Anything

[Butterfly]

You are too funny, Sela.

[Brigid]

Butterfly,
Thank you for sharing that lovely poem.  It states so beautifully how my heart feels these days and the gratitude I feel for the adversity I have overcome.

Many blessings,

Brigid

[Butterfly]

You're welcomed, Brigid. 

 I'm glad to hear how you've overcome your adversity.  Isn't it such a sweet feeling to have inner victory?!

Have a good day.

Butterfly

[Brigid]

Butterfly,

Isn't it such a sweet feeling to have inner victory?!

Yes, indeed.    But more than that it is the inner peace that I feel which is sooooo sweet.  There were times in the last 2 years when I thought such a thing would never be possible.  I am now grateful for how bad it was, so I can truly appreciate how good I now feel.  Thank you again for your beautiful words.

Hugs,

Brigid

[Butterfly]

But more than that it is the inner peace that I feel which is sooooo sweet.  There were times in the last 2 years when I thought such a thing would never be possible.  I am now grateful for how bad it was, so I can truly appreciate how good I now feel.  Thank you again for your beautiful words.

I totally agree with you about the inner peace.  I would say that is the sweetest thing for me.  It's amazing how much we can learn about ourselves, others, and human nature in general through conflicts and negative personal experiences.  For me, it has made me a wiser person as a result.  Walking through fire really does refine gold!

Butterfly A.K.A. Kheng

[Moira]

Hi all! Haven't been posting for a few weeks. Many distressing things unfolding in my life. Bear with me- I feel the need for a wee unburdening rant! I ended up leaving the new job I'd taken 3 months ago. It was supposed to be developing a new program mental health and addictions in our skid row area. This was a dream job I've waited for for many years. Unfortunately it didn't pan out for many reasons. Great nurses I was working with but a real anal and rigid supervisor- This program was a non event- not remotely up and running, total chaos, disorganized and a make work project to justify funding. I was sorely disappointed. The worst part was that I had a conflict with this supervisor. As it was still my 3 month probation period, I agreed to leave and return to my old job. The writing was on the wall with this woman anyway. 3 weeks into this job, she pulled me asie and tol dme she had serious concerns about my health. She elaborated, saying she felt I had lost a significant amount of weight in the one month since I'd been hired!! A total crock of shite!!! I had in fact gained 10 lbs. Have always been thin- no where anything near anorexic. did lose 20 lbs in april following a toxic reaction to a medication that landed me inhospital for 2 weeks on IVs. No one else who knows me has any concerns about my health. I also started hearing through the grapevine she had huge problems with the fact I have tattoos. The upshot was she called me into her office just before Halloween and told me I wasn't the right personality for this job. She told me I was the " rudest, most disrespectful and disruptive person she's ever met" !!!!! She said she oculdn't believe no one else has ever given me this feedback!!! No examples provided. She then laid out two more things that were false allegations and I easily proved them lies. The long and the short of it is that I was not happy there from day 1 and could not obviously work with this woman. I returned to my old job at a mental health team 2 weeks ago. this is also a toxic environment where I had worked 7 years and have an ongoing conflict with my supervisor here. She is new- came a year ago. I had launched 2 grievances last year to do with safety to practice violations that put myself and co workers in real danger- things she was aware of and elected to do nothing about. she is livid I've returned to my job- in fact has actually hired someone else to do it! My job is protected by union and I can now file yet another grievance. i am guaranteed my job. since my return she has attacked me multiple times a day, is documenting everything I do, picks apart my work, questions my judgement and is rude and abrasive. I'm just keeping my head down, biding my time and checking job posting daily till I can find something in a less toxic place. But I have to say the paranoia and anxiety are killing me. i'm at the point where for the past 3 mornings I'm physcially ill before I even get to work. I have great supports,. a good union rep, a great shrink etc. But I still feel like I'm losing my mind, so difficult to concentrate  and I'm gettingparanoid about my own judgement- even though I've done this work for over 20 yrs and have an excellent reputation. I have to sign off now- am on a break at work and have a call to go out on. Thanks for listening. There ismore to this and I'll post it maybe later today. Hope all of you are well and looke forward to catching up. thanks for letting me vent! Moira

[Sela]

Oh Dear Moira!

What an awful situation for you to be in!  I'm so sorry this is happening.

1.  Do your own documenting.  Document.  Document.  Document.  Start by printing out what you posted to us....as a summary.

2.  Anyone would feel afraid in your situation.  Try your hardest not to let the fear rule.  It's so hard but try.
     This woman is a nurse???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
      Can you contact the board that holds her licence?
      Surely this is unelthical, unprofessional behaviour that could be reported?

     Don't put your head down Moira!  Hold it up where it belongs.  You have done nothing wrong.  When she documents....you document....and be sure to let her know you are doing so.  Can you call the supervisor?  Is there any one else who is witness to her behaviour toward you?  Can you get them to document too?

     The more evidence of her behaviour you get.......the safer you will feel.  You'll have something to present when appropriate to whoever it is necessary.

3.   Intimidation is a powerful tool.  She's wielding it well.   This woman isn't God!  I have always found that although it is terrifying.......the sooner I have stood up to people who play like this.......the sooner I get them off mt case!  It's scary but they are usually cowards themselves.  That's why they use the tactics they do to intimidate others.   As soon as anyone stands up to them......they melt.  They are too cowardly to do actual battle.  They just like to scarrrrrrrrrrrrre people.  Don't give her that power Moira.   She's feeding off your reactions.  Starve her Moira!!  Look totally unaffected.  Smile.  Be sweet.  "Oh bye the way, I'm documenting this conversation."  Lot's of:  "oh really? 's" and "you can't be serious??"'s.  Do your best to show no fear!!  Laugh as much as you can and DO YOUR JOB AS YOU SEE FIT.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Moira))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This won't last forever.  Soon your union will have you outta there.  Until then.....keep your wits about you.

After 20 years.........you know what you're doing at work.  You don't need this woman to convince you differently.    Believe in you and do your best to view this person as a tiny speck of sand.......trying to make herself out to be a giant stone.   Picture her naked........when she starts in at you.  Maybe that will help!  ( ).  Or.......try to hear........"blah blah blah" and think:  "Air head!". 

And vent here as you need.  Good going Moira!

Sela

[Moira]

Hi all! Thanks Sela for your support! Good to be back here! The rest of my stuff involves one of my cats being seriously ill. He is ten yrs old and has developed some kind of major liver problem. Kept telling him not to drink! Hee hee! Have to use humour to help me deal with this. I had switched all 3 of my felines from commercial dry cat food to wet food from the vet to a raw diet. The vet had recommended this as they're all getting older andit's apparently healthier and easier on their digestion and kidneys. My oldest, Clancy, has always been a finicky eater and was most miffed he was deprived of his beloved crunchies! He has probably inretrospect being eating alot less for the past 2 months when I started this switch. i didn't notice because all 3 eat together and it's impossible to accurately monitor who eats what. He was energetic, playful and affectionate right up to a week and a half ago. Then I noticed one day he wasn't eating at all and was totally lethargic. I took him to the vet and they said he had some sort of major liver problem- lipidosis. Apparently if cats stop eating adeuqately they start digesting their fat stores and cats are one animal that can't tolerate this. Causes fat deposits to build up in their livers and they become toxic and is easily fatal. Turns out Clancy had lost almost 8 lbs which is hugely significant. He is a big cat- normally weighs 20 lbs. He's a Maine Coon- big breed. I feel so guilty I didn't notice this weight loss until it was too late. I have been giving him antibiotics and force feeding him a high protein diet with a syringe since then. It is stressfu lfor both of us but he is tolerating it well. I'm feeding him every 4-5 hours and am getting up during the night. This must be what it's like to have a baby! I almost think breast feeding would be easier but then babies don't have fangs and claws! I'm so in my head about this and so sad I may lose him. This coupled with the harassment at work has made my life unbearable the last month. I took Clancy on the wk.end for an emergency ultrasound and it didn't show any cancer or anything else really ominous. Good news. And his health prior to this has been good- no problems. He has started to eat on his own the past few days. Have been giving him tuna- his fav. He's still not eating nearly enough onhis own to recover so I'm continuing the force feeding. He's brighter, more alert, is meeting me at the door when I come home, is affectionate and last night slept with me on my bed. So I'm cautiously optimistic that he may have turned the proverbial corner! I know that loss and death are part of life and unavoidable but I feel if I lose him now it will be too hard to deal with , with all this other shit going on. I have good supports as i think I said so whatever happens i do know I'll get through it. The slimy ex N boyfriend who has been avoiding me the past 2 months at our NA meetings has returned to haunt me.He's now going to meetings I'm going to. a few weeks ago he came to pick up the last o fhis stuff at my place. I had friends there with me and we didn't speak the whole time he was there. However on his way out he said to me that he still loves me. what a crock of shite!!!! He is jealous because I've gone to some of the meetings he's been at with a good male friend of mine. In his twisted mind I'm having an affair with this man. Th ex has publicly" shared" that " someone he loves is fucking up their program, is 13 stepping and is being taken advantage of". He has also publicly called my friend " a low life, a predator and a sewer rat". Unbeleivable but so typical eh?!!! Unfortunately there is no such thing as NA police! i do know that several old timers who have been in the fellowship a long time have taken him aside and had some fireside chats about his inappropriate behaviour. He actually thinks he is coming across as the injured party, the righteous one, and that all he is doing is " trying to protect me". He's incensed that " his property" might " belong" to some other man- even though this is not the case! Thanks for listening. all you animal lovers- please say a prayer for Clancy and I'll keep you posted. thanks for being here- means alot to me! Moira

[Plucky]

Hi Moira,
I'm praying for Clancy.   You are doing a great job and it does sound like a newborn.  BTW babies do have claws.  Their tiny little nails are soooo sharp!  But I digress.

As far as work, try to detach.  It is a short term situation.  For your jerk of a boss, she has a lot more invested.  You can leave and go elsewhere and do a great job.  She has to stay where she is and defend her turf by using lies and underhanded means.   You are in a better place, though it may not feel that way right now.

Tell yourself every day that it just doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter what she thinks.  It doesn't matter what she says.  It doesn't matter who she tells what.  Only she thinks it does, the silly prat.  Because you are so out of there.   Because lots of people can see right through her.

And the losers are the clients.   I feel sorry for them, to lose you.
Plucky



   

[Sela]

Hi Moira:

I'll pray for your little kitty too (well....big kitty...those Maine Coon's are gorgeous!!).

(((((((((((((((((((Moira))))))))))))))))

Sela

[Moira]

Thanks Plucky and Sela! Means so much to me! As I said previously, it seems Clancy has turned the corner for the better! Hope his progress continues. Last night I was actually able to go out without feeling guilty. Left a plate of tuna for him and he did eat half a can! As for work- thanks again for your support. Helps me focus on the fact that perhaps I'm not losing my mind and my confidence in my decisions. I know intellectually my behind is totally covered by my union and I'm fortunate to have a great rep. Stilll have anxiety though as her harassment definatley affects my ability to think clearly and deal effectively with my heavy workload. However I am confident that deep down I know 100% I have not made any errors in judgement. And I agree- it is my clients who are caught in the middle and she has no appreciation for the real focus of my job. As I said yesteray, she was in a good mood, actually had a sense of humour and left me alone. Maybe she got laid!- pardon my 12 yr old humour! Hee hee! I sincerely hope I find another realtively non toxic job soon. My shrink is on board too interms of supporting me completley. I doubt at this point that I'll have to go on some kind of disability but it's good to know at least I do have that option. Will keep you posted and thanks for your prayers for my feline! Hugs, Moira

[Sela]

Hey Moira!

You sound like you're feeling better!  I'm glad!  Thata girl!  Keep your chin up!


Totally off topic.........this one could be turned around (if a guy felt like turning it into a guy joke):


In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope..
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,

"It's just standard pricing procedure.   We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

  Sela

[Moira]

Hi Sela! Thaks for your comments re: my feline and work sitch! I actually had a reprieve of 3 days last wk. where boss not only left me alone, but was firendly and had sense o fhumour! If I already mentioned this, forgive me! sieve brain mode! However, today I got back to work and had most snarky email from her and also a snarky conversation publicly in our a.m. mtg. where we discuss clinical concerns etc. I had a safety concern that she was directly involved in and she didn't do her job. After hearing me, she intially apologized, and then jumped right back into attacking me! At least lmy colleagues got a taste of what I'm going through! Sigh! However, I continue to anally document and forward to my union rep. funnily enough, I no longer am feeling so stressed out by her behaviour. I had a chat with the other nurse who also does my job( the one she allegedly gave my job to) and he is on board with my judgement and reply I sent to her re: snarky accusatory mssg.My birthday is tomorrow and i'm proud to announce I quit smoking 3 days ago( no temptations!!) and this will be the first birthday in a long time I'll be free of alcohol, drugs and smokes!!! As for the slimy N ex who is publicly " sharing" about me in NA mtgs- he has toned it down. I know for a fact that several oldtimers- who are also friends of mine- have had some fireside chats with him about the imappropriateness of his speaking out and it's non e of his business. So far he appears to be listening. I really don't care though at this point as it just reflects on him and has nothing to do with me. enough about me!! How goes it with you? Thanks for the joke and the laugh!!! You are a font of humour and I'm sure I'm not th eonly one here who appreciates that!!! I can never remember the punchlines- a wee stumbling point in delivery, eh?!! Take care and light and good energy to you and all! Moira

[Sela]

Hi Moira:

Sounds like you're taking the right steps at work and sticking with your plan.  Good for you!  Glad to hear the other nurse (guy) agrees with you.  That has to help!

I love what you said about your ex:

I really don't care though at this point as it just reflects on him and has nothing to do with me.

That's one worth repeating!!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY MOIRA!!!  ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!!
and BIG  Congrats about the quitting smoking!!  Wonderful news!!!  It's a tough one to kick!!  I've been over 2 years now......recovering from my addiction to cigs......

Just keep trying!!!  You'll get there!!

Oh yessssssss jokes!  I love jokes!  I remember them for awhile until new ones come along then......I remember those for a bit.  Laughing is great medicine.  I'm addicted to it!!   It's my drug!!

hahahahahaha!!!  heeeheeeheeheeheehee!!!  hohohohohohohoho!!!!  endorphins.  love 'em.

  Sela

Ps......really..it's just another release...laughing.  eh?

[Moira]

Hi Sela! Thanks again for your support- always enjoy your posting!!! And thanks for the natal day wishes! Have plans for a surprise dinner with some friends- am looking forward to it as I've been told to dress up!. Love playing the grown up girl- hee hee! Am also addicted to clothes so will have to spent hours doing yet another archeological dig in my closet for my collection of cocktail dresses etc! Likely buried somewhere in my Jurasic buying sprees!!! Hee hee! Happy to report also that my feline, Clancy, is doing amazingly well. for the past week now he's been eating adequately - being spoiled with tuna- his fav. Also he's back to his usual personality- affectionate, sleeping with me, energetic, interacting with my other 2 cat boys - incl. chasing them! Although still quite thin, he's a big cat and his chasing is kinda like a lumbering brontosaurus " lope". Hee hee! Am so relieved!!! As for the harassing boss- my 3 day hiatus appears to have come to an end- although is not too traumatic and I'm pretty much detaching myself from her shit. She accused me publicly of violating a policy that involved a doctor- who had requested and then approved my decision. Informed her she might want to curb her accusations until she had all the facts and did it not occur to her I would- obviously- have o.k'ed this with the doc.. document, document!! I'm certain my union rep is getting a wee bit tired with our " going steady"!! Today she made some odd comment after the morning meeting about" I never noticed you drink alot of coffee". Hmm! My mind immediately goes to some sort of thought on her part that I'm too tired to do my job!! Have an evaluation coming up soon!!! Will have union rep for sure attend. Slimy ex N appears to have disappeared- for now- back into the proverbial woodwork! Apparently at some NA mtg. I wasn't at- my girlfriend told me he was " sharing" about an upcoming date with some woman in the program!!! As if I- or anyone else for that matter!!!- gives a shit!!! All I can say,is RUN- to that poor unsuspecting prey- however that's just a fleeting thought on my part- not obsessing- as it has nothing to do with me! Am off to continue inhaling caffeine- hee hee!!! Can only help keep my mind razor sharp and my body poised for ? fight rather than flight!!! Hee hee! Take care and hope allis going swimmingly for you! Love, Moira