Author Topic: The Betty Broderick Case  (Read 21164 times)

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #45 on: February 09, 2005, 08:55:20 AM »
Sam:

I have forgotten you either.  I will be back later to post when I can read what has been stated before.  I have been thinking about you.  Be back later.  Patz

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #46 on: February 09, 2005, 09:59:13 AM »
Hi everyone:

I've been reading along here and digesting and gaining more of a view-- might be a way to put it.

Onlyrenting wrote:
 
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...as I leave she makes sure she would say something hurtful. maybe make a hurtful comment out of no where like she wanted to say it all along then had to spit it out just before I was about to leave.


This type of behaviour, on your mother's part, does it feel really toward you and you only?  I mean, does she do this to just you or to others too?  Maybe your father, sometimes?   It's just that it seems like it could be taken as so directed, so personal, but I have a feeling she does this to others too (and I have no basis for that except a strange suspicion, which may be completely off).

I guess what I'm getting at is how clearly this behaviour demonstrates the essence of N, sort of.   Say something that hurts.  Say it just before they leave so it will sit in their head for awhile after.  Say it quick, like spit and fire, and some even say it sickeningly sweetly.  Say it without care or concern for the hurt it causes, and as a matter of fact, say it as if to enjoy the idea of that.

This has nothing to do with you, Onlyrenting.  I mean that you, in no way, are responsible for this lack of love your mother is showing you (and the mean things she says).  Even if she seems to show some kind of affection toward your siblings (which I don't know if that is the case but it seems they are playing along with her, trying to stay in the game and doing what it takes to stay in her good books???  Maybe they feel the lack of love too and are trying desperately to earn it somehow?? or maybe they are more like her than you are???).

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I would always make the visit short, tell her I loved her, she would never return it with I love you too.


Unconditional love you are giving your mother.  You are not like her.  She hasn't got a clue what love is.  Think about that?  Not having a clue about such a profound thing as love.  Where did you learn it, onlyrenting?

I'm trying to think of this problem like alcoholism.  It's the disease talking.  I know my mother loved me and I know how much I love my children.  I can only imagine how much it must hurt to want love from your mom and to feel that there is none and never will be any.  This is a major hurt, a traumatic idea that somehow, you've got to find a way around.

It's her sickness that causes her behaviour.  If she were a well person, she would know what love is and be expressing it to you, not saying things that hurt you.  I would be asking myself:   "Why doesn't she love me?" but that's not the real question.  The one to ask is:  "Why doesn't the disease, the sickness, the illness, the diagnosis, whatever it's called, why doesn't it ...love me????".  That is a ridiculous question and maybe asking it will somehow help to direct the responsibility away from you??   It's not you she doesn't love.  It's herself.
 

(((((((((((((((((onlyrenting))))))))))))))))

GFN

onlyrentin1

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #47 on: February 09, 2005, 09:29:02 PM »
GFN said

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This type of behaviour, on your mother's part, does it feel really
toward you and you only? I mean, does she do this to just you or to others too? Maybe your father, sometimes? It's just that it seems like it could be taken as so directed, so personal, but I have a feeling she does this to others too


My mother singled me out, I was the Black Sheep. I was not one to flow with her thinking. I remember this family picture my three sisters all got their hair cut and dyed blond, they all looked like my mom. I had red hair, my dad had red (auburn hair) I wouldn't let her cut it short or dye it..
So I was the odd one looked different, my Ferternal twin  brother had blond curly hair. (I think we missed the bonding stage with her, 6 weeks in the incobator)  

Yes, I'm sure she has given her teaspoon of poision to each of us at one time our another. She had a horrible upbringing and she has problems.

I do believe she must be an N. I remember my sisters telling me a few years back, the type of problem she has no Physicatrist would take the challenge.

GFN
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sort of. Say something that hurts. Say it just before they leave so it will sit in their head for awhile after. Say it quick, like spit and fire, and some even say it sickeningly sweetly. Say it without care or concern for the hurt it causes, and as a matter of fact, say it as if to enjoy the idea of that
.

I believe when she is given the chance she always gives her hateful treatment to my twin brother, myself and my Father.

I live here and when Im faced with being in the same room with my sisters and her I get treated different. My sisters say they know it is
true but they like the money she gives them they dont rock the boat.

Let me tell you of the this dream I used to have when I was as young as 7 years old.
Its a dark cave my father, my brother, and myself are in the cave.
My father has his lunch as tho he is going to work. we are just standing in the cave and it's very very dark. I can't remember anything else.

I believe her treatment of me was to get me out of the house because I truely loved my brother and father. No way I would go along with any hurt to him.
she could see I would not play her game, my sisters all got lots of money to stay around so she could move in the direction of a pending divorce.

I remember seeing her kissing the MILK MAN. (she had others)
(I was hiding behind the front door)
I was 6 or so and it could be she thought I would tell my Dad.
I was too young to understand it, but I remember it.
I never told my Dad it was too far beyond my understaning at the time.

GFN

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Why doesn't the disease, the sickness, the illness, the diagnosis, whatever it's called, why doesn't it ...love me????".



I will digest this part, it makes me sad for some reason
I guess this is how I deal with my husband I learned from my experiance with my mother.
I will keep it in my thoughts as I talk to my daughter about the N's in my life.

Thanks for your attention to this it has been a lot of pain in my life.
I didn't want to take my messy life and put it on Sams thread, but o-well.
I hope my can of worms didn't mess up the flow of the Betty Story.
Sorry Sam.

onlyrenting1



.

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #48 on: February 10, 2005, 10:09:09 AM »
Dear GFN, Sam, Only and All:

I have read all the posts I have missed.  My father was a great N.  He had many affairs GFN.  I remember when I came home from college on a weekend.  The phone rang and I answered it.  There was a man on the other end of the phone who said "May I speak to Mrs. soso ( my mother).  To this day I do not know what made me  reply "This is Mrs. soso (my mother).  He then proceeds to tell me that my father is having an affair with his wife and to please leave his wife alone.  I asked him how he knew my father was having an affair with his wife.  He replied "I found checks in her purse that he has written to her."  The man calling still had no idea I was not my mother but the daugher that  he was speaking to.  I then replied "Well, this is not Mrs. soso but I am his daughter."  The man was so shocked, he said "I am so sorry, I did not intend for you to know or let this happen."  

I just laughed at the man on the other end.  I said to him "Do you really think your wife is the first affair my father has had?"  I told him, "This happens on a frequent basis with other women, your wife is a fool."
I never told my mother this information for the next 25 years.  I learned early on she had decided to stay with my father for economic reasons and SHE was the one to decide when and where to leave.  I could not do this for her.  I could only encourage her.

The moral of this story:  Even though you are given negative information through sins of ommission or commission by your parents, you must relegate it to being THEIR problem.  You are the child.  Sam you are given very negative information from your mother.  You are rejecting that information, which you are correct to do.  YOU decide the kind of person you want to be and do not let circumstances or other people tell you black is white.  When you know the sun is shining at noon day and someone tells you other wise, trust yourself.  Your sisters do  not have the courage it takes to face life.  It takes courage to face life.  It is much easier to take the money, it is the path of least resistance.

GFN:  I have a disabled son.  I remember going home about 3 years ago and I have a two wealthy brothers and their children have had every advantage life can afford.  They are shallow individuals.  I was home about 3 weeks.  Can you guess how much time they spent with my son. (He is quite capable of doing and enjoying many things)  My neices and nephews spent no time, no time at all with him.  He was invisible just as I was.  Well, one can chalk it up to their youth you might say.  Charaterlogically, the dye is cast wouldn't  you say by the time you are 18, 22 , 23 and 25 respectively?  I decided at that Christmas I would no longer go back and expose my son and myself to this kind of indifference.  

It think it was bludie on another board about her mother sending a letter to manipulate her that it had important information but yet her mother would not share.  Whenever someone gives  you information that you know is not in your best interest, the question becomes why are they doing this?  Recently (less than one week ago) my middle brother shared that my neices and nephews were mocking my child in his mannerisms etc.  This was hurtful to me.  Why did my brother share this.  He has issues with some of my neices and nephews and he shared this to futher build a wedge between my neices and nephews and other brothers.  Little does he know that I have no intention of calling him for long while.  I also told  him this is the reason I do not come home.  I feel the neglect and indiffence  is abuse I will not tolerate it.  Do what  you have to do and let the chips fall where they may folks.  Much love, patz

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #49 on: February 10, 2005, 08:17:17 PM »
Hi all:

Patz:  
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Even though you are given negative information through sins of ommission or commission by your parents, you must relegate it to being THEIR problem.


And make your own choices about what you will and will not allow into your life.

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...trust yourself.


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Whenever someone gives you information that you know is not in your best interest, the question becomes why are they doing this?


All great advice Patz.

You sound like you've grown way past your childhood!  Above and beyond it!  Sorry you had to live through it.  Hope things are going much better for you now.  Best to you.

GFN

onlyrenting1

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #50 on: February 10, 2005, 11:59:57 PM »
Quote

Your sisters do not have the courage it takes to face life. It takes courage to face life. It is much easier to take the money, it is the path of least resistance.


I resent my mother for using this as a tool to wedge my bond with my sisters. Maybe they wanted what ever kind of connection to my mother they could get. (FEAR of being treated the same)
Most that have met my sisters and meet me say I am very different from all of them. What ever was the differance in our upbringing, 26yrs of little to do with all of them.  


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I have a disabled son


Patz I may have read in another post about your son. I hope I remembered correctly he is Autistic?
Doesn't matter Just wanted to tip my hats off to you.
I have a friend who's grandson is Autistic.
its such a personal attack, especially your child.
Some people are so insensitive, you wonder how they can be like this.

know how much your sensitivity is shown in your writings on this board. I have truely enjoyed your insights. You have way more class then those who would make such remarks.

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He was invisible just as I was

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no longer go back and expose my son and myself to this kind of indifference


to speak of an innocent human, then be even more cruel to tell you about the remarks. (wrong)
He should've went back to those that made the remarks and came down hard on them. He should've made you know how much you are loved and your son is loved too.

 
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I also told him this is the reason I do not come home. I feel the neglect and indiffence is abuse I will not tolerate it


Patz,  I agree, Why let them ruin your day.

Onlyrenting

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #51 on: February 11, 2005, 09:17:58 AM »
Dear All:

When it comes to our children and their welfare, take no prisoners. Patz

Samantha!

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #52 on: February 12, 2005, 08:51:35 AM »
:( My home computer has problems and I can not sign in. I just read all your posts and I will respond another time. Just a short message that I am still here.

Samantha!

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #53 on: February 23, 2005, 10:45:57 AM »
Hope your pc gets fixed real soon Samantha.

Just thinking about you and wondering how things are going?

GFN

Samantha!

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #54 on: February 23, 2005, 04:01:14 PM »
GFN, thanks. I am fine. The computer is a mess, I can just write something short, because it crashs very often. I wrote two messages and it crashed. I will fix it next week.

Working on a response, but that will take sometimes.

A big hug for you, GFN

onlyrenting1

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #55 on: February 23, 2005, 08:35:35 PM »
Sam,

Have you backed up your data on the computer?  try and restore the computer with the recovery disk. Make sure you have your anti virus loaded, before you get on-line.
Your system crashing could be you need a new Harddrive. You may want to try the other steps on your own first.  If you still have a problem, plan on buying a new Hard drive.
The new Hard drive can always be used as a secondary Drive. the worse it could be is a motherboard, May not be worth fixing then.

Good luck onlyrenting

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #56 on: March 25, 2005, 03:11:44 PM »
Hi, everybody!

I am back. Modem was out of order.

Moreover, I moved and I have a new job now. I will write more another time, but I am still out.

Samantha

Anonymous

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #57 on: March 28, 2005, 07:17:36 PM »
Hey!!  Yay!!! Sam!!!

Cooool!!! 8)  You moved?  Away from your father?   :shock: Yipee!!! :D

A new job!!!   :shock: Congratulations!!!  :D  Yay again!!!  I'm so happy for you!!!

Hope everything gets better and better for you now!!! :D  :D

Looking forward to hearing more! :arrow:  :arrow:

(((((((Sam)))))))

GFN

OR

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #58 on: March 28, 2005, 08:08:59 PM »
Sam,

Wating to hear the details. Hope all is going great and you are finding the peace you seek.

Samantha!

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The Betty Broderick Case
« Reply #59 on: April 11, 2005, 02:21:33 PM »
Hello GFN, hello onlyrenting, hello Patz, hello all  :D

I have a day free, so I can write a little about me. Working currently about 12 hours per day and we do not have internet at work (this is really shitty). I moved to my bfriend, yes far away from my father, but unfortunately because of visareasons I had to leave my son in Germany. The job is only an internship for 6 months. But bfriend and I are looking for another job and then we can get another visa and can go and get son. Then the big movement can happen. Meanwhile I stored my stuff. We are in another country, so things a little more harder.

And still so much to do. I recognized being away from my parents is the only possible way to heal and to get over the whole thing. To much time wasted, so much energie. When I even think about my father, my stomach gets sick. I am feeling bad and I have feeling like beating him or killing him and then be satisfied. (of course I do not do it).

I figured out something more. I had here trouble with an N at work, but cleared that asap and now the N is out of my office. Things with Ns have to get cleared up asap otherwise it can take forever. So I figured out that the whole hate on my parents is, because that is all going so long. If I would have left when I finished school, it would be easier. Much less post-traumatic reaction and so on.

The best is to leave Ns asap. That is the best way. Everything else, no solution, the opposite: the suffering will take longer.

Seeing that with BB, I guess it would have been much easier if she would have left her husband much much earlier. If we getting to the state that we start to feel so angry about people, like in the case of my father, that is so bad for our body and our soul. It is just bad. Because of many things in Germany, I could not leave about for 7 years. Now I know the only way in my case is a very limited contact and the bestno contact at all. Everything else will just bring bad memories or will worsen the situation.

So here, I am fighting myself though that whole thing. At least I am healthy and I do not have to pay any obligations back. In never went into criminal or illegal things in my life, so I have a neutral starter. I have a good education which I will and have to improve (I have to learn more languages).

That as far as now. Love to all of you. Glad that you are there. :lol:

Samantha! :wink: