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2021 Farm Log

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Hopalong:
Poor B. I'm sorry to hear he's going through this (but happy to hear that in 30 days he might be on the mountain and can begin getting used to it). Transitions are so hard, and they get harder as we get older.

When my poet friend moved and nearly lost her mind for a bit from stress, I kept telling her over and over: this is normal, normal, normal. The psyche absolutely hates moving even for positive reasons. It wants what's familiar. It needs to GRIEVE what is being left behind even if the person is moving toward a happier future. The psyche gonna take-in-process-everything at its own pace and we have to trust it. So if you keep reminding B that despite all he deals with, the emotional reactions are normal normal normal and will subside...maybe that'll help.

As to his pain, actually ashwagandha might help him sleep. It subtly, but actually, calms the central nervous system.

I'm sure he knows about TENS units.

What about acupuncture? Is there a chance a highly experienced acupuncturist could help him?

I wish I had more to suggest. Definitely one of his new appointments needs to be the best pain specialist in the area. I was stunned by what a difference they made when I had back pain so bad for years that I was on opioids and it just never let up.

hugs and hope,
Hops

sKePTiKal:
So, the last appointment has been (tentatively) made. Now waiting on gov approvals. Sigh. At least his anxiety has abated somewhat.

I guess I'm seing how easily triggered he is, over the usual bureaucratic stuff that drives the rest of us nutz - but isn't unusual or that big a deal in the general scheme of things - to US. For him, he's been ignored, abandoned, and pushed to the side so many times... it's no wonder it's triggering his worst fears. He doesn't want to be incapacitated; and is in a bit of denial about the physical state of his body. He's so used to pain, and yet has stayed strong enough to "carry on" doing, that he endures what he shouldn't push himself into because "it has to get done". Sigh. Stopping him, requires me distracting him usually. I'm not always successful.

Some of this stress is because he has created a timeline in his head that he is trying to hold to -- for moving here. Anything that slows that down or makes it more complicated is NOT in his agenda. And he isn't able to adjust/adapt that easily. It's the old "way things should be" vs "the way things are" discrepency, I think - along with some emotional attachment to ideas that aren't that relevant anymore in his life. I get the issues with feeling like your own body is betraying you. It's a real bitch admitting your getting old.

I've put myself into a large cocoon of cottonwool since Hol's been working. I rather like it - but I'm not getting much done. And the weather is working against me too, with several days of rain in a row. Temps are finally suitable for the work I need to do - and it's too wet. So I'm mostly just trying to keep my brain from turning to mush. I think I let myself get run down & tired... and with the seasonal adjustment hitting too... I'm kinda "checked out" from a lot of stuff. Having a hard time even doing the little Christmas shopping I thought I'd better get a jump on what with shipping delays being what they are.

Just... moving slow, not doing a whole lot... and enjoying not being hot everywhere. LOLOL.

Hopalong:
Your brain will be turning to mush when I become a superheroine, Amber.

Seriously. Do you ever sit back and take note of the massive (both mental and physical) energy output you've been emitting nonstop ever since Mike died and you moved to the mountain?

You know about nature. You live in it and love it. But sometimes, imn-ho, you are bemused why you are reacting like an exhausted animal. Exhausted animals hit the wall and accept they must slow down. Nature sometimes moves SLOWLY, in healthy cycle.

Don't beware all the work ahead because you basically love doing it. But maybe do beware your capacity to blunt or bull through your own exhaustion because... well because, why?

You deserve an adaptable pace with ZERO self criticism. No doom implied. Just...let yourself have the natural cycles you respect and care about in everything else. It's okay!

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
What is that bright light overhead? There is no wet stuff falling from fuzzy gray clouds... My streams are running and giggling, softly - like kids sharing a secret at a slumber party. Everything is sparkly from the past days of rain.

Dang it; it'll completely ruin my turn toward winter gloom & cocooning....!!!!!!! LOL, the forecast is for that kind of "perfect fall weather" people try to put on postcards - do they still make postcards?

I'm dogsitting the next couple days again. And Hol will be home tomorrow evening for a long weekend. The metal shop is moving on, apace. And I haven't quite shifted gears yet, into taking advantage of the weather (give me a day).

sKePTiKal:
Not a lot going on to write home about. Which is, I guess, about the most positive "report" one could expect these days, right? LOLOLOL. I've always craved long stretches of what most people consider "boredom" because that's what fuels my creativity.

Hol unexpectedly had this week's work schedule cancelled; seems covid-related but there hasn't been a lot of official word yet. So, we're gonna catch up on the landscaping chores. She's concerned I'm just too passive and not physically active enough. More on that in a bit. Ronnie was by; it's already bow season here and I had no idea.

The new bookkeeper is going to require a little hand-holding & training. But that's OK. To be expected... I got very used to Sandy's way of doing things (she trained ME) so now I kinda need that to continue. Business picked up a little this year and it's off the "crisis of the week" list now.

I think I might need to get a second woodsplitter. My equipment seems to be migrating to the Hut and it's a production to hitch things up, drag them where I want them, when I just get a wild hair to go do some kind of work. (It happens, even if Hol doesn't notice it.)

B's shop is coming along; we're waiting on siding, soffit & gutters, windows & doors. Then we'll need to work on wiring the interior once B figures out his layout for equipment, workbenches, etc. He's been feeling mostly OK; I'm pretty sure that he shouldn't be doing all this heavy work anymore... not on a regular basis anyway... but I might as well try to reason with the rocks. He's got all his appointments taken care of finally, rental lined up, and will be here awhile again. And I think it's time we have the "serious" talks. All the practical considerations of him being here; the organization of same; what he's expecting... what I'm expecting... and how we can "make it so".

This time around of being separated, I haven't had the energy or inspiration to do more than just rest, settle, and kinda deal with the reality of what is here. Right around me. I'm not exactly writing much; not doing much of anything really - not even cooking yet. And it feels like the right thing to me. Hol isn't liking it much and is kinda trying to figure it out but there's nothing to figure out. It's a seasonal thing for me. The heat is no longer an excuse for being lazy; I've been enjoying the transition so far. Soaking up the cooler sun. Not even thinking about how close the time is getting till B is here and not leaving again. (Resisting letting myself get excited.)

His medical issues are part & parcel of his everyday experience. Managing pain is going to be a big part of that. The jury is still out on the new docs and so I'm still looking for alternatives out in the herbal space. Doesn't seem to be a whole lot in the category of "painkillers" that doesn't have some legal issues around it. My searches so far, into mind-body and neuro stuff isn't going anywhere "durable enough"... but I'll keep digging.

Well, I've been pinged by Hol - who is probably cleaning up her breakfast dishes and ready to rock & roll today. I'm not sure I'm ready to tackle the work outside in my robe, jammies & slippers..... LOLOLOL. The old reasons I needed to guard my "morning space" no longer exist and this habit no longer serves a useful purpose. It's not well-aligned with life out here, especially as the days get shorter.

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