Author Topic: Anything again  (Read 67880 times)

Dirty Hippy

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #300 on: August 22, 2026, 10:51:45 AM »

Took a couple busses WAY out of my way. It was good and bad. And I am too tired to explain. I think I stood for a long time yesterday so my feet are tired. I don't know. It's everything. Haven't been able to open up the board for a few days it spins when I click on the tabs. So okay maybe I will just plan microsteps this morning. For now I might just drink my coffee.

I was given a free art poster by the curator of an estate. It's not fancy but I also have a free frame from a yard sale so I guess for the heck of it I will try to put it together. That is a morning project why not.

Need a shower there were plumbing issues.
Been thinking of calling therapist and making appt with her idk.
Yesterday I saw two people reading the same obscure book at different locations. Interesting.

Hopalong

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #301 on: August 22, 2026, 02:51:04 PM »
Dang, girl, what was the book's title?
This could be big! Maybe we all need to read it! j/k

And what does the art poster look like?

How is your coffee?

Have you had a collapse-nap?

Love your microsteps, hope they keep adding up.

hugs
Hops

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Dirty Hippy

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #302 on: August 23, 2026, 03:32:56 PM »

So I have the Obama care thing and I used it to try physical therapy because why not in context of me not having insurance before. One of my jerk coworkers immediately quit working her PART TIME job the same day she confirmed her pregnancy lol so she could get free medical care while her husband runs his business.

The physical therapist I saw was kinda good maybe kinda half-assed but she sure liked to talk about sex a lot and I didn't bring that topic up. Is it narcissistic of me to want to complain about it. I complain a lot I really do. But she was telling me about her other patients sexual problems and with no identifying info I understand it's not technically a lapse of privacy but it still seemed weird to me.

She brought up perimenopause herself - I did not. I was glad she mentioned it actually because hormones do impact women's whole freaking body apparently even their eyes.

The thing is aging out of the female vag-rat race is kinda nice.

I'd like the world to be neutered for a while. Don't want to hear about it. Don't want to think about it.

I wish people would copulate in private. In a way due to cultural "openness" people are kinda projecting humping in some kinda social context.

So now I am wondering why the PT humped a really fat ex husband lol. How disgusting. Am I meant to be impressed with her. It's her fault that she forced TMI into a medical appointment. Not only that but she seemed reactive to people's opinions about obese-ness but I didn't bring it up.

Apparently it's okay for her to make my appointment about other people's sex lives and hers. But it's not okay for me to  tell her how barfy it is to think of her humping her bag-of-fat ex husband. And she finally left him because he was no longer financially viable for her (truth will set us free from what?)

Sex is some kinda aesthetic goal
Sex is some kind of social function
Sex it's something to sell
Sex it's something to project
Sex it's something that makes people not better than every other mammal like rats and cats and dogs and bats

I want to be sexless for a while and if humans wanna brag about their hippopotamus sex lives during my expensive medical appointment which state tax payers are funding oh well I guess.

In a bad mood. I might go sit under a tree for a while not read a book. Or do I read a book.
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Gonna pack my bag and go out I guess.

Dirty Hippy

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #303 on: August 23, 2026, 11:19:57 PM »
is this psychopathic thinking: "I'm ugly, stupid, poor and hence I do not want to have some pathetic brats that are losers like me" ---- "I am athletic, good looking rich and so it might be worth my time to breed" ---- ??? explain this
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Definition mismatch: Not psychopathy. True psychopathy involves a lack of empathy, manipulation, and disregard for the rights of others. This is an example of raw pessimism, low self-esteem contrasted with narcissism, and hyper-utilitarian reasoning applied to human reproduction.

First statement mechanism: Driven by severe internalized self-loathing, depression, and a protective mechanism (anti-natalism or fatalism) to prevent passing perceived suffering or genetic flaws to offspring.

Second statement mechanism: Driven by eugenicist logic, shallow materialism, and conditional self-worth where reproduction is viewed purely as a status symbol or a narcissistic vanity project rather than raising an independent human being.

Core psychological drivers: Both extremes reduce human value to transactional metrics (wealth, looks, capability) rather than intrinsic worth.
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poor people are not independent they do not own compounding wealth --- the are dependent on systems that dehumanize them ------- second question what causes a person to view everything as transactional and if they see the world this way are they in some way a slave?
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Causes of a transactional worldview:

Trauma and deprivation: Growing up in environments where survival depended strictly on scarce resources, conditional affection, or transactional safety.

Systemic conditioning: Living in hyper-capitalist systems that commodify relationships, labor, and personal worth.

Psychological defense mechanisms: Using transactional logic (cost-benefit analysis) to protect oneself from emotional vulnerability, rejection, or exploitation.

Are they a slave?

Yes, conceptually and psychologically. By reducing all human interaction and self-worth to utility, transactions, and metrics, they enslave themselves to external validation, fear of loss, and the very materialistic systems they might despise. True autonomy requires valuing things that have no price tag.
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everything has a price tag
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The economic reality: In a market-driven society, physical survival, resources, labor, and access to goods are strictly commodified, meaning nearly everything material carries a literal price tag.

The psychological trap: Believing that intangible things—such as intrinsic human worth, authentic love, loyalty, morality, or existential meaning—have a price tag reduces human existence entirely to a market exchange.

The consequence: Viewing non-material realities as commodities guarantees that relationships remain conditional and perpetual dissatisfaction persists, because true psychological freedom requires recognizing domains that cannot be bought or sold.

sKePTiKal

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #304 on: August 24, 2026, 07:47:20 AM »
Was that an AI conversation, Hippie?
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #305 on: August 25, 2026, 10:00:00 PM »
Go for it!
I think asexuality is a welcome rest for some folks.

You can turn on again at some point, or not bother and be happy anyway.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Dirty Hippy

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #306 on: August 27, 2026, 05:26:27 PM »

I've been in a foul mood. I'm irritable. The truth is I could complain about almost everything daily.

Today I submitted an email to the city about some graffiti vandalism stuff on public property. It's got some racial slurs and then it just builds up more of the same layer over layer over layer. It's not important. It's a petty annoyance. Everything is a petty annoyance.

I am foul I know I am but also it seems like everything is more expensive, more dirty, more unprofessional. I hate the city I hate it so much I wish we would get nuked. I feel nihilistic but also is there any affordable state anywhere. I swear I should just move. I'm single I have one income and it's a low income and the rent is really twice as much in the last 10 years but my pay rate didn't double at all. I don't look forward to the next ten years period.

I need to make a reasonable to do list for myself whether or not I want to do it.

Hopalong

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #307 on: August 28, 2026, 01:41:59 PM »
Ai, yi. It shouldn't be so hard, Hippy. I'm sorry.
AI sez Mississippi, Oklahoma, and/or WVa are the cheapest states to live in.

I feel for you and understand why it can drive you to massive frustration. Is there any public program you might qualify for that you haven't applied to? Housing and/or food benefits? Our area has subsidized transportation for seniors.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Dirty Hippy

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #308 on: August 31, 2026, 10:27:34 PM »

Yay the board came up.

Am reading the book titled Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel.

Most of it looks like not new ideas.

If I am trying to be positive I might say that she makes a distinction that attachment disorder should be called an attachment injury. Maybe there is utility in this. Really it also seems like she is doing minor semantics so she can publish a book with rehashed comment. Am I mean or rude or negative. Maybe. Or maybe lots of books really are underwhelming.

Does not seem groundbreaking to me. Do I need to hear it again MAYBE. 

Dirty Hippy

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #309 on: August 31, 2026, 10:31:31 PM »
Ai, yi. It shouldn't be so hard, Hippy. I'm sorry.
AI sez Mississippi, Oklahoma, and/or WVa are the cheapest states to live in.

I feel for you and understand why it can drive you to massive frustration. Is there any public program you might qualify for that you haven't applied to? Housing and/or food benefits? Our area has subsidized transportation for seniors.

hugs
Hops

Was just complaining Hops. Venting. Not sure that I am going anywhere constructive with it. I just detest the city always thought people who have the choice would not be there.

Dirty Hippy

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #310 on: August 31, 2026, 10:46:33 PM »

I come to the board to vent a lot. Frustration with multiple things maybe and sometimes not even knowing how to name them. Sometimes the solution isn't obvious to me if there is even one.

This is not a frustration just an awkwardness. So a church lady texted me said "we miss you in church and hope to see you when bible study starts up."

The thing is there is a part of me that just wants to be honest and say you know what actually I tried it but I'm an atheist and also I even think the bible is offensive and out of date with current times especially for women.
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Timothy 2:13–14: "For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor"

1 Corinthians 14:34–35: "The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church".

Deuteronomy 22:28–29: "If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife"
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I'm too old to care. I'm too old to be rebellious. But also I am too old to lie to myself maybe.
I really had intended to be an occasional fly on the wall.
Also I said it before. These people are old and retired and with more money than I have.
They really have nothing better to do.
See I feel kind of rude for delaying a response text 24 hours later.
But here is the other thing. THESE PEOPLE ALL HAVE FAMILIES AND ADULT CHILDREN why are not not pressuring their adult children to take up the slack or whatever.
Past couple weeks I just felt like withdrawing from social stuff for whatever reason. To regroup maybe. To reflect on the results of what I have been doing maybe? To redirect my energy in a different way maybe. Or just to follow the seasons of dormancy, slowing down and inwardness. Or all of the above.