Anything

[Butterfly guesting]

GFN,

I think I see what you mean about how some weeds can be seen as lovely.  Dandelions are kinda of pretty.  For me, negativity is such a strong force.  It can just pull me right down.  Why is negativity so much more powerful than positivity?  Are we all born with an innate ability to be negative over the ability to be positive?  Hmmm, I'm not sure

Butterfly

[Anonymous]

Hiya Butterfly:

For me, negativity is such a strong force. It can just pull me right down.

Ya, for me too....to the pit...where there is nothing.

But ya know.....so much of that is due to my thoughts.  I mean, if I really am honest....I know I have many, many negative thoughts during those periods..which serve to escelate that downward spiral.  So the way out, for me, is to take a stand in my thinking.

Why is negativity so much more powerful than positivity?

I don't believe it is.  I believe the exact opposite, actually.  When I think about it......the negative times and all the crap that go with all of it.....are no more powerful compared to the positive, joyous times of my life...as a matter of fact....some joys are far more powerful.  For example.....I've posted elsewhere that one of my children died...which is a huge, painful loss, no matter how we look at it.  But I have also been blessed by the births of two children who lived!!!  And the wonder and joy of those experiences are just as powerful, just as fantastic, just as positive as the death of one was sad, powerful and negative.  But I have had two....such positive experiences...therefore I believe two to be more powerful than one...by choice.

So really, when I think about it....I really think positive experiences are just as powerful as negative ones...and often more so.  The trick is in how we think and how often we think about them....what we choose to think about them.   I can choose to focus on the negative, sad, awful crap I've endured/or which is occurring.....for awhile.....and then
I can choose to say:   "Enough for now" and turn my thinking to something happier, much lovelier, more positive...for awhile.  The more I do that....the better I feel.   I can make myself feel just as good as I can bad, depending on what I decide to think about.  Positive thoughts just seem more productive to me and therefore....seem a little more powerful.

When I think good stuff....I feel good, go places, do things, get things accomplished, enjoy life, enjoy people, etc.  When I think crappy stuff....I feel like crap....go no where, do nothing, get nothing done, dislike life, and most people.  Nothing...compared to something.....to the something equals more (mathematically speaking).  So to me.....positives logically are worth more (now that might be the weirdest thing I've ever tried to voice  ).

Are we all born with an innate ability to be negative over the ability to be positive?

I don't think so.  I think we can choose to believe such a thing...or we can choose to believe that we are capable of thinking whatever the heck we want.....(with effort, I admit, sometimes).....and focus on negative or positive......by choice.  Put it this way....no one can force us to be negative or positive, right?  So it has to be our choice.

So.......we've had lot's of negative experiences and we think about them.
So......the world can be an awful place and there are some people who behave in really nasty ways here.
So......we have trials and tribulations and traumas and tricky stuff to deal with.
So what??

We've also had many positive experiences but we have to pay attention to them.  Positives may be simple and overlooked sometimes.
The world has plenty of amazing, wonderful people and stuff in it too, but.....we have to look at it/seek those people out....pay attention to it/them.
And we have overcome many trials, tribulations, traumas, tricky stuff...by now......and have been given many opportunities, experiences that could enhance our patience and faith, experiences that are normal, even comfortable, and simple.........but do we notice those?  We can choose to, I believe.  We can learn to pay more attention.  It's not magic or something in born, imo.

I don't think we are born with some special ability to appreciate  negative, think about the negative, focus on the negative.  I think the negative hurts.....and in an effort to relieve the pain, we form the habit of focussing on it.  We choose to focus on pain more than pleasure...sometimes.....as if we have never experienced pleasure, as if we don't know the value of pleasure, as if we think pleasure is somehow over, impossible, gone.

But choosing to pay more attention to simple pleasures....can and is.. just as powerful, just as life enhancing......as the negative junk is life-destroying and draining.  The good in life gives us hope, gives us energy, gives us a bright outlook......the bad junk does the opposite.  It's no more powerful than we allow it to be.

We have survived.....so far.......which only shows that we have enough power to overcome the negatives we've encountered thus....and as a matter of fact......have a desire to take away the power of that negative stuff, and are looking to heal and become healthier.  This is one great positive that I see about everyone here.

And the way to do that...might just be.... to decide to think about, focus on, look for, seek out, pay attention to, allow in.....the positives and let their power have full reign.  It's a choice that we all have and although some of us may have a habit of doing otherwise, I believe it is never too late to learn or to try to change our habits.

     



Then.. sure....once in awhile.....negative will naturally do it's stuff......but we will have been trained (by choice) and have formed the new habit of.....embracing positives again, real soon, with gusto, if not also looking for the positives in even the most negative people/experiences.  And then we might be asking......why are positives so much more powerful than negatives?        And not be a bit surprised by our answers.

GFN

[Butterfly as guest]

(((GFN)))

You made a heck lot of sense .  What do you in this case:
a mother tells her daughter not to think about the boogey man in the closet when the mother leaves the room and turns off the light.  Inadvertantly, the child can't help it but think about the boogey man in the closet.  When someone tells you not to think about something, that's the very thing you think about.  Like when your friend tells you don't think about an apple, think about an orange instead.  Inevitably you gravitates towards the thought of an apple.  I find this is true for negative vs. positive thinking.  I try to think positive, but the very thought of trying to stay away from the negative sneaks up on me without my control.  What would you do in this case?

Butterfly

[P]

Hi Butterfly, I haven't been following your posts, sorry, but wanted to say anyway.....

A child can't face many of the demons presented to it. An adult can  as adults we're in control of what we think (to a greater extent than children I think). So unlike the scared child, we can go and look in the closet and get the facts (no boogey man, or a boogey man we can deal with).

the very thought of trying to stay away from the negative sneaks up on me without my control.

My 2 Euro cents or even £ pennies is: don't stay away from the negative if the negative scares you. If you have fear, face the fear. What is there really to be scared of?

Sometimes the negative is so strong that we can't ignore it or push it away with positive thoughts. It has to be dealt with, worked through until we can accept it. Accept the negative? Yep, be sad about it maybe, or angry or whatever, anything but be afraid of it.

When the negative isn't so scary, you can recognise it ("hello darkness my old friend" if you can stand S&G) and deal with it: like a headache, take a pill/lie down: negative thoughts, take a walk, change your activity, phone someone etc.....

when I started this post I thought I knew what I meant....now I'm not so sure .....does any of this make sense? portia

[butterfly as guest]

Portia,

Absolutely!  What you said made sense to me.  Someone once told me, face your fear, and your fear will go running away from you sooner or later.  What you said brought that to the forefront of my mind.  I haven't been tending my garden lately.  No wonder there are so much crab grass growing in it.  Gotta go pull out those obnoxious weeds.  Hmmm, the weather is nice today, I think I will go plant some lilacs and some yellow roses.

Butterfly

[Brigid]

I think that when we have been through trauma, be it for a long time or an event, we are drawn down to a sad, i.e., negative place.  I know that for myself, when my H first left me and I was in a serious state of depression, I was finally able to answer "lousy", when people would ask how I was.  This was a totally new experience for them, as I had always been "good," or "great," in the past.  As time has gone by and my demeanor has improved, at least externally, I think people expect me to answer, "great"  or "good" when they ask the question today.    I find it is not easy to do that, as I still don't feel that way.  I am no longer "lousy," but the best I can muster is "pretty good," or "OK," depending on how things have been going that day or week.  Almost universally, the response I get to that is, "well, you look fabulous, great (insert your own word)."  I have made some changes to my hair color and style which I guess others think is flattering (makes me wonder why I didn't do it sooner), but looks are purely external and have very little to do with what is going on inside.

People who have been through this experience can totally understand that it is still a fresh wound and will take time to heal.  People who have not, think its been long enough, I am a strong woman and its time to get over it.  I guess there is a part of me who wants them to know that I am not over it, that I still hurt and the real crux of it, that I still want their concern.  Pragmatically, I know that they don't have time to concern themselves with my issues and that it is my problem.  The negative stuff need to be saved for therapy and the positive must take over in day-to-day life.  Its the healthiest thing for me and my children.  But sometimes it just seems hard to do.  

Brigid

[mum]

Everything has balance. Look at the yinyang symbol.  In the darkness there is light and visa versa.  Twas ever thus, as my mom would say.
My boss put this on the back of our weekly communication:

"Our lives are determined not by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life.  A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.  It is a catalyst....a spark that creates extraordinary results."
(Don't know whose quote that is)

I have seen this manifested forever in my life and the lives of those I love. It  is the way of the world.  There will always be negative along side the positive.  There is a flip side to everything.  To dwell on this is to give the negative more power.  I choose to dwell in possibility, as Emily Dickinson said (although she wasn't much of a practicioner, really).

It's a choice.  Always.  We have so much more power than we realize.  If you choose to, you will see this power of "positive" has more to it than the negative.....it's just human nature to feel powerless (and thanks to centuries of religious dogma). I believe we are one with the divine.  The greatest lie is that we are seperate from that.

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone:

I've been thinking about this discussion quite a bit today.  In a way, it needs discussion to be fully voiced.   The more voices...the better because it's not like one person has all the answers, knows all there is to know, or will say it all without missing stuff or even correctly.  And it's a good thing to consider all the different viewpoints/arguments for and against/methods in regard to positive vs negative thinking.  Or.....it's a complete waste of time......depending on what you decide (heehee ).

Butterfly:

Thankyou very much for the hug.  I like hugs.  Hugs are almost as good as chocolate (just kidding --they really are better--besides, you can't send me chocolate over the net ).  Even a little cyber hug can make my day, sometimes,   because I can imagine the person, you Butterfly, smiling, reaching out, hugging, offering warmth and kindness, security, safety, maybe a bit like mothering (because mothers hug....or they're supposed to and we are supposed to learn from them that those hugs mean something good)...and because all of those thoughts that go with that little hug are good and I feel good after that.  That's a lot of yapping about one little cyber hug but I really mean it.  Thanks!!

What do you do in this case:
a mother tells her daughter not to think about the boogey man in the closet when the mother leaves the room and turns off the light. Inadvertantly, the child can't help it but think about the boogey man in the closet. When someone tells you not to think about something, that's the very thing you think about.

Well, I'm with Portia in that children may not realize the power they have inside their minds because they haven't heard about it, experienced it a whole lot, or been aware that such a thing as choosing to think a certain way might help...and they don't know that they can face their fear, look for the facts, and deal with the demon head on...and live through it.  They need knowledge and experience (wisdom) to fight off such scarey stuff, which usually is gained through life.  So it can be very difficult for a child to deal with such a suggestion....unless they have learned the information/gained experinece about such things... elsewhere/or if they have a natural tendancy to deal with such matters in some comfortable way, which might be possible too?   Mind you, a positive mother would say something like:

"Dream about good stuff tonight" or "have a nice dream" and might even ask if the child would like a night lite on.

In the real world, I know someone who's son was terrified of the boogieman (heard about it on tv) and the mother was really having a time trying to soothe her son.  Finally, she bought a giant poster of Mr. T (do you remember Mr. T??) and hung it on her son's wall.  Once, I visited and asked about the poster and her son said, very confidently:  
"Oh...that's Mr. T!  He won't let any bad guys into my room!  Not even the boogieman!!!  He beats 'em up while I'm asleep!!"

Like when your friend tells you don't think about an apple, think about an orange instead. Inevitably you gravitates towards the thought of an apple.

Unless, your friend is trying to help you and you realize it and so you decide to tell yourself that oranges are the best, you love the colour orange, the smell, the vitamin C, the sweet juice, the way they are like the sun...just before it sets/rises, that they have a wonderful orange firey glow, that round is lovely, that the seeds are white and clean and are great for spitting at pictures of you enemies and........

Inevitably, (to steal your word), your thinking will be focussed on oranges and apples may become less appealing, especially if you take the time to discourage your desire for apples (by thinking that apples get mushy too fast, contain worms sometimes, are often too tart, have thick skin that gets stuck in your teeth, and their seeds are dark and small and hardly ever germinate when planted in a cup of soil, and that you don't like the smell of apples as well as oranges, and apples aren't as round as oranges, and you can easily bruise and apples aren't worth thinking about.........).

And double especially....if you do this consistently, with specific frequency, giving your full effort to it because you know it will help.

That's how I would handle it, as an adult, if I wanted to think about oranges (as my friend suggested I do, and if I thought that was a good suggestion, that I wanted to try to implement).   It is work...no kidding.

I find this is true for negative vs. positive thinking. I try to think positive, but the very thought of trying to stay away from the negative sneaks up on me without my control. What would you do in this case?  

Honestly, as Portia said...sometimes you can't ignor the negative and as Brigid said....trauma/loss takes us to a negative place.  We do have to deal with the feelings and the nasty junk that upsets us....we have to grieve and release our feelings...we have to be negative sometimes... but we don't have to deal with it alllllllllllllllll of the time....even when we're going through it, imo.   We can stop and give ourselves a break.  There's no law that says we can't!

There is no time limit and no way to estimate when a person will, if ever, feel like they have returned to the state they were in previous to the trauma/loss (or any state near it)....so what's the use of staying in soley in negative mode?   We do have to grieve our losses and do so thoroughly and release the feelings that trauma and loss generate but.........

Not alllllllll today.....all the time......every single day.

That's mho.  Sometimes......a little at a time....is enough because it allows for healing inbetween grieving.

So.......you're trying to think positively and the negative just creeps up and sneaks into your head?

Stop.  Do you have to let those thoughts take over?  Or....Do you really need to go there for awhile and get something out?  Only you can decide.

If it feels so strong that it just won't quit then it might be time to get those bongo drums out, a box of kleenex, and a pad and paper.....and write, write, write...negative crap for 15 minutes without stopping.  Feel worse??
Cry, cry, cry and really feel the hurt and really let 'er loose.  Now you're mad??  Wipe eyes with kleenex and proceed to bongo drums and beat the you know what outta them for a few minutes, an hour, a couple of days......(just kidding again-- ).

Whatever it takes to deal with the feelings......good.  Do it!  As Larry the Cable guy (who I really shouldn't mention) would say:   "Get 'er done!!!"
But I might add.......not all at once...it can't be done!!(did I say can't??  well...maybe it can....I don't know for sure ).  It just seems to be more sensible to rest inbetween agonizing. Give nourishment to our emotional state......feed ourselves some good thoughts....inbetween all the yucky stuff.

So after the great bongo beating, pillow punching, paper ripping upping episode seems to have released enough agony for one sitting/stomping/jumping session.... then......decide.....ok enough.  Time to do something else.   All doesn't have to happen in one episode.  

Then there is a conscious....stubborn.....persistent......attempt made to focus on something else.....something positive.....something you like, enjoy, want, dream of, remember that was nice, will be doing soon, someone you enjoy being around, something that makes you smile, etc...anything......to take control of your thoughts and be in charge, in a positive way....for a period of time that you......

choose.

And when those little nasty, negative thoughts start creeping back in, the sneaky little buggers ......you have to take control and say to yourself:

"Wait a minute!!  I'm not going to think about that right now!   I'm busy thinking about this........."  and do it!!

Or:  "No way.  I'm done thinking like that for awhile.  Now where was I....oh yes.....chocolate!!!!!!!!  UMMMMMMM!!!  Yummy!"

Takes practice and patience, like everything else.  The benefits???

Guaranteed = some pleasant, comfortable, enjoyable moments in your messed up, traumatized, grief striken life.  Those moments are entirely up to you/me to create...at will....with effort...over time.  They are ours to seek out and embrace and keep in mind.

Ofcourse, there are lot's of other things to do besides a few fleeting positive thinking sessions to help ourselves heal...it's just that it seems to really begin...with a thought.

I will heal.

And another thought.

I don't have to think about this any more.

ETC.

I know I stay in the same cold, dark, lonely, awful place....without that one initial positive thought....which if I grab ahold of it.....if I choose to hang onto it......will lead to another and another and soon....I am crawling out of the pit of despair and onto rich soil (that's why my fingernails are kept short--- ---it's easier to brush 'em clean!!!).

The point is....others can suggest all they like.....but IIIIIIIII have to do the actual thinking.  I have to decide to take the suggestion or think of a better one.  I have to start my own positive thought process...
(unless.....someone like Butterfly....gives me a cyber hug.....and then it just seems to start up like magic)...and after that....come the positive feelings that follow those good thoughts.....and maybe after that....a little positive action (on my part!!! )....and sometimes, life is good.

The most serious of all statements:

Think what you choose.

GFN

[Butterfly as guest]

Again GFN, you made a garden full of fresh smelling roses sense    

Hugs for you anytime.  I love hugs ( both tangible and intangible)...I just don't get enough of them.  I think I'm broke in my hugs account

What you said about one neg. thought leading into another and another is something I can very much relate to.  I find this very true in my thinking.  For me, it's like a domino effect...once the force of negativity hits the first domino, it brings down all the rest.  And it's so hard for me to stop the flow of its effect.

All that you have mentioned in terms of positive thinking requires a lot of will power and a strong self belief system.  At least, that's how I see it.  Geewiz, I feel so out of shape and have been feeding my mind with a lot of junk that it has drained a lot of enegy out of me.  Now, I need to develop a good mental workout regimen to get back in shape.

Butterfly

[mum]

In my opinion, what has us all stuck on this planet is: we don't know what to do with pain (anything negative....I'm lumping it together).  We do all kinds of things to get out of it or avoid it but we really don't look at it and decide what it is for us or especially, we are not trained how to process it.  We decide pain is BAD and judge it as something to be avoided at all costs.  I'm not advocating looking for pain, but it's there, every single moment we are human.  Accepting it as not bad or good, and seeing what it has to teach us, is fundamental.  

I tried for years to "think positively".  I saw my dad as the most wonderful example of positive thinking and it's manifestations, but as an adult, I couldn't seem to get the hang of it.  For the most part, I have always been rather upbeat, thanks to my dad, but when I really had pain to deal with (and finally dealt with it)  I found I really didn't know what to do with all those strong negative emotions.

I  read everything in sight....listened to every tape on self help and enlightenment,  and although things made perfect sense to my MIND, I did not FEEL it inside.
WHY?  Because although I would KNOW in my HEAD that all these things about positivity were true.....I had no place for this stuff to actually take root and grow.  I had some really screwed up belief systems that were poison soil for any of this.  And that was the deep down first place to start...sterilize the soil as it were. How?  Through my intention.  My focus and intention became to purify and have compassion for myself and change my toxic belief system.

What I found was that I did not know HOW to get rid of the negative.... so I was trying to shut it up and put positive on top of it. But this was all in my head....I wasn't feeling it.  Thinking is one dimensional.  Feeling is two dimensional and the absolute only way to have something become three dimensional or REAL.

I had some help.  I really wanted to learn this....my children/my life depended on my changing.  So in my desperation and choice to change, the universe/God opened a door for me.  

Someone taught me a really simple way of visualizing and meditating that helped me RELEASE pain first before setting my intention of what I wanted (as opposed to what I didn't want!).  

Because it is our nature to fill things up through HABITUAL PATTERN, it was important for me to know that after "letting go" (some people do this through prayer...meditation...whatever it takes) that I fill up that void with  everything I want to FEEL in my life...not just think it.  I actually imagine how things would FEEL.  Some days I just think of something wonderful and simple, because the big stuff is too much (so it's my dogs' soft fur, saying good night to my sweet kids, etc). As long as the void after the release is filled with joy and gratitude, I can change my energy!

All of these things I did happened simultaneously and they go on now....I will never be totally "OK" because I am a fallible human.  But I can deal with that human pain and find joy whenever I want.
 
Mind you, the turning point for me was remarkable, but it took me years to get to that place....and then when I think I am fine, I am right back down there, in the mud, saying.....darn...I really hate this mud...well, at least I know what to do to get out of it.  So I do.

Through our thoughts, feelings and beliefs, we create our lives.
Everything....EVERYTHING is energy.  We are receptacles and transmitters of energy and we get to CHOOSE what we carry around.
Change your energy and change your life.

The universe, in it's infinite love, gives us everything we need to learn and become who we are.  We only need to wake up to it.  We are extremely powerful.

Listen, I could write a book (if anyone could understand me )
but please understand that I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude for what I am learning and if anything hits anyone here with a tiny shred of helpfulness, I will be grateful again.  Life is a miracle to share.

[butterfly as guest]

Mum,

You said a lot of practical stuff.  Things worthy to be put in book form, IMO.  Just let me know when you'll have your first book signing, I'll be the first in line to get your autograph

Butterfly

[mum]

Butterfly you are so sweet....but unless someone gave me a fantastic editor....
besides the directions to the first book signing would be so confusing, no one could get there (or maybe the publisher takes care of that).
I like to think my thoughts make sense to someone, so thank you for telling me that.

[Butterfly again]

Mum wrote:

read everything in sight....listened to every tape on self help and enlightenment, and although things made perfect sense to my MIND, I did not FEEL it inside.
WHY? Because although I would KNOW in my HEAD that all these things about positivity were true.....I had no place for this stuff to actually take root and grow. I had some really screwed up belief systems that were poison soil for any of this. And that was the deep down first place to start...sterilize the soil as it were. How? Through my intention. My focus and intention became to purify and have compassion for myself and change my toxic belief system.

What I found was that I did not know HOW to get rid of the negative.... so I was trying to shut it up and put positive on top of it. But this was all in my head....I wasn't feeling it.

Ditto, ditto, and ditto.  Did I say ditto already? LOL
Yep, that's me you're talking about Mum.

I got to thinking more about what you said about pain...whether it being good/bad or neutral.  That got me to thinking about our own physiological pain receptors.  Yeah, one may think that not being able to feel the pain after scraping our knee may be a good thing.  And wouldn't it be nice if we didn't feel the excruciating pain of stubbing our toe?  The physical pain we feel communicates to us what we need to do something about it.  Imagine what would happen to our open wound if we didn't do anything about it b/c we weren't aware of it??  So, I'm going to say that pain is actually a good thing.  It  benefits us in the long run.  It's a necessary "evil".  I think this concept of pain being beneficial can apply to us on a psychological level as well.

I enjoy reading and mulling over what everybody has to say on different topics.  I learn a lot from them.  But as you can all agree with me, advices can only go so far.  Not that they are unsound or whatever.  But b/c each person's needs, experiences and perception of everything are unique from everyone else's.  What we say comes from our own unique life experience not from anyone else's.  That's why what worked for one person may not necessary work for the next.  I see them as self-limiting but always very valuable and helpful.  

I said that just to say that I tend to see my life in a concentric viewpoint.  I've concluded to myself that there are two main thought processes from which my thinking, feelings, actions eminate.  On a side note, Mum, I'm really happy for you that you've figured out what works for you.  In my case,  I've yet to figure out for myself what works for me...like how to break this cycle of how I see myself which have caused my circle of being to remain static and unexpansive.  Do I make any sense to anyone?

Butterfly

[2cents]

Hi mum,

I really liked what you said about the difference between thinking and feeling positive, and putting a scoop of positive onto deeply negative emotions (sorry to paraphrase - too lazy to quote! ) It's tempting, and maybe necessary in some situations (depending on what one is facing) but it's not ultimately going to change things. Maybe that's what we're all searching for? the way to do this for real? I know in my case I didn't have the skills/support to deal with certain things so I pushed them away and "carried on" until I hit the wall, which was always gonna happen. The wall was so big that I got upset, and decided to stay down. Safer for me. But ultimately a big cheat, and a big mess. I tried "getting out" by putting band-aids on broken bones so to speak, all the while pretending that I was being "positive". But I hope to goodness that real change is finally being broached. It's good to read things like this and get some perspective.

2cents

[mum]

HI, 2cents, Butterfly.
Butterfly, you are absolutely right.  It wasn't until I figured out what worked for me, that everything else I had been reading and thinking about finally made sense.  It's all the same message, packaged differently for different people.  Our lives are like that.  We take little bits of learning from everyone and every experience, but when it takes hold in our own bodies and emotions, the learning becomes part of us, and has it's own style entirely.
It is so wonderful, that this love comes in so many languages, prophets, friends, books,  etc. etc.  And the ultimate truth to this is that it is within us....it is internal.  That's why we all need to learn for ourselves.
As a teacher, it is essential that I address as many different learning styles as possible with everything I teach, otherwise very few of my students will internalize what they are learning.
2Cents:  I agree.  Facing into fear is the only way to really deal with it.  I read somewhere: courage means not that you arent' afraid, but that you do this thing you are afraid of anyway.  Go straight into the pain, explore why it hurts, what it is trying to say.  Like Butterfly said....we stop the bleeding if we cut ourselves...we clean our wound, bandage it up and decide never to go without shoes on the construction site again....but with psychological pain, we don't deal at all.  We hide, we drink, we rage, we run.... but it never leaves us until we transform it and deal with it.
Pain is meant to be useful...unfortunately, our running from it becomes  habitual because of it's persistance (ie: human nature).