More brutal heat, for the foreseeable future. Maybe next weekend, the highs will moderate somewhat. Good thing, because I'm starting to run out of inside work/projects. Not even swimming sounds attractive; I've seen crazy UV numbers lately.
Even Hol is feeling this heat, trying to work. Freddy is crashed out under the loveseat on the porch and Mr. Stinker just asked to go back inside. It's not 10 am yet.
I am afraid to go look at the garden, but I think I'll have to today. "Chance of rain" for this week has mostly turned out to be "no rain". It will be late; maybe 8 pm. Still enough daylight but the temp doesn't start to drop until then. But there's not much we can do about the weather.
Hol is doing a lot of deep work on responsibility for other people's emotions, boundaries, rescuing, etc. these days. She's starting to come to terms with it's OK for her to ask for and expect reciprocity from her relationships. And of course, her process is 110% intense drama. I think this unusual calm that's come over me is my new way of not participating in all that kind of thing anymore. I can check in with my feelings, listen for intuition insights, and apply common sense logic and intentional kindness (when warranted). I've dropped back into the merely supporting Hol's interests and minding my own, as she's actively blazing her trail with this kind of thing. Otherwise, this would take too much time & energy away from myself and the things I'm engaged in, in my own life.
I think Deb is pretty well settled in her new place. It's very shady; quiet street; friendly neighbor; closer to her work. I believe she can finally take her time to make it function and still feel like "home" - till she can find a place to buy. There will finally be time to do the needed emotional processing too. And work her way to the point of making choices about what's next. I don't know if she'll visit while B is here, or not. She does want to meet him. The distance is more like an hour out here now, for her.
Hol has worked overtime to try to persuade me to second-guess my feelings about B; to not trust a thing he says to me; even to the point of worrying that he'll put my - our physical safety in danger. SIGH... and then, she flips from that dark point of view and wishes me much happiness and tells me she doesn't pick up any of those "flags" from B himself. So, whatever is in her head is coming out in a strange way for her - since she is the collector & protector of stray dogs, cats & people... always claiming that "people are going to people" and we have no right to judge them.... while she's judging them. After having heard her out multiple times on this topic, I realize most of the anxiety, fear, judgement, and protectiveness (sometimes proactive defensiveness)... is way more about her, than B. I haven't been able to find a conclusive answer to a question about this, that came up for me...
which is whether people who have suffered N-abuse for a lengthy amount of time/acutely... sometimes turn the tables and act out that abuse on others. I know in the N-parent, and parental alienation realm, people grow up not knowing that there isn't anything "normal" about that situation; that it's not "just human nature" to try to control people to that level. And so they can perpetuate the dysfunctional behaviors/relational abnormalities. Fortunately, I think she's starting to become cognizant of this... and since it really is the polar opposite of who she is most of the time... and since I have point by point calmly dismantled the structure of assumptions or past history (hers) her fears are based on... and there was a brutally honest Q&A session between her and I, we're moving forward in a more comfortable place.
The main difference in our personality styles, is that I'm quiet; don't overshare my private life details; and dislike intense emotional drama. She considers that secretive, a defense mechanism, indicative of negative, dangerous plans (her imagination is as active as mine), "bad" in some way. But, for as much as she likes to talk about herself, her opinions & life... she keeps a good bit behind closed doors too. Just isn't admitting it, as of yet. For a couple years now, I've been aware that often these accusations/judgements aren't really about ME; it's her acting out, role playing her process with someone else. I've started to suggest who that might be in her life, gently; without pressure to agree with me.
But like I mentioned, we're currently in a better place right now. More based on actual things going on. Less speculation/assumption/imagination. Being busy most definitely HELPS. And things are going to stay busy around here for a bit. Both she & S have upcoming work; he's taking on a challenging but very interesting project and will be gone for most of a month.
B is stressing himself out; psyching himself up too - to move things along now and get settled again. I have to insist he stops and rests. And I'm trying to devise a new miracle potion that will faciilitate everyone to just CHILL OUT. It's exhausting me, just watching everyone tie themselves up in knots, ya know?
