'23 - The Adventure Continues ;)

[sKePTiKal]

LOL... I had one as a teen. As angry all the time as I was, you'd think it would never change colors. But it did. Like a lot of other "things" in my life, I jettisoned it and moved on.

[lighter]

Bet you're fit to be tied over that triple balance, Amber.  I'm SO sorry that happened to you and dealing with a bit of it, not to that extent, myself.

I contracted for $30 an hour, then my contractor was like..... "I didn't count hours and I don't want to... just pay me X dollars" and that became our "new": deal without my input.  I handed him $200 less this past weekend and have my head screwed on straight for the conversation we need to have about it.

Not saying I don't get my monies worth, but these guys THINK they get SO MUCH DONE and they do.... but only bc I'm runninng, fetching, prepping and working alongside.  Paying them for my time seems so very wrong.

I'm so ready for us both to be done with our big projects.  I'm ready to do other things.

Whatever you do with your contractor..... keep it out of your daily life, if you can.  It's not likely worth a lot of aggravation if you can avoid it, IME.

Lighter

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Lighter, I think he knows I know just how badly I see him, and his method of doing business now. Karma can be aimed sometimes...  <wink>

The studio does look great now; and it's done & they're gone. We kept all the leftover lumber. I'm moving on. B leaves tomorrow and will be back within the month. Hol's art market went well. She only sold 3 sets of shoulder pouches but the host asked her back for Christmas and offered her 3  shelves of retail space in their cafe. That should be more manageable for her, than the race to the deadline she did for this market.

From here on out, I think we're going to build everything ourselves. For as much as B has bad days, he's still strong & capable. I still have skills and can manage pretty well. Hol, when she's not totally stressed out, is also strong & capable. I have tools, Hol has tools, B has tools. Dedicated woodsheds are the next on the list. The bobcat has an auger attachment for footers for posts.

The back deck on the house is the next that needs upgrading... but that's also where I want to pull most of the deck off, add a roof and build a summer kitchen/airlock kind of porch. And I just can't wrap my head around the problem with the angles back there. But that can wait a bit. With B moving in, lots of re-organization needs to happen as I FINALLY get to settle in and set up the spaces I already have, the way I envisioned using them. Somewhere in that plan, I need to settle on a location for an elevator, too.

Hol is all gung-ho on making sure I can function on my own without her assistance as long as possible.  <rolleyes>
And that it's not going to demand a whole of privacy-invading, effort on her part. LOLOLOL. Yes, we have those conversations... (20 years too damn soon; but hey, she's a planner too.)

[Twoapenny]

Lol oh bless her, Skep, I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll be last of the bunch needing care lol.  Also hoping for a 'boulder on the truck', Wiley Coyote style for the contractor (no persons injured, obviously, just inconvenience to deal with). Glad your ankle is improving, hope B's pain management is finding a balance again.

[sKePTiKal]

Well, B is back at his ranch - and having convulsions over how much has changed in the 5 months he was up here. Everything from a new highway being built in his small burg, to his D making questionable life decisions - and not even breathing a word of it to him... to things being stolen. SIGH.

Poor guy. Inconsideration, deceit/dishonesty, disrespect - and shock at how fast changes can happen. And being a strong manly man... (with all that entails)... things like this provoke the usual control-issue reactions. He is already trying to process it all though, even though it still hurts. I could only suggest he escalate his timeline for finishing the move. Now, in a couple few days, he'll come back with some new plans, I'm sure, if I give him enough time/space to think about it.

And I'm using my extra time/space to finish up my sweatshirt, deep clean the main floor we live on, finish insulation & drywall in the studio... follow up on shop transitions, and the usual stuff. Got the freezer defrosted finally! When the power was out 4 days (4 years ago) it frosted up pretty thick and I hadn't even really cleaned out all the stuff that wasn't much good anymore. Good price on std cuts of local beef, about 1/2 a cow, to share between Hol & us. Now, I need to bulk up on chicken & pork.... or maybe B will harvest a deer when he gets back. They're running this week.

Hol & I put up the big pieces of drywall in the studio this week, and even with the thermostat set down & the windows open for fresh air... it was cozy in there during our first taste of winter. We have small pieces to cut & put up around the windows, then I get the tape & mudding job. Cabinets are all cleaned out of stuff I simply "thought I might use" when I moved; I've pared that down to the actual things we use. Those will all go on open shelving in the re-do, later.

We moved almost a dozen aloe plants inside right before B left. So my downstairs is looking pretty cluttered. We had to pull a lot of stuff out of the studio garage and store at the house till the contractors were gone. B said he'll put it all back next trip.

Hol's done pretty well, from that tiny, not well advertised art market. Friend of hers designed/printed/shipped business cards for her and she's gotten a custom commission from someone. She heard there's an even bigger one (next year) "over the mountain"... I know there's lots more than one... that she might try. But she doesn't like the idea of doing a lot of shows; much rather produce on a steadier, regular basis to the retail market.  We've been talking about some of the local options. The main thing she needs is reliable fast internet, though. Yeah, she can use mine but down in the hollar, there just isn't line of sight. And in fact, it might create an issue with satellite provided signal too. The ridges block out that much horizon. I might research a few options.

Well, my house needs me to get moving on the next phase of de-cluttering today. I'm dogsitting Knuckles while she makes a run into town. And there's all kinds of stuff to do outside, too.

[lighter]

You're busy busy busy, Amber.  You sound happy: )

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

More of the same continues... I did get my sweatshirt cardigan made. Took a couple posters into frame shop for B.  Managing logistics on getting one of his vehicles up here this time. He arrives with another load beginning of next week. We're doing minimal stuff for Thanksgiving... I'll probably bake a couple pumpkin pies. Debbie's running out one day of the weekend for the afternoon. Hol has another art market to prepare for; she's adding some aprons, totes, and possibly a new pouch design.

Today is the grocery run for whatever we decide to eat; turkey isn't something any of us (not even Freddy the Cat) like much. I do have a rack o' ribs from the butchers frozen. Corn pudding maybe, and mac & cheese oughta cover us. All of that subject to change at the last minute. It's all casual...

There's some nice warmer weather around the corner for a couple days and I have some outside clean up stuff to do. My ankle is much better, so I'm starting to work with some adjustable ankle weights. If Hol can help, I need to load the spare tire in Rudi... and get some shorter new ones; these are almost 10 years old but in great shape. Driven just enough to keep them round for all that time. But a jeep on 35 in tires is pushing it for two old coots, especially one with an iffy ankle.

I need to do a little research into a weekend getaway, for B and I. Someplace with no work for him to do... and we can just go have a little fun and R&R. Hot tub would be nice too... maybe the ski areas.

[sKePTiKal]

Waiting for some info on delivery of Land Rover. It'll be either be today or tomorrow. I EXPECT to be called because driver can't find my address on GPS; that's fairly normal around here. And I seriously doubt he can get that 40 ft trailer up the road TO the Hollow... or turn it around in here. At least it's not wet right now. Might have to call a tow truck/rollback & meet this guy on the highway for transfer. We'll see.

Except I'm not finding phone numbers for local towing service, go figure.

ADVENTURE! LOL.

[lighter]

Always something with mechanical things, Amber. 

Esp if you're dealig with so many diverse vehicles!

Hope you and B find a lovely little resting spot to burble around in that nice hot tub you have in mind.

I'm team chicken, not team turnkey, for the record; )

Have a lovely holiday!

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Thanks for the reminder to actually LOOK for a nearby getaway, Lighter. It's been a little busy. Land Rover arrived and I have good reviews of the hauling company contractors. They prickled my attraction to the exotic, being recent E. European immigrants... I can't pick out the subtleties of local accents but it's somewhere in that block of countries. They DO know their business and their customer service was impeccable & kind. We had to find a local towing service to get the rover the last couple miles up our road (hauler had a 40 ft trailer that wouldn't be able to navigate our daunting road)... and after 2 days, yellow pages & online searches, I came up empty. Hol has AAA, so she called them.  Done & dusted.

As for rental moving trucks, however... that's a completely opposite experience. Except for ONE Penske truck, every single truck B's driven up here has had issues of some kind. We're avoiding UHaul, as much as possible now. Last truck would only go 35mph and in the mountains and on I-81, that's simply dangerous. That trip took him 3 days to get here. Enterprise is kinda flaky, too. But the situation down there seems to have run rampant with chaos... so alternatives to self-moving are getting discussed this time. I think he's ready to just BE here. The logistics are complicated, but it's not impossible.

Hol is getting more & more frustrated with S. His lack of consideration for her, inability to communicate like an adult, obliviousness to what amount of effort & responsibility is required to live her (she's doing EVERYTHING w/o respite or help - and trying to help B & I as needed)... it's more a child-parent relationship and she's well & painfully aware of that. After the last time she blew a gasket at him, she expected to have an adult conversation with him about their future as partners. That was 3 months ago... and he's been almost continuously working all that time, Only been home about 48 hrs before going off again, for weeks at a time. So they're hardly spending any time together, much less quality time. I am concerned about her waffling on making a decision - it's like she doesn't think she is allowed to decide to "throw that fish back" all by herself. That she doesn't feel powerful enough within herself, to shed the pretense and extra work he makes for her by being so self-absorbed; extra problems too. But she's gonna have to get there on her own...  and thankfully, she's recently brought a lot of her women-friends into the discussion; she's not just relying on me anymore.

I know SHE knows, she does need help out here; a real partner. And someone who likes to do things outside of here, with her. She is kind of afraid she won't meet anyone, but I think the recent art market exposure is helping with that some. Just for her to go out with her friends to a concert, requires a dog sitter because those events are so far away. I do cover for her... but I don't spoil them as much as she does. The dogs are a HUGE part of her life and take so much time, especially the new one what with training.

Oh the drama..... sometimes B & I just laugh. I'd call this kind of a mid-life crisis, but the S relationship started out as  a rebound fling for her. And all along, S's behavior has been like this... and he's TOLD her he isn't going to change; this is how he lives his life.... and she puts up with it. And WORRIES about how he will live if she does throw him out. Of ALL THINGS...    <rolleyes>   Yeah, he knows he has it made is my guess. And I probably ought to tell her to stop complaining, if she's not going to DO anything about this. Yeah, I know... it's one more thing "on the list" that SHE has to do. But I think it would lighten her load a lot. She knows what I think. I sure hope she doesn't invest 9 years THIS time, trying to make a decision... and being miserable that whole time.

[Hopalong]

Ooof. I feel for Hol, and for you watching her.

Did she ever find a therapist? I hope so.
It would help her change herself.

I am drawn to stories of women who survive abuse and find their power.
Realized I think neglect is a parallel cycle to abuse.

Maybe he's just a lazy, self-absorbed person. In me, a pattern was repeated over and over...but it was instinctively being drawn to narcissists because I was intensely trained in how to keep my attention on THEIR wellbeing nonstop, not my own.

Hol will get there but I sure understand how hard it is to watch her repeat, repeat.
The only response I've read about that can be helpful over time is: "What are you going to do?" in a gentle, not critical tone. "What do you think you're going to do?"
And accepting "I don't know" as a legitimate answer.

One otherwise-unhelpful counselor once said something that stuck with me: "You can't help the way you feel, you just feel that way." Sounds silly because it wasn't the long-term solution, but I hadn't known that. Feelings are just weather and they do change with life.

hugs to y'all,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hops, I remembered you talking about that response. Used it, directly. And it seems to go right past her ears...  until a couple days go by and then she comes out with a thorough analysis of her potential options - and predicted outcomes of that. LOLOL. And I think she is hearing my concern that seems to put her agency; her druthers; at the bottom of the big "list". That's popping up in weird ways.

This is an on-going issue with her. Has it's highs, lows, uncertainties... and crises. She's spending an enormous amount of energy on examinging it in excruciating detail. What Lighter calls, nose on pebble. But she's handling it OK. They're going out to a matinee this afternoon, so we get a short visit with Knuckles.

[Hopalong]

My nose has been so buried in pebbles at times I have to go to the ER to get them removed with fancy tweezers. Or sometimes I'll wear two forceps locked open to give me gorilla nostrils. I'll just shove bigger rocks in those.

(Not actually. LOL).

Happy to hear Hol's plowing her way up her pebble path!

And HAPPY THANKSGIVING, to all-a y'all. This VESMB board is right up top on my gratitude list, and I'm grateful to bask in this connection every morning. The gratitude list is long.

Today I'm writing a lay "sermon" I'm giving at the UU church this coming Sunday. About the planet, our relationship to it, the spiritual aspects of changing what we can and going forward despite all the rest. (I usually preach to myself.)

hugs to you and B/Hol/even S/Knuckles...all of VESMB, and Doc Grossman!
Hops

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Thanks Hops!  The message board is up top on my gratitude list, too!  Happy Thanksgiving to all!

As always,

Richard

[sKePTiKal]

It was a quiet peaceful day yesterday. All is well. For which I am grateful. And except for a pile of dishes (hello, you poor neglected dishwasher) today will llkely be an extension of yesterday. We do have a few errands to run locally. But last night was so quiet there wasn't a car to be heard on the highway. Busiest thing, was right before bedtime, B watched 8 white deer butts go bounding across the front yard.