Anything

[Meh]

I feel like I can really picture in my mind's eye this portraiture of you as a Mixologist using this dragon machine. 

Oh my goodness Hops, you are really funny. I've tried to like banana in smoothies but I've really come to the conclusion for my personal taste that I don't like the texture of it, it makes it kind of slimy.

The frozen fruit at the end really helps I think. I've got no comment about pea protein as I've never tried it.

I guess I have to go buy some more kale tomorrow.

[Hopalong]

I'm still a totally failed vegetarian (still eat dairy) but although whey is touted as a great protein source, something about using that product stops me. So I did homework on the very best veggie protein powders and pea protein won.

Slurp,

Hops

[Hopalong]

Well maybe best we can hope for is to be goldgoats or scapechilds.

I like both. Goats are awesome: smart, curious, affectionate, funny. Gold ones? Yes.

Scape conjures escape and landscape...a child who escapes into landscape has heart.

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Hops, I had to google Golden Goat just for the random joy of what might come up. Its a form of Marijuana.    

[Meh]

I find that I often want to label a person Narcissistic now if they are doing something inconsiderate and they just don't give a crap. I mean maybe not OFTEN, but I do find my mind wanting to go there. Then I kind of wonder if it's possible that A LOT of people are Narcissistic. OR if it's possible a lot of the world has Narcissistic traits without having a personality disorder. Then I remind myself that I WILL NEVER KNOW, and there is no point in knowing.

But I guess it also means I prefer more non-Narcissists.

[Meh]

Go figure. There are golden goats, they live in the Himalaya Mountains.



This one isn't golden, She is just sitting in her therapist's office waiting room. 

[Hopalong]

Oh, gosh. That top animal is breathtaking.

THANK YOU!

Do you happen to watch Downton Abbey?
They had a fair scene with the most gorgeous pigs I've ever seen.

I made friends with a pig once. She was fantastic.
And I had baby goats jump in my lap and nibble on the ends of my hair.

I love my dog but wish I had time with other animals too.
I've made note of a "Goatapalooza" at a farm near here, an open house in spring.

 

Hops

[Meh]

Hops > I have never watched Downton Abbey, wish I could, I will keep it in mind. I must wait for it to be on Hulu or Netflixs or I have to find it elsewhere. I think I watched an interview of a couple who live in the building where it was filmed or something idk. (the secrets of highclere castle)

LOL Goatapalooza

[Meh]

Sigh. I'm too tired to read everything on the board these days. Wish I had more free time, I really do. I mean time when I actually feel alert. My brain just shuts off at 5:00 PM sometimes 4:30 PM. That's well before I even get off of work. I'm an old person who wears beige, khaki, neutrals and is more or less brain dead.

[Meh]

^ Good quote

[Meh]

I'm like really anonymous on here so I can write almost anything YET I feel embarrassed or shy to even write some things. I'm lonely and have been additionally stressed out or anxious in parallel to being lonely.

I've been hanging out on a dating site so that I can be "flirting online" with guys I've never met in person and have no intention to meet in person. I'm kind of pathetic for it.

I'm too old for this, I'm in my 30's. LATE 30's. The more time I spend on-line the worse I feel. Or the more it bothers me to be alone. I feel like by going on these sites I am only punishing myself. In someways I tell myself it's okay to do it as fantasy entertainment. I feel like a nutjob. really messed up, really alone and not at all intent to actually meet someone, it's a futile thing I am doing.

Honestly I thought I was going through like pre-menopause. I rarely ever feel turned on by anything or anybody. Some foreign guy started "sexting me". I egged him on, I told him to send me a picture of his chest, instead he sent me a picture of you can guess.  I think I actually got slightly turned on by it, simultaneously it was a little too much sharing. I almost started sexting him back! HAHA But I stopped myself and deleted his contact as it only gets stranger and less logical more pathetic.

I'm into cathartic depreciating of myself. Perhaps it's low self esteem. I just like to call it honesty. A self reality check. Maybe it's like a confessional.
Again the word pathetic. I'm supposed to be classy at my age, refined, smart and independent blah blah blah. I'm not really these things I don't think.  

Usually I deal with emotional lows by ignoring them, avoiding them, distraction. But on occasion I use these dating sites AS A DISTRACTION.

I've got no intention of sending nude photos of myself to anybody.

I'm honestly annoyed by how dating constantly revolves around sex. Not that its bad exactly, only that it's the predominating over bearing motivation these guys have. It's off-putting. Disappointing. I maintain not meeting any of them.


My co-worker was telling me a funny story today at work about how as an older person dating is different or harder for her. She is dating one of our male co-workers who I thought was a gay guy. (still out for speculation) On the first date she went on with him it was at his home. Something made her laugh so hard that she lost control of her bladder and she pissed herself. IT wasn't something she could hide from him. She peed on his furniture. Apparently they are still dating but not very serioius. -- I can't believe she told me about it, I guess we are better friends than I thought.

[Hopalong]

Boat, here's an article you might enjoy:
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/apr/01/future-of-loneliness-internet-isolation

I never could have adapted to younger generations' assumptions that "dating" equals "having sex with" (in an astonishingly short amount of time). I read somewhere that by second date is just routine. DANG.

In my wild 20s, I could make those same choices (and did and enjoyed it) but it was because I had no sense of the future, of what I really wanted yet. Which later became pair bonding, shared lives, domesticity.

Now that I do know (or want this dream again)...it's going to take a patient man who wouldn't dream of pushing me about it. My internal clock says, well, maybe if we've gotten to know each other over about six months. Sure, the right person and chemistry could speed that up (kind of hope it does). But in general, and I know this is way different than for most people younger...I just don't want to sleep with anyone casually again.

My hormones kick in with intimacy and I bond like a baby duck. Too painful to be easy come, easy go...and that's because I've been lonely too.

If I were allowed only one taste of chocolate, ever, and was told it was the food equivalent of heroin, but I could only eat it once or not at all...these days, I think I'd pass. Try to fall for a flavor that IS available.

My thoughts about your online attempts to ease your loneliness are the same as ever.
Go 3-D.
Start with groups.
Art class?
(You can make paintings of sexters.)  

love,
Hops

[Meh]

Painting portraits of people sexting is a great idea indeed.  It's very avan-guarde, a commentary about modern living.

[Twoapenny]

Wow, G, weeing yourself in front of your date takes intimacy to a whole new level!  One of the reasons I prefer to date men my own age or older is that I think I would feel self conscious about my own aging with a younger guy.  At least people your own age will also be dealing with body parts that don't function any more, hair changing colour and growing in odd places, bits and pieces sagging and moving in ways they never used to.

I did exactly the same as you with the internet dating thing.  It's a safe way of having contact, I think, there's a screen between you, it's anonymous, there's no real intimacy, you can delete and block people if you want to.  Like you, I got sick of it and I think for me that was the point that something in me was saying it was time to start trying it out for real.  For me dating still seems to big a jump but I have been going out more, just to try and get my confidence up a bit and to have the opportunity to meet people.  I used to find it hard to talk to men in general so it's been good for me to practise chit chat with men I don't know, not in a romantic way but just to practise being human   I'm kind of at the point where I think meeting someone would be nice but I suspect if/when that happens a whole load of issues will arise.  I'm going to just try and deal with them as they come, I think.  But I think the fact that the whole thing is starting to annoy you is probably a good sign, albeit in an odd way! x

[Meh]

Hi two I read you.