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mental health

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lighter:
Yes, just a break from your current T.... doesn't have to be forever. You don't honestly know what you'll do.
Lighter

Hopalong:
With all the heart stuff, it hit me that this is probably not a good time to pull the plug on present T. I may not need the stress of more change at this time. I will still talk to the Sihk at least once (appt next week) but think I have fear that he might be well-intendedly confrontational in a way, and I'm not going to battle/fight/confront myself; much too shaky right now. I might just tell him that, see what he says.

What I'm doing proactively. I've asked several friends if any would commit to a short (like silly short) walks/week with me once the heat wave passes (maybe 3 people once a week, 10-20 minute slowwww walk). A couple can; one's away. I believe once I've done that for a couple months, my fear of walking alone will ease.

I've lined up a "pastoral visitor." These are trained volunteers (from church, but there's no God or dogma expected, just guided by whatever your individual spirituality -- or lack of it -- is) who spend time with you twice a month (visit or Zoom). They're trained in empathic listening and skilled at being present and compassionate. It's another dimension of healing, I think, that I've been avoiding (the spiritual side).

I'm also going to reach out to a couple people in the congregation I know (not well, but over time) who meditate and ask about that. I think I would benefit from meditating with others, rather than always alone. There used to be a group. I am not interested in the Buddhist sangha or saying Ohm with anybody; told the minister I'm looking for secular meditation for squirrels. LOL.

The sweet woman from my Village board and I have begun our "time swap" or "help swap" for decluttering. Just having another human present to plow through piled-up papers is huge and we got a start. I go to her place later this week to offer the same.

Generally, I'm struggling on with anxiety and way too many days where the phone doesn't ring. My friend P said yes, you need to reach out and build your social support newwork; you also need to know people will reach out to you. I hope I'm creating new opportunities for that to happen.

hugs
Hops

Hopalong:
Good shifts and confluences, I think.
Last T appt (next is tomorow) went unusually well.
I think because I opened up a lot more and told T that I think I have trouble trusting, and various sequelae from that. I did feel I was opening more and risking more with her, and it was one of the first sessions in a long time I'd call productive. It's possible it signals a breakthrough or shift with her (and me), and I look forward to seeing what happens over the next month or so.

Meanwhile, just had my second (last for now) teletherapy appt with the Sikh. I felt so understood and recognized that what I appreciate particularly about him is not only feeling understood and heard, but also how perceptive he is. Not just about current tales and symptoms and catch-up stories, but he focuses on what things mean. He focuses his lens on asking perceptive questions that invite me to see myself in a broader light.

He's offered me all the time I want to take to decide whether/when to move on from present-T, and I feel extremely grateful for that. He doesn't think my brief "avoid-decision" fantasy of seeing them alternately, is a good idea, as I could drain energy trying to reconcile their different perspectives. Oddly, he's also dealt with a recent heart diagnosis, and that was comforting too. I generally think more understanding and inspiration lies in his direction.

But I will stay open for a while with present-T for now. Just to see if it was my resistance that has blocked me mostly. Or even maybe just gradually getting to a positive farewell. Not sure the reason really matters, but feeling stuck is feeling stuck. Talking with the Sikh, I felt more invited to care more intensely about my own life again. (The fact that he met and "got" M was a big help too, as M is a good stand-in for my recurring relationships with narcisssists over the years.)

hugs
Hops

lighter:
What a hopeful update, Hops!

That you're relaxing into the process..... refusing to pressure yourself or feel pressured is really great.

You'll know what to do when you do it!

Trust yourself. 

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
How're ya doin with this wet gray weather Hops? Are your changes helping?

Right after B left, I developed some kind of blockage in my left ear. It's kinda got sinus pressure combined with it to. Messin' with my sense of balance and where my body is in space. Been working on it, and it's better. It's DEFINITELY triggered by the weather but I suspect I also have enough quiet time that I'm maybe paying too much attention to things like this, too.

After lunch and a few chores, I think I'm gonna head for the studio and see if I can get some more curtains ironed and the rods up. Hol already got the new blinds up while I fought with one rod. Then, collect up all the cardboard and old blinds for the trash next week. Finish moving the work tables, etc to get ready to make things!

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