Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Friendship Moments: good or bad
lighter:
I think the Fall is plenty soon enough, Hops.
Not feeling up to it doesn't mean it's good or bad... it's just not time.
Visiting in the cool or Autumn seems more desirable than the heat of summr, anyways.
Lighter
Hopalong:
This recent-widower friend is coming to visit in September.
I'm glad.
Must tidy house.
And, I have a huuuuge crush on this guy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POSINUv6cjE
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Well that's terrific news, Hops.
I love fall weather.
Here's to enjoying the creation of sacred space to enjoy with friends..... drinks by the firepit for all!
Lighter
Twoapenny:
I've missed a lot of posts over the last few months, Hopsie, and hadn't seen this one. I know it was a while ago now but I wanted to say I'm very sorry that you lost your friend, and your friend lost his wife. I hope he was/is able to come and visit you. It's so very hard when something so lovely comes to an end. I know it happens with everything in life, but still. Hugs to you x
Hopalong:
Poet is struggling and I can't help her. Accepting that, releasing it.
But still sad and disturbed.
She's putting together a book of her poetry with illustrations from a friend of hers. This took ambition, focus, discipline and imagination. I think a reading she gave recently at a huge downtown church that's into poetry kickstarted her. She did a stunning collaborative event where the poems were spaced apart by episodes of remarkable sound and images of the elements: earth/air/fire/water/space. I've written a blurb for the back of her book she's pleased with.
The sad part is that she goes through intense attacks of insecurity and self-hatred, and goes after her own self-esteem with razor jaws. It makes me so sad for her. She was the quiet mouse in a family of very high-powered people, and that plus her abuse in Africa when she was very young....just broke her. She feels invisible and enraged by that but on some level has discarded herself. Ego comes out to give her strength. She's performing but not present. Breaks my heart.
So there's that. Another small part of me gets bothered by how she sends me now and then an infernally accurate description of her psychic state, which is agony, and then next time we speak she's all la-la-la, everything's fine now. But maybe she doesn't realize how distressing it is. I DO want to be there for her, and will continue. But also sometimes feel dumped on -- she's saying, I can't hold this much dark and sticky self hatred, you hold it for me. And of course I try to lift her out of it. Then feel sickened myself.
There. Nothing to do really. I hope I haven't just done the same thing I'm complaining about ... dumped HER stuff on Y'ALL while trying to get it off ME!
hugs,
Hops
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