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Friendship Moments: good or bad

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Twoapenny:
I'm glad you've sorted it all out in your mind, Hops, and I'm so impressed that you're able to be so gracious about it all.  I'd have spent the last two days making voodo dolls ;) Lol xx

sKePTiKal:
HA! "Liquidly"....

Be the water Hops. When a pebble drops in, SPLASH!, the rings spread out and become slower & lower... until the surface is all a calm reflection of the deep stillness at the bottom of the pool.

Hopalong:
Well in spite of my lofty goals and desire to be spurchul and compassionate when hurt, Tupp, it's pretty amazing to have a friend whose mind goes to mental arse-kickings and voodoo dolls when the occasion inspires... I think you and my T would really get along!

Lighter, you're an instant meditation champ. There's a chance that if I keep thinking about water, though.... j/k. :)

It's pretty late in life to have figured this out, but I do think I've finally figured out that if you're quite sensitive in how you're wired, it's a good idea to avoid people who seem unkind (or who act that way out of unawareness). So I'm stuck with Patio but being in a "circle" with her anyway will give me an opportunity to examine boundaries, how well I hold them in silence and peace, etc.

Sometimes the Mean Girl in some women scents vulnerability like a bloodhound. So my opportunity will be to learn whether I can respect and hold my vulnerability while holding off her reflex to engage it.

I do have a better idea why she has commented so often about her social difficulty and how "nobody gets her" or "people don't like her." I don't want her to be lonely or disliked but MORE THAN THAT, I don't want to be a person who tries to fix her.

She's going through some very hard stuff right now (a mate with a terminal diagnosis). I've already volunteered to sit with him if she needs a break. My hunch, though, is that she will withdraw from me and not reach out any more. Just a feeling. (She might even leave the group, which would be unfortunate but I think maybe consistent with some patterns she's mentioned.)

Either way, that condescending "correction" was all I needed to know that she's not someone I can be myself around or be vulnerable.

It's kind of weird though, because the whole point of covenant groups is to build relationships in which you CAN be vulnerable and let down your guard. With all the other women in it, I'd be comfortable doing that. But now I know there's a different possibility with her, I'll have to figure out how to manage this. Both as the group leader and as a participant. Might not be easy.

A good thing is that I'm doing a training workshop with the new minister that's about a similar kind of small group, and participating in that will allow new connections with a good group of people too. There's ONE person in it whom I believe has boundary issues and has encroached on a friend's mate inappropriately so I avoid her. She approached me several times wanting to connect and I finally realized my spidey sense said, No, this vibe isn't healthy for me. So again, if you do group things...you've got to have some sense of participation balanced with self care. A good challenge, because it's just a microcosm of life in the world.

hugs
Hops

lighter:
You sound really good, Hops.

Growth is painful stuff, IME.  I wish the lessons came with a little notice, kwim?

Lighter

Hopalong:
Sure do, Lighter.

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