Hello Everyone!

[Om Hadi]

My name is Om Hadi and I am new here.  I found this board because for the past 12 years I have been the victem of a couple of Narcissists, namely my ex husband and his mother.  

I found out that they were narcissists just a few weeks ago.  I was keeping track of that Scott Peterson trial in California with particular intrest because I almost met the same fate as Laci Peterson myself when I was pregnant with my daughter.  My ex-mother-in-law found out that I was pregnant in my 7th month.  When she did she was enraged!  I was interfering in her plans for herself.  She asked my then husband why he hadn't thrown me down the stairs before it was too late.  She told him that he should have told her sooner because she would have hit me with thier big blue 1974 Ford F150.  She was serious!  A man who writes crime novels came on the news and said that Scott Peterson was a narcissist.  I got on the internet to find out exactly what a narcissist was, and there was the picture of my ex and his mother.

The realization has led me to a variety of emotions.  I am so relieved that I finally know what has been happening to me all these years and that I am not crazy!  I am looking forward to healing myself and taking control of the situation and learning how to stop the abuse once and for all.  But most of all, I am scared.....

These Narcissists have convinced everyone that I am the crazy one and have complete custody of my 8 year old daughter.  She is a source of Narcissistic suppy for my ex-mother-in-law.  I am so afraid for her.  I have to get her out of that house before they suck the life out of her, use her for their purposes and destroy her in the process.  Or even worse, make her into one of them.  They are like vampires!

So, that is why I am here.  I think I will be needing some support.  I am going to save my daughter!  I look forward to exchanging information and support with everyone here.

Thanks everyone and God bless!

[Portia]

Welcome Om Hadi and may your God bless you and your daughter. Do you want to talk some more about your situation? Do you need any practical advice? Talk away, the more you say, the more opportunity others have to help. Welcome again!

[flower]

Welcome Om Hadi,

Your situation sounds so difficult! I was trapped for 14 years in an oppressive situation as the "deficient one". Now I have freedom. Please keep alive your hope for freedom for your daughter.

flower

[Om Hadi]

Hello Flower and Portia and thank you for your kindness

my story is so long...  It's just that my ex's N mother was very abusive to me emotionally.  She was/is obsessed over her son who is a source of N supply to her.  She was not willing to share him with me and was beyond cruel.  She actually renamed me "Slut" for a few years.  She totally osrischised (sp?) me from the family.  She always called me "Stupid".  She made me cry all the time and destroyed my self esteem.  She encouraged him to cheat on me.  She just hated me and was more cruel then anything I can describe.  I would even say "evil".  My ex would never ever stick up for me.  He just let her abuse me.  I always blamed her and thought that he was innocent.  I found out later that that's not true.  

When she found out I was pregnant, at first she was so totally against it.  She wanted to kill me, then tried to get my ex to have me give her up for adoption.  When that didn't work, she did a 360 and became as obsessed over my daughter as she was over my ex.  She would say creepy things like "This is the little girl I never had."  like suddenly i was some sort of surragate mother having my daughter for the two of them!  

On my duaghter's first Christmas, she did something so cruel to me and made me cry, I couldn't believe it.  She did that because I would not spend Christmas night over at her house I wanted to spend it with my new little family, my ex and my daughter.  I broke all relations with her and wouldnt let her see my daughter.  

What finally broke my ex and I up was that on the following Christmas, he insisted that we have Christmas with his mother.  I said no!  We got into a big fight.  He still wasn't going to defend me!  He was just going to let her do whatever she wanted to me.  I finally said to him, "You know what!  She wins!  I don't want you anymore!"

It was a long break up with a lot of physical abuse.  When it was all over, my ex turned on me and he became the abuser instead of his mother.  That was 6 years ago and I have gone through 6 years of hell!  They have been fighting with me for my daughter in court because his mother wants her.  She is a source of N supply to her!  The abuse got so bad that I had a nervous break down and today I have PTSD.  He stalked me and used techniques they call "gaslighting" on me to make me believe I was losing my mind!  Calling me stupid and crazy telling me I am a bad mother etc.  They finally got my daughter almost 2 years ago.  I have had only monitored visitations ever since because they have convinced everyone that I am crazy!  I am finally getting back some unmonitored visits since Thanksgiving.  We are working toward a 50/50 arrangment.  But that is just not good enough!  She is in danger there!

[meadow]

Dear Om Hadi,
((((((((((((((((((((((((Om Hadi)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
My heart goes out to you.  I understand and know what you are talking about concerning the "gas-lighting."  It is a terrible and cruel form of abuse.  "Gas-lighting" is happening in my situation also.  It tears away at your self-esteem and plants doubt and lies.  Read what you can about Parent Alienation Syndrome and legal advice concerning it.  There is a new book out called....Divorce Poison....that talks about it too.  

I hope you can hook up with a support group for healing at your nearest Women's Shelter for women who have been in abusive relationships.  Your daughter needs to see you as the one who knows how to give unconditional love.  They may be able to help you more with legal direction and support too.

Yes....abuse is big and ugly and narcissism can suck us empty....but God is bigger and more powerful and he is there for you.

Meadow

[Om Hadi]

Thank God you replied to me Medow!  I was starting to feel like I always do when i tell ppl about the things they have done to me.  They just ignore me, or they don't believe me or they change the subject or just don't know what to say!  No-one here was saying anything!  Like so far 100 ppl have read this thread but only 3 ppl reply?  I thought that this was a place where I could go and ppl would believe me and comfort me.  

From what I have read on this board though, my case is a lot worse then most ppls.  

I pretty much have support.  I am seeing a new therapist now.  I will see her this week on tuesday I believe.  I cant wait to tell her that they are Ns!  And she is no stupid social worker who is going to tell me that I am abused because I have low self esteam either!  She is Ph. D.  I finally left the other one over a different issue.  I am a very religious person and she kind of didnt agree with my beliefs.

I also remarried to a womderful man.  Unfortunately, we have been seperated for the past 9 months ever since we were married.  I hope I can see him before Valentine's Day.  He is not an N.  

I have a pretty good idea too on how to save my daughter.  She has a therapist.  I have been telling her for months now about my ex-Ns.  She probably didn't know what to think of it all.  But now that I know they are Ns it kind of ties everything together and all makes sense.  I am going to buy her a book on what happens to children when they grow up with N parents.  Luckily for me, when I was bringing my daughter home last weeks from her visitation with me, she had a full blown anxiety attack and thew up in the back seat of my car because she was afraid of what was going to happen when i brought her home even 1 min late.  Apparently my ex-mother-in-law has been interrogating her when she gets home from being with me and punishing her yelling at her and having a violent fit in front of her if we are late.  What is happening evidentally is that my ex-mother-in-law is not willing to share Alexandra's love and affection and admiration with me and is going to punish her is she gives any to me.  I called her therapist right away!  

My other idea is this:  I am really afraid of what is going to happen to me if I succeed in protecting her from them.  These ppl are really capable of murder if you get in the way of what they want.  So, I am going to contact the state police, I want to talk to the criminalist.   A criminalist knows what a dangerous narcissist can do.  If I can get him on my side to help....  well i am just going to pray!

[littlebird]

They have an excellent board there & I can guarantee you replies.  Have a look!

I hope you take some action now and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong in your decision to get your daughter back.  don't be afraid of them, they are all just full of hot air.  She threatened to kill you but she never actually did it.  You got to get strong, see the criminologist, get a good lawyer, one who is aware of narcissism and what you are dealing with, log every phone call, abuse, threat and report everything.  Wind them up if you can in front of a good witness if possible.  Play dirty and do what ever it takes.  You have been the victim of an N for too long, don't let him take from you any longer.  How on earth did they manage to get custody in the first place?

The good thing about N's is that they are really stupid when it comes to the law.  This is because they think they are above the law and don't need it generally.  Wheareas you can work within the law hopefully, and use it to your advantage.

Best Wishes

[Anonymous]

Om Hadi,
Don't be too concerned about the lack of replies from people viewing your messages...Some can only find the strength to read and quietly empathise. Not everybody has their voice yet and you may have plenty of people supporting you silently, but unable to say much they feel they could help with.
There are people here who listen and reply, wait and see.
I hope it all works out well for you and your daughter.

[gardener]

ps, that was gardener forgot to put in the username.