Hello everyone.
Brigid, thanks for reminding me that our exes 'can't and 'won't' understand how much they have hurt us,or feel guilty about it. You are quite right, when I think about it rationally I know that my ex, if challenged, would only come out with a string of justifications for his behaviour, or even,as he said once to me,'I'm selfish, that's just the way I am and I can't change.'
And Chandra, how are you feeling now? I liked your friend's suggestion about visualisation;I am going to try that. Sometimes I don't even know why he's in my head so much;it almost feels as if my brain clicks back to him automatically anytime I am not fully occupied.Have I been brainwashed?
GFN, thanks for your practical suggestions about writing all the feelings out.I am happy that you have been able to see real progress in your own recovery by doing that.
Your point that my ex is still the same person is interesting, because altho I have at last stopped idealising him as a person,I am finding myself assuming that he is treating his current girlfriend much better than he treated me.I guess I should see very clearly from the posters on this board that Ns do NOT treat their spouses and children well, but still in my head I have a very rosy picture of him with his new baby and the baby's 'beautiful Mum' as he wrote in the recent email.
You made another good point about not letting his attempts to contact me bug me and remind me,etc. What I find frustrating (more venting on the way here!) is that I feel he has added me,without my permission, to a list of his ex-girlfriends with whom he keeps in touch as 'friends.' In some ways,(but definitely not in others,) I almost wish he would keep trying to contact me so that I can ignore him and so have a way of getting my message across!
Thanks for all your understanding;before I started posting here I thought I was going crazy feeling like this.
Wishing you all happier times,
Sincerely,
Lara.