Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

2021 Farm Log

<< < (77/98) > >>

sKePTiKal:
Yes Lighter. He's had a lawyer working up a case for 2 years now. Advising him, sometimes intervening.

I think the radio project is done and ready to power up. GEEKY excitement! LOLOLOLOL. It's nice and cool down in the office too. Good place for me to work till the heat wave breaks. Manuals to read! Wheeeeeeeee. Making space for B to put his stuff....then it's out to the garage to make more space for pantry stuff and his tools. Some of 'em.

The kids seem to be working out their issues, but Hol is expressing some deep pain about friends who've turned out not to be, so much. (Some of that is also connected to her experience with her sister.) I kinda need to remind her that proximity has some impact on friendships. But her argument will be that other friends make the effort & trip to visit her. And she has a point. I've stayed friends with people at great distance for a long time.

Maybe it's just that even though the farm is a lot of work... there is also lots of time to think & feel without distractions. Nature abhors a vacumn. So it gets filled with stuff that people working regular hours and juggling family don't have time to indulge in thinking about. And that's about as far as I'll ponder that topic, I think. She can do as she will. Speaking of friends, I probably oughta check in with Deb and see where she's at in her processing. She's starting to get her sense of humor back, so it's probably time for a girls weekend.

lighter:
It's good you're staying busy and productive, Amber.  Particularly in this heat.

I notice snarkiness rising up as I realize an attorney's been advocating for B and building a case on his behalf.  The snarkiness says...
"Oh, at least B's murder's being documented." 

It's not that simple.... never is, ime.

But...... when is it CLEAR more harm than good is being perpetated by the medical professionals?  When is enough going to be enough?

B's feet were pretty well healed and now they're bleeding again.  I understood that, btw...... I was just cheering the win at the farm, bc soon B will be there full time.  I'm very hopeful.  Very.

The shot souns like business as usual in the old system.  When does the new system take over?  Does it?  I know y ou don't know. I know you're working on it very hard and with vigor.

How do the powers that be JUSTIFY this harmful treatment...... the threats against B if he fails to comply with the harm?  Taking away his benefits, etc...... unless he allows harm.  That's just impossible for me to wrap my brain around. There's no easy place for my mind to rest here.  Sorry, the bloody feet B KNEW would be bloody.... and TOLD them would be bloody BC he's ALLERGIC to the meds.....

I don't understand why the Attorney allowed it....... what is the final insult?  What is the final injury?

Does the attorney say WHEN it might end? 

Is 2 years long enough to build a case?

It seems like a lot has happened in the past 24 months.

::putting snark away::.

For now.

I remember allowing the ILs to have visitation with my girls.... how it was a chess game..... we had to allow harm in order to prove it in order to DO something about limiting it and finally ending it.

You just hope the harm done can be mitigated.....overcome.  STOPPED.

Frankly, I'm shocked B's body has tolerated all it's been subjected to and I'm not talking about his initial injuries.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, here. 

What's happening to B....... the people harming him should feel a little terror every time they poke and harm him, IMO.

Maybe more than a little. 

Not every soldier they poke and harm is as stable as B.  I am baffled about the system's ability to harm THIS particular group of individuals consistently and with such comfort.  They seem pretty comfortable to me, Amber.

  How do they keep getting away with this?  It's egregious, heinous fuckery and I couldn't live with myself if I was forcing vets to take shots they're allergic to much less screwing up pain pumps IN THEIR SPINAL COLUMNS creating more pain and debilitating injury on top of initial injury. 

What has the attorney documented and what can he prove?

You don't have to answer.  I sense you've managed to rise above this for a while and remain level, despite the insanity.

You're a good strong mate, Amber. 
Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Lighter, THANKS. There was a lot of support gleaned from what you're calling snark.  ;)

I'm headed over the mtn today for haircut & errands so short time this morning to respond. But yes, about allowing harm, documenting it, in order to prove it. All just to STOP it.

As to TPTB, I've stopped looking for rationality or common sense in how they justify anything a long time ago. Holly's point of view is that the corporatizing of healthcare has almost obliterated the "care" aspect of repairing bodies and treating chronic illnesses. In favor of the bottomline - profit. I've stopped wondering out loud: "they can't do that, can they?" when something goes 180 to the principles of justice or law (not the same thing) that we grew up with. Change can be a very good thing - I truly believe that. But perhaps not when the baby is thrown out with the bathwater.

In life, I've not shied away from fighting the obstacles to what I want. It's not always the best way tho. Many times it's possible (and easier) to go around something than attempt to go straight thru. But lately, I've kinda settled into a more direct approach again... because the standard script from those representing the provision of what I'm seeking see the main task of their position not as facilitating everyone's needs - but as some kind of power broker who decides who is worthy or not.

My choice of strategy depends on understanding enough of how a particular system works, that I know exactly where to apply the hammer and when to grease the wheels with a little smile, compassion or connection. Sometimes to the point of educating that public contact individual with the basic concepts of customer service and demonstrating how much more pleasant their role can be by being HELPFUL, rather than seeing the public as a threat to their time. (That kinda makes me sound supercilious and arrogant; but honestly I do attempt to read people deeply enough to make that assessment and help them be better at their jobs.)

There are so many layers and personality types involved in the outside world. I used to be fluent in that world but it truly burdened me (needing a better understanding of me and how my "system" worked). I am purposefully removed from that world, live very simply & privately and I like this much better. It allows me the space to get to know the other layers of ME, that there was no room for in that world. There's a much softer, more sensitive me that is starting to peek thru. She gets to the see the light of day more now.

To refocus on solving the situation, perhaps the lawyer is pointed at the wrong entity. I'll have to gather some more information about that. In time. Right now, B is trying to recover from the effects of the shots and is sleeping at some strange times because he feels so lousy.

The people who called out my lack of patience when I was a child, have absolutely no idea how patient I can be. When it's important to have full understanding before acting.

sKePTiKal:
Sigh. Tech glitches are preventing me from paying a bill online. I've held out longer than a lot of people on this method, but since the paper bills aren't getting to me with enough time allowed to return a payment in the mail (10 business days is no longer reliable where I am; and there are days we get absolutely no mail in a row, too.) The glitch is on the company's server -- all other sites working fine for me. SIGH. I'll call them tomorrow, unless I come up with another way to outsmart the technology. (It works, sometimes. Sometimes I don't have the patience or care that much.)

B is still out in the incommunicado zone. Not by choice, btw. He has an uninvited house guest (courtesy of his D whho was housesitting) that he can't legally throw out because her name is on the mortgage. There is no communication between them either; no interaction. But it's disturbing - for him and for me. I'll know in a few days what's going on, maybe. I have a feeling it's directly connected to the VA liason's call to her. In some bizarre fashion. I've been feeling downright pouty & petty jealousy over it all. But not adding to his burden, for now. It's not his fault. I also have independent autonomy and decisionmaking and may play that card, depending on what is learned in a couple days. I am sure he's already planned his actions based on what he learns, as well. So for now - patience is again the name of the game.

Backhoe lessons yesterday. Only Hol worked on it before a flat tire eliminated my turn. She took to it pretty well and doesn't have anymore bobcat experience than I do. So I'm less intimidated by the size of it, knowing the center of gravity is the most important thing to pay attention to. Thanks Rick!

We have 14 baby ducks who've graduated to the pond now. Tomatos coming out our ears and we're planning a basic sauce canning lesson (freezing till we have enough for a whole batch) when there's time. Like Lighter's to-do list, mine is pretty full too - but it's all stuff I "should" be getting a jump on for winter or want to do. Deb's coming out next weekend, so I can get myself organized around that. Kinda feel like I'm spinning my wheels lately. This too shall pass.

And I'm another week closer to B being back here again. Midweek the temps are predicted to go back to normal for this time of year - and I'm going to save my energy for outside work, till then.

sKePTiKal:
Sweater weather, slippers, Uggs, casseroles, baking... sewing... yes, I'm pushing as fast as I can for fall too. Our ducks are muscovies too!

B and I aren't totally incommunicado; sorry I was leaning dramatic there. It's just a lot LESS communication throughout the day, than normally takes place when he's back home, much less right here. Our ESP wavelength has been quiet too. He absolutely wants to leave (at the final step) without anyone knowing where he's going and only the D will have a phone number to reach him. People have treated him so badly, he doesn't want anyone being able to follow him here in the future. Apparently the ex, is that kind of batshit crazy (he doesn't say so; I'm inferring that).

And he'd rather she wasn't all right up in his business as he goes about the moving process either. Nosy and unrelenting are two descriptors that come to mind. (I imagine this is one reason, why I hear how much he likes an independent woman - LOL.) I don't think she understands that all expectations and dependency is at an end when the divorce papers are processed. Any kindness he's extended her over the years, has been for D's sake - and it was optional. D turns 20 this year. That is now at an end. But she keeps trying to exploit that, using D sometimes, to try to guilt him into satisfying her demands. Mostly for money. Sigh. I can't believe she still thinks that would work on someone with as strong a mind and emotional stability as him. He thinks of her as an irritation; annoyance. Nothing more serious than that. And I trust him to get her detached from this desperate obsession completely.

I just haven't exercised the Amazon Shield Maiden aspect of me in some time. And she's restless, but it's not really helpful to him, to turn her loose. Much better I stay in the shadows some more time and let him handle it. I know how far he feels he will go to be free of all that; and not an inch further.  20 years after rejecting someone outright; coldly; just as they become parents (which she said she wanted but didn't follow up on for 20 years) and try to insert herself now???? That's some massive control issue delusions.

He cleans up his own messes. I can only complicate things further if I get involved.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page