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A place for the scary stuff

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lighter:
The contractor is the same one from the island.  The restraining order expired.  He's not stable on his best day, so the virus scare won't help.  You know the story, Hops.

There was violent behavior, CB  He attacked his employee on one occasion.  He threatened me with a knife, which was what got him fired, escorted off the property then onto a plane. He texted for days......mostly threats to run me and my children out of our home... that kind of thing.  The texts stopped when he got back to the mainland and his more stable influences... a friend who employs him,  who he respects. 

I think the idea of his coming around is upsetting, but the more upsetting piece was the feeling I wasn't entitled to protect or fend off a disordered person I don't want contact with.  I'm crystal clear with that now.  I've processed it and I'm not worrying about it now. 

The boy goes to school with youngest dd... they're juniors.   His mother is immune-compromised and she didn't want to get the virus.  I already had a child going to school, so I agreed to take him for the duration...  I thought would be about a month.  I guess that might be a much longer period of time now.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Okay, making headway:

--- Quote ---I think the idea of his coming around is upsetting,
--- End quote ---

Now I do recall the scary contractor (had forgotten he was working for you in the U.S. and also you had paid him to travel to the island and work for you there too...I think). What I'm utterly unclear on is why he is "coming around." But I think I'm beginning to put it together.

Do I understand this next with clarity?:

--- Quote ---The boy goes to school with youngest dd.... His mother is immune-compromised and she didn't want to get the virus.  I already had a child going to school, so I agreed to take him....
--- End quote ---

Forgive me if I'm way off, but does this mean that despite threats-with-a-knife and his other scary behavior, you still have some form of an ongoing relationship with this man and his family? To the point that [he? his wife?] reached out to YOU to ask you to take in their son, which you agreed to do?

I'm not accusing. My brain is just Very Confused. I think it's Big Boundary Stuff.

I'm sorry you're still coping with this kind of vibe in your life, Light. I hope clarity comes in and helps you find out how to avoid allowing it. (Which I know you are not doing consciously.)

hugs
Hops

lighter:
No, the boy has nothing to do with the contractor.

Contractor lives 30 minutes away.


Lighter


 

Hopalong:
Okay, that helps.

So are there are two separate boundary things going on?

A scary contractor who keeps "coming around" yet had an expired restraining order to keep him away from you? (Is it possible to have a new one issued?) What does he do? Appear and knock on the door? Do you open the door and speak to him? Does he call? Email? What is happening? How exactly is he appearing in your life and what is your response when he does?

A temporarily-adopted boy whose mother you have a friend-relationship with, and out of kindness agreed to take in, but you regret doing so?

Got your back, Lighter. Just find things too murky to follow sometimes. Or perhaps I'm too thick to fill in the plot details. Very likely. Again, I'm pretty literal, so opaque references send me spinning.

Hugs
Hops

lighter:
Hops:

The contractor isn't bothering me, except in my own mind, when I was stressed and couldn't sleep... it was reptile brain fight or flight reactivity stuff.  Lack of control over things I can't possibly control. 

I can outrun contractor's chain smoking, hard drinking arse, worst case scenario. Maybe he'd see the humor in his huffing and puffing slow plodding IF he wasn't too angry an......I just can't control that. 

SO... I think through what I can... I have male neighbors who wouldn't be cool with me being chased into their yard or house by an out of breath madman AND the madman has plenty of control over himself when other men are watching him.  That's all I need to think about that.

::nod::.

Having the boy here impacts decisions I make daily.... like not volunteering at Manna.  The boy can't go home for at least 2 weeks after I have contact with the outside world IF his mother wants to see him or take him back home.  Then I feel guilty for considering exposing MY kiddos to the virus and there aren't any easy answers around that.  It's circular, but nothing to do with him or his being here.

No boundary transgressions. No regret.  Just a bit of tension over caring for him and my girls responsibly while doing what I can for the community.  I swear I'm going to come up with a face shield in and the garage that makes going out an easy decision.  I haven't started digging through art supplies for that purpose, but it's time. 
Lighter

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