Oh Bridgid!
You're always on here giving advice! You DO NOT sound like you're having a pity party for one...you're having a day. I have good days, bad days, days I don't want to get out of bed.
You have your groups and therapist to see, so not only do you have them, but us too. And you're getting so many different points of view too!
I can empathize (I am SO NOT AN N!!!) about feeling lost. I dont' know whether I am coming or going some days. I don't know who "Andrea" is anymore. I was trying so hard to be what my N wanted, I'm confused as to who I was once before.
I still have the leftover guilt of not living up to his expectations. I'm still thinking I should really try to lose the 40 lbs, I want to change my haircolor, and I just want to be this whole new person to escape what I was. Not for him, but just to prove that I can do it without him breathing down my neck. Plus I want to see his face when I complete what I want to do. I want him to feel that want like I have all these months.
And the funny thing is, last week I met his sister in law for the first time while out. She was telling me how all the women, including his MOTHER told him what an idiot he was for not staying with me. They were like, she cooks, she cleans, she's beautiful, she loves you...and its' still not good enough? I guess they're all pretty angry with him.
But then she looked at me and says, "I know you're still in love with him, I can see it on your face..." and I could of just died. Does he see my pathetic wanting puppy face too? Is that why he does what he does? I'm so terribly honest and weak?
Anways, this is supposed to cheer up bridg, not for me to vent further. I just havent' been on in a few days and missed you. Plus I guess I did have to vent!
Sorry!
