n's slander

[echowoman]

HI.
iI was up all night tossing and turning over some new information regarding an old n friend.She has been trying to destroy my reputation in my town.I have lived here most of my life.She moved here 4 years ago. I have known her for 16 years.my son goe s to school with her kids. So the slander is affecting him.I can't believe the lies she spreads about me and do not want to sit and take it any longer.The problem is I am bedridden due to a disease I got 4 years ago.Most likely brought on by the stress of having some many n's in my life.I kid you not.I WANT REVENGE...I WANT HER TO SUFFER.Last night she started telling a group of peopl that she din't like me due to how I acted when we use to have a few drinks together the person asked for an example and she said that I lifted some mans kilt,I use to flash my breasts everywhere I went.AND SHE EVEN THREW IN SOME LIES ABOUT MY SON.I never did any of that. I am a child of an n and any attention is painful.Shw e was the one that acted loud and had to be the center of the universe always flirting etc 2 affairs etc.She has blamed me for the affairs and me for her drinking and said i called and threatened her using someone else voice that I am not sick just sick in the head.People believe her.The voice was my brother's by the way another story and another n.I guess I can mimic my brother's voice.HE LIVES IN THE SAME TOWN AND IS ALSO USING SLANDER AGAINST ME. i know sounds like I am the insane one. But it just so happens I was on to their narcissistic ways and stopped giving them supply .I am afer all the best n supplier that ever walked the face of the earth.DID i MENTION MY EX IS AN n ALSO WHO LIVES IS SAID TOWN. so COUNT THEM 3 MAJOR n's one town and me.Who do you think comes off as the insane one.ME.......How can this be how did this all happen. I can't believe the common traits of these people and the damage they will cause anyone who dares to see them for what they are.I NEED HELP IN COUNTERING THE DAMAGE THAT THEY ARE CAUSING ME....THIS WOMAN KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME AS i USE TO TRUST PEOPLE.I may sart using n tactics as i have plenty of ammo on all of these n's.I have aways taught my son to never speak badly of people.never talk about people behind their backs etc. I think he see's me as a weak person now.Please help me what can I do

[Anonymous]

Hi Echowoman,

It sounds like you are in a very upsetting situation and like you have been through a terrible time.  I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that.

You say:  

I may sart using n tactics as i have plenty of ammo on all of these n's.

I realize the idea of revenge might seem satisfying at the moment, but would you feel really good about yourself, afterward, espcially if you caused real damage to others, and your son saw this?

I have aways taught my son to never speak badly of people.never talk about people behind their backs etc

So if you were to start doing that, wouldn't you be going directly against what you have taught your son?  How might that appear to him?  Would he be able to trust and believe in what you teach him, after observing a....do as I say....not as I do.....type of example?

I think he see's me as a weak person now.

If it is a sign of weakness to be unsure of what to do, to feel hurt by behaviour intended to cause hurt, and to be striving to find a way to cope, then you might appear weak.  What's wrong with being weak, once in awhile?  Don't we all do that?  Are you mighty woman or what?

I wish I could offer you useful answers that would help but I don't know any.  The best I can say to you is don't become like your abusers because you will probably regret it.  Easy for me to say eh?

I hope things get better for you.

GFN

[Anonymous]

Please don't do this, it's really not necessary and it's definitely not healthy.

[Naomi]

GFN said:  "don't become like your abusers "

I wholeheartedly agree. Trust me, if you can just hold your cool and stay away from these people, and TRUST your son, that he knows his ma, and trust that he will know the truth, and trust that he knows the real you, and not the one that the others are painting you out to be.

Many of us understand exactly what you are going through....just take some deep breaths and let it all out on here instead of in your home town. We can take it, we understand, and we can help you overcome this terrifying time for you.

Have a heart to heart with your son. Don't be afraid to let him see you cry, trust that he knows you better than anyone and will remain by your side through thick and thin.

[Anonymous]

{{{echowoman}}}

Your situation sounds awful. I've had some smatterings recently of an N affecting my reputation in a new community. Not nearly like your situation but I can imagine how this feels.

What I've decided, for now any way, is that silence -- while living my life the best I can one day at a time -- speaks volumes. Not easy to do but more effective in the long run.

There was a post several weeks ago on this topic. (What's wrong about seeking revenge). There were a lot of thoughtful posts on that thread. I hope you can find time to read it.

Best to you and your son,

bludie

[echowomen]

Hi,
One of the things I believe is to learn how to not let people walk all over me.I have a history of not believing I have the right to do this for myself as I was never given this rightin childhood.So my post kind of speaks to how I feel when slanderd I am hyper sensitive to my voicelessness and I do not know how to deal with it like a person who had the right and practice of sticking up for themselves.I can stick up for others not myelf.So when it comes time to defend myself I just don't know how to do it. So slander and revenge from my perspective involving me really means sticking up for myself and addressing all the lies.I always feel like I did something wrong to deserve the slander so how dare I tell the person wreaking my reputation anything.So I just wanted to say revenge to me equals being able to confront these n's and their lies.Does anyone understans what I mean.Yesterday said narcissist called me 15 times and left 3 crazy screaming messages.As I put her on notice that I would no longer sit by and take her abuse.This I di indirectly through another person .I couldn't even pick up the phone and defend myself as no interaction with an n has gotten me heard or understood by them. And I couldn' handle that.I just want to know how do I get my message acroos to these people I will not take their slander any longer and this echo is going out of buisness?I did change my number and today I already have a new one. This will make her come to my house and bang on my door. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM AT ALL

[Portia]

Collect the evidence (phone messages etc) get a lawyer to write a letter threatening court action for slander. That might quieten them down. If not, involve the police.

[mum]

Restraining orders can be very effective.  All you really need is to say you feel threatened.

[mum]

One other thought.  The more you are afraid, the more you are attacked.  It is logical. (blood in the water and all)   see discussion on affirmations (energy discussions).  
Take some (any) kind of step forward, but mostly stop telling yourself you are afraid.  Stop telling yourself what you don't want, how much this sucks (yes, it does) and start focusing on what you want.  Good thing to find out what that is.  In crisis, we rarely have a chance to breathe, never mind figure out what we want from life.... our reptilian brain is doing all the work at the time.
If at all possible, at least in your home alone, FIND ONE MOMENT to let go, stop thinking and obsessing about all this horrible stuff.  Choose to find that time, ask the universe to present it to you.  Imagine and feel what it would be like to have what you want (peace, health, healthy happy people surrounding you....whatever you want). What would that feel like?  What if all this trash was over and gone?  Pretty soon, you will find more peaceful moments to reflect on what you want and start to feel that.  It will come.
I am convinced this is how we create our life experience.  What? We can create it for ourselves?  YUP... we already do.  So when we see it's a choice we can see this:  Victim= powerless......Creator=powerful.  Now what is it you want?

Take a step forward (restraining order, whatever) and TAKE your life back. YES, you do deserve it.  You are powerful. You and your life situation are two distinctly different things.  So you may have made mistakes....join the club, it doesn't mean we have to stay stuck with those forever.  It's okay to own your power!!!!!!  Those sick crazy animals will stop smelling fear and focus on other prey.

 Bless you.  I am sending you images of yourself as FEARLESS

[mum]

One more; you say you "don't know how to deal with them all".  Don't deal. YOu can't lose a game you're not playing.  Do something better with your life/brain/time.  Focus on yourself, not them.  It will pay off in the long run.
Let 'em swing at the air.

[Anonymous]

...but mostly stop telling yourself you are afraid. Stop telling yourself what you don't want, how much this sucks (yes, it does) and start focusing on what you want.

I'm so glad you're here, mum!  What white light you shed!!

GFN

[mum]

thanks, GFN. White light, I like that.  White light contains all the colors of the spectrum.  Sometimes I think green and it comes out red when I try to say it, though.  So glad to hear it still seems like light!