update

[write]

In many ways I have come a long way...in others it is entirely as before.

N-h is still fluctuating between his good/ normal self and his evil/ n-seeking self...

It still feels that no matter what I do, n-h tries to unbalance or undo it.

I wonder if I'll ever be free of his malevolent influence, especially now- according to him- Houston's top psychotherapist decided he's great and it's all MY fault...

What is different is I have gone on with therapy, taken good care of myself, made new friends and isolated myself from his malevolence.

I miss my son ( who lives with him )

I wish there was easy resolution to this situation.

I wish I'd forseen and never got involved with such a pernicious individual.

I doubt I'll ever trust anyone or love anyone again in a love relationship....

No one knows unless they've been tortured this way and lived ( almost ) intact to tell the tale...

My life and health is pretty much ruined by my n-h, but I'm still here and I'll never give up trying to have my own life and self.

[onlyrenting1]

Hi write,
(I dont know your whole story so forgive me if I miss an important point. Just want to help you move past a sad moment )  

1. It appears you have overcome the big challange......the first step was to break away...You have new friends and moving in a positive direction.

2. N's lie I would believe the Dr. in Houston will soon find out what you already know. Of course it will be all your fault. This is the golden rule of the N.
Again the N-lies, they will tell you lies about how others view them, . This is how they block out the truth.

3. please keep believing you will be able to see the next N comming. to be in love with a real person,  will come your way. I think anyone would be spooked to open themselves up after going thru what you did.

4. You have a choice to just keep looking for someone special do it afraid but don't let your N-H, take your loving sprit away from you.

How could you have ever see him comming. He knew how to charm you  He even has the Doctors fooled.

5. What are your plans for your son? are you able to see him ?
I'm sure he misses you too.

Try and have a Merry Holiday and Keep smiling and sharing your thoughts....onlyrenting1

[write]

the irony is my son is here: he dropped him off late last night! part of an attention-seeking health scare? though frankly he did look ill, so maybe I'm being unkind.

It's hard to take anything on face value after a few years of it, isn't it.

[bludie]

Was it your son who is ill or your ex-N? Also, your cynicism is very understandable. I'd feel the same way. Although I'll try to draw the line when viewing others cynically. I've already given too much of myself to my ex-N. By remaining jaded or cynical I believe I'm still giving him license (free rent) in my heart and mind.

Best,
bludie

[onlyrenting1]

Write,

Were you surprized to see your Son? How Old his he?
I hope he is there for the Holiday. You need cheering up.

Listen to Bludie, Draw your line on what your N is walking away with.

Your son is the pawn here and he must be feeling your pain and sorrow.
He must have the anger and pain to deal with too. He will learn from you on how to put your pain  to rest in a Healthy way.

Let your son know MOM is  stronger than the N-DISORDER. Put the N-disorder in a BIG Bag and thow it out with the trash. Its gone.  
Yes you have morning of your past with him but give it as little time and effort as you can.

Write, I'm dealing with an N-myself. I'm drawing lines all around my 12 yr old daughter and myself too. Change is going on in our home so I'm looking to others to learn from.

I don't have the answers only advise you can take or just think about.

Enjoy your son and Merry Christmas.....Onlyrenting1

[Anonymous]

according to him- Houston's top psychotherapist decided he's great and it's all MY fault.

No therapist would ever say this. It isn't required to listen to drivel from the N. I would end the conversation immediately. It's nothing but abuse.

Hang in there.

bunny

[Anonymous]

My mother keeps saying the same thing "With Dr. so and so's help, we've figured out what is wrong with you" or "The doctor has helped me see where I made my mistake with you....taking your verbal abuse for all these years".   My favorite "The doctor has helped me see that none of this (we currently have no contact and it's driving her crazy) has anything to do with me except that I just happen to be your mother."  

They will say ANYTHING!  Pay no attention...in one ear and out the other.

Happy Holidays!