Author Topic: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)  (Read 15588 times)

sKePTiKal

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #45 on: May 19, 2023, 07:47:54 AM »
Yes, we are definitely communicating better these days. She's made me understand that she is very aware of her underlying (and not part of her public persona) sensitivities. Flashpoint explosive triggers even. Touchy... but working on them.

She's given me feedback about how my "off the cuff" comments sound to her, as a result. On the days she can't laugh at herself. She rather expects me to tap dance around those moments... LOL. But, I have told her I can try to be more aware before I open my mouth, about how a statement might - on any given day - sound to her. At least until she recovers some of her bounceback flexibility.

Perimenopause and hormonal adjustment is just such a complete & total adjustment for her. My friend Deb went through a horrible time too. I was going through my own (a lot easier) issues, when I started therapy. Maybe there's something about the changes that brings up the emotional issues too? Lets them surface? I dunno. Maybe it just highlights the insecurities and issues in new ways and at that age, it's more possible to deal with them. Even perceive them.

I'm finding all this quite interesting and I'm just as invested in this shared "process". It's not something my mom & I could ever do. She just wasn't able. But Hol & I have been doing this for years & years now. So, as it's gradually changed and gotten more serious, we've adapted. She has some big issues lurking around that peek out every now & then... but she's still not ready to pull them out & dissect them. I'm not rushing her. I can wait. And I'm certainly not "perfect"... when I screw up, she knows she has leave to tell me that without me jumping to outrage & offense so that it can rectified or explained immediately.

Well, looks like another lovely spring day here. She has a friend date this evening - fun movie & burgers at a local butcher shop. I have a flat of tomato plants to get in the dirt, if they survived the cool temp overnight. It feels like planting will not stop, this year. But I'm reminding myself that most of my herbs are perennials - and except for quantity increases, I will only need to plant once. And it's time to feed kitties.

Think I'll be able to "knock off" early today.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #46 on: May 19, 2023, 08:05:38 PM »
Amber:

I'm trying to figure out how to be assertive without apology.. trying to not care how others perceive my withdrawl from people pleasing habits.  It is what it is.

I bounce over and around a balanced response, to be sure.

Your comment "backhand quick to fly" sent my anxiety up, likely... paraphrasing there. 

Lighter




sKePTiKal

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #47 on: May 20, 2023, 08:39:51 AM »
Ah yes, I can where it might do. Thankfully, it's been a rare thing for a long time.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #48 on: May 20, 2023, 02:50:59 PM »
Whew. Me too, I got worried about that phrase.

Glad it's in the rear-view! You clearly work so HARD to connect with her, Amber.
Sounds like it's been paying off.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #49 on: June 09, 2023, 10:18:55 AM »
This has been re-entry week for B & I. He made it on Tuesday morning, and unloaded the truck that afternoon. Dropped truck off Wednesday & ran a few errands. Thursday was his appt - and the resetting & reprogramming of his stimulator controller. An automatic Apple update blew up the previously functioning program. A month ago. Fortunately the morphine pump, works all the time on it's own. Only requirement is to get it filled on schedule before it runs out.

Today is do-nothing Friday. He's been catching up on sleep & piddling around with organization. He's here for at least 2 weeks, to monitor his new program effectiveness and watch an incision.

I still need to plant peppers & 3 sisters. Yeah, it's a little late but our season can run well into October some years, so I'm plodding ahead with that plan. Hol spread my topsoil where I want it, so I can get those herbs in the dirt finally (they REALLY need to go in soon!!)

Contractor started on the studio yesterday. Got all the old siding off in a day. They're working on the deck boards now.  I asked yesterday how long they think this job will take and was told a few weeks; then he corrected himself and said - maybe a month. My only comment was: that's really fast! And it is. This is a new contractor for me, because I was told when I talked to the regular guy that they needed to finish up a few jobs then would call me. Still waiting on that call. And with the weather patterns changing a lot this year, I wanted the outer protection layer & access issues done WAY before the seasons turn again. Still not a lot of hot weather yet; and the smoke & cloud cover from Canada's fire have us in perpetual overcast. I need to inquire of Hol, how her solar is managing with this. We've had longer stretches of gray in the winter, and she's been fine... but I suspect the UV rating is different with the smoke.

They have projects going down at the hut, full stream ahead too. But S is working a lot. The new puppy Kiri is still acclimating and in training. That's keeping them pretty busy already. It's wonderful having a girl dog around! She is so sweet & cuddly (all 50+ lbs of her!), quick to learn things and eager to please. Hol is doing a lot more socializing with her local-ish friends, too. That's taking a little pressure off my time management. And it's really good for her to connect with the ladies her own age.

Looks like B's plan is to bring the mill, the next trip...  so after that, there may only be one more (two more?) trips then he'll be here. There is a very noticeable "relaxation response" in me, when he's physically here. My "left hand" support is back, I guess. We're way more partners & equal, and that's comfortable for me. Hol wants to either dominate or lead or expect to be "mommed"... and while we're navigating all that pretty well - and honestly - it can be boringly exhausting for both of us.

This sort of phased "relationship" process - where he goes back to the old life and I'm on my own again - seems to be working pretty well. There are difficult moments, of course. But for the most part, when he returns here, things are still in the place he left them... and he can immediately start going about his own agenda knowing where things are, etc. It's also been Different - capital D - on the romantic side but again, it's working out well.

Well, I need to get dressed and think about how much/how little I WANT to do today. Tomorrow is another early morning "have to" run around & gather needed things day.

Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #50 on: June 09, 2023, 12:07:41 PM »
Happy to read your report, Amber! Sounds like much progress and some mystery too.

I hope hope hope those tiny particulates (including chemicals picked up in fires) do NOT go deep deep in anyone's lungs when they're exercising outdoors. A tight KN95 is on my face until the local AQI is down to clear. The index has been quite high here; nothing like large cities but nothing to be in denial about either.

What a sad and sobering thing. My ex-bf M just moved to California last month (whew) but he's very very cautious with health things, so I think he'll be okay.

Stay well, and smooches to the pooches.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #51 on: June 10, 2023, 09:12:07 AM »
Lots of pokers in your fire, Amber, as usual!

 B sounds happy and busy and on top of your shared plans.  It's nice you enjoy your together and away times.  Good to feel at home in your own skin.

I hope the construction project rolls along without hitches.  Wouldn't that be nice, for once?  Ya... it would!!

Hol is growing in the space you've provided, literally and fig. I think. How nice to see her find more community and fellowship in the area. 

Lately I've been pretending I've traveled back from my 80's and popped into my childrens' lives.... and it's been transformative..... feels very present and shifts my perspective in delightful ways. 

Have fun!  You sound so good!

Lighter


sKePTiKal

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #52 on: June 11, 2023, 09:09:23 AM »
Thanks Lighter! I like that idea about looking back from the future into their lives. Hol is kinda aware of how she's unconsciously mimicking me - and is resisting for all she's worth. Tough cookie about those kinds of things, too.  ;) Being out here in our own little bubble, is extremely peaceful. That in itself, heals a lot of things. But beyond that, this place has some extra oomph in that department.

More wildlife interactions yesterday. B spotted & collected a small snapping turtle from under my jeep. He carted it over to the pond. Then, last night we saw a big ole possum cruising the yard. OH! and our ubiquitous whiporill, found a mate last night! LOL. They weren't singing quite in sync initially. It was hilarious...

The smoke wasn't too bad this side of the mountain. But it was noticeable. Visually. So overcast I put my peppers (to be planted today) back under the grow lights for the time being. If you recall, I smoke... so NOT worried about a little smoke from forest fires. Then, there are the recurring bonfires we have. Grew up in the land of industrial & agricultural chemicals. I've mutated to be able to endure it, I think...   :shock:   LOLOLOLOLOL  Most of it has cleared here now, Hops. I'd think the fresh air & exercise would counter any lingering potential pollutants.

My work needs to resume next week - LOTS of little green babies to go into dirt, just waiting on me. Keeping things watered is the main requirement, at the moment. It's just been SOOOOO dry! And the contractors will be back bright & early tomorrow to continue on with studio. The siding is off and it's clear that monetary corners were cut - the old siding was interior grade tongue & groove attached with cabinet brads. AND poorly finished. The deck has started coming apart too. They estimate they'll finish in a month; I'm gonna accept 6 weeks without blinking as it's still difficult to source certain things.

Then, our next combined project is clearing more of a firebreak, removing the plethora of Virginia Pines (and chipping them into compost & mulch) and putting up wood to season for woodstove season. There's road work that needs to happen too- ditches cleared, shale packed into potholes & ruts, drainage "managed". Then we're pricing enough gravel to cover (and keep the dust down) the whole thing from the gate to Hol's area - which is a mud pit half the year.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #53 on: June 14, 2023, 10:43:08 PM »
Just a music hug from my house to yours!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4AcjvsVn5k

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #54 on: June 16, 2023, 01:43:46 PM »
I'm looking forward to all your  progress reports and, hopefully, happy surprises as your relationship with B continues to bloom, Amber..

I assume clearing firebreaks is done with heavy equipment.  Sooner than later, yup yup yup.
Lighter

sKePTiKal

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #55 on: June 24, 2023, 10:27:59 AM »
Sometimes we use the backhoe, Lighter; but most of the time it's chainsaws and brush hogs (for the one field that has tall grass).

Last Wed, got the news on the studio... that it's a miracle it's still standing. The huge 10-12 ft wide deck off the back wasn't really attached to anything structural on the 2nd floor - because the builder DIDN'T BUILD ANY STRUCTURE in, at the middle of that wall. No beam, no ledger under 3 french doors... NADA.

OSB instead of plywood used, and it wasn't completely covered in house wrap. None of the doors or windows were flashed so all the rain/snow rotted out OSB at top & bottom. And as they replace this, no telling what ELSE will be found that HAS to be replaced. Contractor isn't happy; I'm not either - but the work HAS to happen or it will still fall down in about 5 years and the contents of the building are all at risk of exposure.

This impacts contractor's scheduling and I haven't gotten an estimate from him yet. Maybe Monday. It's rained all this  week and will rain Mon & Tues next... and they don't work in the rain. Maybe they'll come put the house jacks in, though. Studio was built by previous owners, not the people who built the house. So, around 2008-10; building's not "old" at all. They obviously went lowest bidder and got someone who obviously wasn't qualified. No point in trying to seek out the name of builder - he's probably no longer in the area nor in business.

In a way - it's better to have found this out NOW. And we'll address the situation before it deteriorates any further.

It's an important building! Downstairs is climate controlled auto shop/wood shop/good storage. Upstairs studio is a huge room and we've had large parties there. It's Hol's & my weekly hang out space & compare notes/plans room. It's the indoor dog playpen, too. My library is mostly there; all my sewing; art stuff too - there's a makeshift kitchen & of course music - complete with the CD library. Big sectional couch complete with double sleeper. One big open 20 x 40 space. We're going thru withdrawal not having that space... LOL. There are no steps up anymore and not even any joists left - they're rebuilding that whole deck - and NOW, probably removing the extra wide lower deck too (which is pretty bad shape as well, even though it was better than the upper one).

Hol & have been discussing all the changes we want to make to this space for YEARS. The exterior work is just phase 1 and then all the interior stuff we can do ourselves, one step at a time. This discovery will probably add another month to the progress of work... but I think we all want/need it done.

It was just a LOT to process and this weekend is devoted to moving stuff out of the shop so the guys can set those jacks next week. Fortunately, B's here until at least July 7 - he has some paperwork to go over with his surgeon for the fedgov. And he has to rebuild the trailer that's here, to take back with him so he can move the BIG tool for his shop next time.

Hol's been going through a LOT of inner work lately, and as a result we're kinda tapdancing gingerly around each other. She's eager to help still and keeping herself extremely busy, since S is working full weeks away - long ways away - for about the next month. But she's planning some more "ladies only" get togethers with her friends. That really is helping her a lot and takes some of time demand off of me. After 45 years, I should be able to "retire" as mom a little bit, ya know? She's fun to be around when she's not picking lint out of her navel "window" on the past. I understand it's something she HAS to do - but honestly, she doesn't need me to do that and I think other people would be more useful than I am.

I'm also drowning in baby herb plants... have already dedicated my last load of topsoil to beds... and the weeds are taking over the veggie garden, since the rain. Such is my life right now!  ;)

So B & I are sleeping well lately; taking one thing at a time. New top is on rubicon... and he needs to get back on backhoe so we can do road maintenance before winter. Had two dead trees in awkward locations taken down Friday, and those need logged & split. Should be enough wood for winter - but we still have logs left from the 92 trees removed at driveway entrance a few years ago if we need them. We're trying to save deck materials (posts primarily) for building a woodshed.

No fun roadtrips planned - but we're looking for things to do close to home. Lots of that to take a break and go and enjoy. So much history here! and B is a history buff.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #56 on: June 24, 2023, 11:06:06 AM »
Wow, Amber, I'm so sorry about the studio.
The sheer scale of what you describe today does give me more of a perception of why so much of what you think about is projects -- add a large building near falling down -- YIKES.

I'm glad B's home and y'all are happy or at least well rested! And sounds like you need a bit more space from Hol. Or maybe just a little more head-space in general?

When spring/summer are THIS hard work, even if you wind up with lots put by for winter, maybe you've earned your own spring break, eh?

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #57 on: June 24, 2023, 11:33:21 AM »
YIKES on the poor construction, Amber!  That's a kick in the teeth..... so sorry it's happening to you.

I'm curious.....what kind of shop is B setting up?  Can he mill lumber? 

Good on'ya for allowing Hol to do her work, while you stick to yours.  I think you have it right..... she'll get more done with her peers and you're not going to be as helpful, even if you really wanted to be, IME. 

Good luck planting those baby herbs and enjoy B while you have him!!

Lighter





sKePTiKal

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #58 on: June 24, 2023, 11:44:10 AM »
Oh, I definitely enjoy him Lighter! We went to a French & Indian war battle re-enactment last weekend, locally. Another "old guy" - vet, I  think - walked up & told him he should be afraid of robbing the cradle (meaning white-haired me!)... and he just said it was the other way around. LOLOLOLOL.

B is a machinist & metal worker; his big tool is an old cast iron mill & lathe. Work like he does is priceless out here. Everyone welds - but he has way more indepth experience. And mechanical things too - altho, his dislexia can make that kind of frustrating for him. And it's clear why sailor's have a reputation for swearing.... LOLOLOL. I'm picking up a few things and have my own rep as a "trash mouth".

As far as the studio goes, I'm just relieved these guys pointed it  out to me and didn't just cover it up. They could have. We're all kinda regrouping, but since we know what the immediate need is, B & Hol & I can do that this weekend and keep things moving ahead, even though there IS now more tasks on their plate.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #59 on: June 24, 2023, 12:00:17 PM »
You got lucky, finding someone capable of doing good construction work where you are.

My uncle has a machine shop and giant lathe in his basement...mounted everything on casters.  Pretty amazing to have those skills and an entire workshop on premises. I'm very impressed!  I guess B will be very busy once he's set up. 

The war enactment sounds interesting...... I mean.....French and Indian War AND cradle robbing.....
and local too; )

No one has more fun than people and monkeys; )

Maybe time for a swear jar!

Lighter