Hi everyone,
I've been wanting to post for several days but had to wait for enough time and privacy with my computer.
I was feeling pretty low when I posted last weekend, but now I am feeling stronger. The replies I received from you,Bludie,Bunny, Patz,Blue Topaz,Terry and Pearl have really made a difference!
After I got the 'baby' call from my ex I was so shaken. In my mind's eye I had so many images of him and his gfriend, closer than ever and smiling with the new baby.As you said Bludie, I kept wondering if he just didn't 'get' how it was likely to affect me to receive that news with no warning and no meaningful contact for a year.
But when I read all your replies, I felt so supported,so validated in the action I had taken (putting the phone down on him.) They brought me real comfort. The most profound thing is that after reading your opinions,something seemed to switch itself off inside my head...it was the mechanism that for over five years has produced an excuse for anything he has said or done, such an automatic reaction that I didn't even realise I was doing it. I don't know if I'm making myself very clear;what I mean is that when I logged off from this site that day I suddenly felt some degree of detachment from him, for the first time. I am PRAYING that this will continue;I don't want to be back where I was before,and I'm quite fearful of that.
Thank you for your advice about protecting myself from future calls;I certainly will.I didn't check the number before picking up on that day, because after a year I never thought he would actually call again.
There is something very bizarre about all this;I don't know if anyone can explain it. It was a Tuesday morning, very early, when he called. The previous evening I had taken out his photo for the first time for many months,and cried a little. I also decided that Monday night to write him a letter of final closure, including all my mixed feelings towards him, and I wrote in the letter 'because I will never speak to you again.' I had absolutely no intention of posting the letter to him;I just wanted to set out all my feelings and hopefully lay his ghost for ever, and get on with the rest of my life. It was only EIGHT HOURS LATER that I got the phone call from him, after a year's silence! That freaked me out a bit.
Thank you SO MUCH again!
Sincerely,
Lara.