Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

2021 Farm Log

<< < (76/98) > >>

lighter:
So glad to read you're finding center again AND you got B's feet pretty well healed up.

I have to admit, though..... I've always shared your feeling about the government health system doing what it can to kill B off so they don't have to provide services any longer. 

That is some heinous fockery extraordinair, almost unbelievably evil, but it happens and it might be happening in this situation.

The plan to get him out of the system is a sound one. You're doing what you can and I know B appreciates it and will benefit exponentially once it's done.

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Thanks Lighter. To clarify - when he left here, his feet were almost clear. 2 hrs after the forced steroid shotS (not just one) they were bleeding again. And his back kept him up all night. Why don't they just admit they're torturing him and be done with it already? His primary doc documented the allergy and recommended stopping the shots - but apparently his opinion doesn't count in the gov system. I fear the same will happen with the new pain & spine doc.

I feel like there is still one important missing piece of information, for me to get the whole picture clearly in my head. I don't know what that piece could be. I can't know what I don't know, situation. So going to look only makes me more confused than ever. B says the retirement/separation from the service still isn't complete; a year later. Which is why - the way I've read the retirement insurance plan that lets you choose your own docs - he simply can't go and do that. And to complicate things further (oy vey)... now Dept of Labor is involved, because he was injured on active duty it's considered a federal workman's comp case.

The fastest easiest way to stop this merry-go-round, is to let ME insure him; cover the medical costs. He won't do that because then he loses his pension & disability pay. We could still live better on my income than he could on those. It's a traditional male ego thing; he even knows that. He knows that the reaction of feeling like he would be leeching off me, is irrational. But it matters to him. The amount of work he is capable doing - even now - more than compensates me for any dollars involved. Guess we need to have my old "philosophy of money" talk. To me, it's simply a means to an end. It doesn't buy love or happiness but it sure can make life easier. Especially if one isn't given to a lot of vain, status symbol or frivolous purchases. (neither of us are)

He is an odd combination of OCD/ADD too. That's kinda what makes me think I'm missing an important piece of the puzzle. Just like seeing the office visit report/referrals paperwork yesterday. I put 2+2 together instantly. That's not in his skillset. But he has the determination, focus and patience to work straight through to finish what he starts - no matter how tired & hungry he gets; no matter how much it's going to hurt him when he does stop.

This 6-7 week separation is the hardest one yet; for both of us. He's been calling me several times a day. I'm having fear-generated ominous premonitions; but I'm still able to be open about how I feel... so that's a positive. I promised him we'd figure this crap out together. Maybe I need to figure out what question to ask.

Ok, time to go see if I can finish up the radio project without setting the house on fire. LOLOLOLOLOL. 100 watts transmission ham shack about to go live. I have phone tech support - even if he does speak more engineer than I do.

Hopalong:
Unsettling but probably sound thought:
I would be reluctant to be so dependent that someone else had to insure me, after all this time on my own. Perhaps it's going too far forward into the future too fast?

Logically, financially, it makes sense. Maybe emotionally for B, it doesn't quite yet. (If he leaves his present coverage, it's likely gone for good, right? What if something happened with you two? Or you--god forbid--died, and then he's dependent on your family to be sure he's insured forever?) That kind of thing. Maybe.

Maybe B needs a little time to assimilate his OWN sense of security with you. Just telling him what's practical, or promises, need some time to become rocks of certainty. He's just moved away from all he knows to make this leap. But maybe his leap is in slo-mo.

He's vulnerable too, and as confident as you are about the practical-logistical steps, he may be moving a little more slowly. That doesn't detract in the slightest from his feelings of love and commitment; they just may need time to gel.

You can get to a time and space together when a rational and emotionally-acceptable solution comes that you both can agree on. It's like waiting for a peach to ripen.

There's time to build that safety.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
LOL.... oh I know Hops. Right now it's a burnt bridge too far for him. I get that and don't take umbrage. Just want to make sure it's known as a valid option. All those reasons you listed for him NOT doing that are valid too. Even his conditioned ego-role-pride is valid. (The man is the provider.)

But he frequently laments about how tired he is of having to fight for every single thing. And that just hurts my heart. And there's nothing I can do past what I'm already doing. He says that's more than he's had the last 20 years. He's still getting used to that change.

It's kinda amazing that he doesn't get too down about it for too long. He doesn't get stuck in it. Just keeps on going; trying.

lighter:
I'm sorry if you said,, Amber, but has B looked into legal remedies of any type?

The clock is ticking.  Sooner is better than later, IME.

Accountability might be more popular these days in this climate.

Lighter

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page