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Friendship Moments: good or bad

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Hopalong:
I do! Nothing like a little humiliation to reset the humanity meter.
I can laugh about it today.

Amazing how much stress the no-public-bathroom-visits pledge adds to a day.
I might even invest in one of those Tinkle Belles. I will feel pretty cool whizzing standing up!

In hindsight I think Patio's way of getting me to change the subject was tone deaf and not very sensitive. Then again, it may be that this was something she actually didn't know how to do. Her bluntness might be involuntary in some way. I'm not inclined to hang out with her more to find out, but I'm letting it go.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Hops... maybe SHE had to pee, but it was so important to her to be the center of attention she couldn't let the topic drift away into what other people had in their head or on their heart to talk about... that's why she "punished" you for bringing up your topic.

I tend to take note of those kinds of things but typically don't react in a group setting. If it's all the get together was about - everyone making her the center of attention and letting her dictate - I'd simply excuse myself and say I'd just remembered there was something I need to do today and gone home. Talk about a Queen Bee.

Watching grass grow or trying to estimate how thick the dust is on a surface is way more interesting to me and a better use of my time.

Says the grumpy old hermit lady. LOLOL. I didn't get a lot of sleep.

Hopalong:
Not grumpy, sensible!
Thanks, ((((Amber)))) -- I think you're right.

She is needing something right now and maybe bragging
and controlling her guests was the only way she sees to do it.
She talked a lot about a lavish party she throws every year
and how much praise she gets for it. Just...not my project.

Meanwhile, REAL friend stepped right up (in her reply) and
I have another coming by later and will be seeing or Zooming
with at least 4 people coming up soon.

I don't NEED to win the heart of Mean Girl. But do need to
hold on to compassion for her, as I lead the group. I can do it.

hugs
Hops

lighter:
Hops:

If you get your nose off the Pebble, see the entire field....w/ o judgment,...it's just information you need to make choices.
information.

Patio lady not gracious.... she's a poor hostess.  You trying to save her didn't go unpunished.  She told you who she is.  Now you believe her....she has sharp edges.  Just information.

You still feel comfortable caretaking and rescuing others.  Just information.

Other, closer friend is a more positive influence in your life.  Just information.

Not good or bad......just what it is.

One more thing.....it made me so happy to read about you peeing in yards!  My girls have enjoyed doing that since very time.  Some people are ok and comfortable with that....and as I learned from some friends and neighbors....some are decidedly not.

Oh well.  You're always ok and lovely, just as you are....here, ((Hops.))

Lighter
P.S. Still pecking out posts with one finger so add 2 cups of compassion and leave out a pinch of what might seem being ordered about; )  You got this when you remember to be kind to yourself, drop judgment and accept everything as it is, right?

Hopalong:
Thank you, ((((Lighter!)))))).
Yes to all you said. I really appreciate it.

Told my T the tale today, including how I processed it, what I did for myself in that light (such as sharing here) and how rapidly I began to feel fine again. I AM fine.

She was so validating. Like a T-Tupp!

I added that I don't want to villainize Patio. She's doing what she's learned or taught herself to be okay in the world. And I don't have to cultivate any increased closeness with her....I can put her farther back a "ring" in my safety orbit. Keep her at a safe distance and know that my reflexive "fix it" attraction to colder people isn't necessary. (Little Hops wanted to placate, soothe and befriend the bullies. I'm no longer Little Hops.)

T made me feel good. Told me she'd have been very upset herself and completely understood what happened. She also said she thought my overall process/response was "evolved" because my concluding point was holding onto connection in community, and about how I'd be able to continue to be in group with Patio, because I recognize that she has an inner child too, who learned a way to manage her difficult world. I don't have to encourage more personal involvement (apart from responding to an appeal for help as we all offer each other) nor closer friendship. But I can still hold her humanity with compassion. I intend to.

Whew. I can weep! I can pee! I can cry! And that's all fine!

Liquidly,
Hops

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