Dear GFH, dear all,
I checked private messages, but there was not any.
I found out what made Betty snap. One or two days before she shot exhusband and new wife, she received two letters from the exhusband associate and attorney, that she did not got customy for the two boys and another letter that she thought she might had to go into jail again for violation of an restainment order. Then she went in the morning to her exhusbands house and let herself in with the keys of her daughter. When the new wife saw Betty, she screamed, call the police to her husband and then Betty who had taken her new gun with her, shot first the wife and then the exhusband. She claimed that she went there to talk to her exhusband. Well, it was clear that it was not good to talk to someone when breaking into his house and it seemed to be that personal talk was not adviseable at that time. And the question was, if is would have brought anything.
Moreover, she had a lot of bad luck. The second jury, there were a least one person who did not wanted to claim her guilty and if that person would have known that, there would be a second hung jury and Betty would be free. On the other hand, I do not understand why the attorney did not claimed that Betty was tempory not able of any guilt,
kowing what she was doing when she shot her exhusband and his wife, even if she never regretted. I think that she was.
So altogether she had a lot of really bad luck.
I have to get going but I just wanted to say good for you for not letting your father's behaviour get to you today. You're doing the opposite of Betty, which is a step in the right direction!
Thank you. Yes, I am doing steps in the right direction.
Can you imagine what happened yesterday? I met a friend, drove late home and was stopped by the police. They already had stopped five cars. I must have looked so peaceful, friendly, that they did not even wanted to see my driving-licence, not make an alhohol test (I had not drunk any alkohol), nothing. The police man just said friendly, we just want to know if you have drunken something. And I just said, no, I have not, so you can drive on. I thanked them and drove on. And all the other cars had to stay. I think I am on the right step, yes, I must have looked so peaceful that they just let me go. Interesting, hmmm?
I think it's an essential improvement and I admire you for finding a way to calm yourself and make this change. Keep doing that because it will only help you.
Thank you for admiring me. I had wonderful help here on the board.
I found more out. Why are Ns so stressful? Yes, they are tired making. Why? Because, you can not act around them like with friends, because you always have to control yourself and cope with them. Because they, need their share of Nsupply, will alway nag around, tell all the bad things that happen, and you must all the time control yourself not to tell them to stop it because it is so energy consuming. Arg, what awful people!
I came to the conclusion, that I absolutely have to limit every meeting which I can limit with my awful father, because he is really hardly standable. And what else? It does feels so good not to be around him, because he is such a disgusting person. Remenbers me,when I stopped living with my
mother anymore, after finishing school. It just felt so good not to be with her anymore.
By the way, Betty was in many ways N too, I think so. She never apologized with her kids and it did not seem that she has reflected herself a lot. But maybe she just had Ntraits. I do not know.
I agree and it takes real effort to do all of that. Imagine a world where we all did that? (I know that is just dreaming but it is possible to surround ourselves with people who are similar and who are like this--by carefully choosing friends). Sometimes I think patience is not just a virtue but is essential to health.
Oh, this world would be very peaceful. Yes, I choose carefully my friends and I only surround myself with people who have similar understandings of the manners, the world and so on. There are none Ns in it anymore. All the Ns are maybe now aquaintances,I just call when I need some information. That is it, why
should I not do? They behaved N all their life. If you lure them then, they even happy that you called them. ARG.
I wonder? Or maybe they are just in the habit of the way it is? "Stuck"?
Might be. Some of them are stuck. But also some of them, they do not work on change for whatever reason, even that they know they need to. But sometimes it might be also that they need longer to transfer their thinking into action. And that is also not that easy and as we recognized it takes many many small steps in one direction.
People do need to vent and so sometimes it's hard to tell if that is all they are doing or if, as you say, they just can't hold a conversation unless they are complaining or bad-mouthing others. I know some who do that a lot.
Yes. I guess we have to found out what kind of people they are. Might be they just had bad luck or a bad day or just in a bad situation. Or they are just complainers. If they are the later, run.
Do you think Betty was trying to soothe her pain by methods that were not good for her?
Yes, like by eating and shopping. Maybe even alkohol, she looked so blow up on the later pictures.
I find it easy sometimes to think I know what I might do in someone else's situation. Then sometimes I realize that I haven't got a clue, unless I'm actually standing in those shoes. It's so much easier for us to look at what others do and see what we think "should" be done. It's harder to see that in ourselves, don't you think?
Yes, absolutely, much harder if,you are in the situation. But if I already thought out a solution,when someone else was in that situation then my brain, usually says,hello was there not something and then, I take over the former devleoped help idea. But of course,every situation is different. Some are similar. But I try to avoid. I am a big avoider. Like not walking alone in the dark a lot if I do not know the area
and there are no people. Or I better always took the expensive cab then walking the few step,because you never know. I girlfriend of mine, who was not that careful and I always told her, got once
robbed on the street when we lived in a capital town of Europe,where a lot of these things are happened in this area. I always took the cab and she always walked. I never walked there by my self alone. Never ever. And I spent so much money for cabs.
So for Betty, she probably didn't see that she was not helping herself, or that she had other choices that might have made her situation better.
I think that Betty was on a way, where she did not acted smart. It seems to be logical that is not not good to scream a lot of insults on an answering machine of a lawyer who is also the President of the bar, even if that is your husband or your former husband and especially if that husband has a girlfriend who want to be rid of you.
Didn't she, as a mother, have an obligation to fight for custody of her children, to protect them from their nasty father?
The father, was not that bad. He was under the influence under that girl-friend, but I would not consider him nasty to the kids. And of course, she had an obilgation to fight for the kids, but what is all that fighting for if she continued to blame him, to eat, to shop exessively and so on. She got a lot of money from her husband to support and she should have taken a time out. Sometimes we have to do that if we are not able to stop ourselves anymore, because we are not doing anymore good.
Mostly, we can not afford it, but she was in that lucky circumstances that she could. She could have said she is ill for whatever, stop therefore the divorce proceedings and then take a least 6 months off. Go somewhere, where she could talk and not gossip in the whole town about her husband and the girlfriend which is or was backfiring.
I can understand Betty perfectly. My father is such a bad person, such a liar and so selfish and awful, I would like to shot him by myself. For people like my father and my mother I do not see any sense on the earth. They are just there for tortureing other people with all their blame and in my mother sitution with rage. They are lazy and truthfully unhappy people. Think about the police happening. I always was friendly to policemen, but I became more and more friendly the older I
became. My parents always where unfriendly and insulting to them and had always troubles, even if the cops just stopped them. They just could never behave. I felt s o often ashamed by my parents.
They just stopped to behave that way torward cops when they told them to stop that and threatened them with penalties. That is so typcially N. If there is no pressure from offical agencies they do not stop.
I wonder why she didn't? What caused her to get "stuck"?
I think her ego. She always thought about the other girl as the office bimbo and the cunt. She never saw her as a rival. Then when the husband left, which he did not want first case, she made some mistakes and then that all continued. I always wondered,why she wanted to keep the husband, and I think not because she loved him, no, because she wanted to keep him because of the money, his status quo and keep the family and not being divorced and a single woman. That was her main concern. And she had helped him very much to be where he was. At least she should have keep the husband as a kind of friend she should have tried to get a fair settlement. And if the husband was really not willing to do, at least not continue to insulting him onthe phone. But that is the rage.
When that all is too much. We have to find ways to control ourselves and get it to the level that we finally have to deal not a lot with these people.
It would have been more easy for any attorney if she would stopped that to get a better deal in the divorce. She should have consulted a divorce attorney long before the husband moved out, she should have consulted one, after she found out about the girlfriend. She should have made a plan and maybe a plan B and then stick to it.
I think she was overworked and exhausted. But even then little things maybe would have helped.And she was not able to let go of her husband. Obviously, they had problems in the marriage. At least she should have admitted them and because they had money, found some way, like moving into the guest house or getting on with her very own life. Not letting the hubband do all that decision, doing some by herself. Way to passive. And I do not see any sense in keeping a husband who is obviosuly untruthful.
She was beautiful, intelligent and she seemed like a fun person. She should have found easily someone new. Maybe see was lacking self-esteem.
Yes, today it is going kind of well for me, but I know until I am out here and until I finally can cut the cord with these awful people, who are my parents, I will not really be fine. I am working and longing to the day, I am out here and I do not ever have to see my father again in my life.
I can understand Betty very well. Maybe she should have taken her boys out of school and move somewhere else that she did not would have to see her husband and the girlfriend anymore. I think I would have done that. Move back to New York or somehwhere else. If I see my father, I could slap him into the face and telling him what an awful guy he is, but I know that will not help and is not good for me.
With Ns the best is to separate ASAP and that for good. So I am trying to avoid my father as much as possible and if I need help try to get it from other people. Step by step and then finally, one is out. That is what is helping.
Thesepeople will never change, just will get worse and will do all to make you suffer.
Samantha
