01:47:06 PM

    Got it, Tupp.

    Just vicariously...

    I think one thing that would factor in for me in a shared actual "normal house" turned communal would be my awareness that people I really liked could suddenly move out, and people I'd have difficulty with could suddenly move in. That lack of control over proximity might deter me. Forced moves are torture and I crave staying, rooting...always have.

    Whereas an independent, small but complete (except for dining room and LR and perhaps kitchen) space within a connected community would give me more sense of independence and privacy, I think.

    But who knows. I'm sure creative and clever variations on the whole theme abound. Tiny House villages! There's an "eco village" in my town with small cottages and a big main house.

    hugs
    Hops


Yes, the dynamic changing would worry me as well, Hops, although from what I've read people moving in has to be done with the agreement of all members, which I suppose reduces the chances of someone you don't like taking a room.  But you only get to know people by living with them and things that don't bother you initially can become huge (I know from previous times I've shared with people!).  So there are lots of different factors.  I'm going to really, really take my time, and be completely honest with myself.  No more "I'll cope, it'll be fine" which is my old pattern.  One thing I will definitely do is make sure I have enough money saved to move us out again fairly quickly should the need arise.

I must admit I am really struggling with men at the moment.  I'm not entirely sure why but I'm really feeling uptight about men patronising, assuming they know more, being 'offended' if you have an opinion and being selfish.  I'm not sure why it's come up so strongly at the moment - maybe it's the lockdown and all the women I know telling me it's their partners causing stress and problems - the kids are fine.  And I keep finding myself thinking, why are these intelligent, hard working, creative, energetic women tiptoeing around guys who need a kick up the backside, from my point of view.  I feel very sensitive to what I'm seeing on the TV at the moment - women in skimpy outfits when men are fully clothed, women in every show being stick thin and looking like supermodels when the guy characters just look like regular men.  Probably just watching too much TV with not enough reality to balance it out but it's made me wonder how I'd cope if there was an 'alpha male' type in a community set up.  It's just something else to keep in mind, I guess.

[Twoapenny]

Tupp:

This living situation journey you're on will be interesting.  Just remember.... one situation, with shared living space, might work very well with one group of people, yet be completely wrong with another.

Maybe the group is more important than the actually space?

Certainly a large part. 

Having a space to be alone, and really enjoy being in, will be a priority, as will the group.  I think there's going to be lots of balancing pros and cons, in any situation.

I trust you'll do what you have to do, in order to figure that out.  I'm so impressed with your long gaze.... looking down the road, if things don't work out.  You're not seeing any situation as THE answer.  No catastrophizing, just plan A and B and C. 

Amazing!

Lighter

I think you're right, Lighter, it will be a combination of things, space, people and lifestyle, I think.  There's no rush.  I feel a lot calmer about it taking time to get it right.  I think the years passing has troubled me for a long time.  I wanted to get back to normal before .................... I'm not entirely sure what but 50 is my next big birthday and I've kind have had a thing that I wanted to be 'sorted' well before that.  But now - if it takes two years, five years, ten years, to figure out the next step then okay, it takes that long.  I feel a lot less desperate to move now that college is off the agenda.  And seeing how much son enjoys being at home (and me, too) has made me less concerned about any kind of full time support for son.  The lockdown's been a lot easier for us than anything else.  Part of it is the remnant of being accused of neglecting him again.  I feel more like I can put that fear to bed now xx