Longtire:
Not sure if you still want this info or not:
For me, the hardest part about ending my marriage was breaking the vows I made to my spouse. I try so hard to keep my word and felt like a liar for not doing so. The vow that bothered me the most was.....in sickness and in health.
I knew my spouse was sick and here I was.....wanting to leave him. Breaking my vow not to do that---my vow to remain in sickness and in health.
So I had to think about what that vow really meant. Sickness, such as something that would cause him to be in a sick bed, getting treatment, was one thing. Sickness, in which there was no cure but he was being brave and trying to help himself was something else. Sickness, where he gave up and I was the only one left fighting would be another type. But sickness, in which he was not seeking help, where there was no treatment/cure being sought, where there was no acknowledgement of the sickness, where no one was fighting it but me, and that was futile because it was denied, sickness that was spreading to everyone else around it, while being ignored by the sickee.......that was an entirely different thing than what I really believed I had made a vow to stand by. That was more than sickness, it was abuse, and I vowed not to marry that.
So I separated. And nothing changed.
So I divorced. Still no change. Probably never will be a change.
The point is.....if a person in a marriage refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, refuses to seek help for the problem, refuses to take their own part of responsibility for the problem, refuses to get help for the problem, is totally unwilling to do anything at all to solve the problem.....then.....there is no marriage. There is only one sorry exhausted person trying hopelessly to work with a sick person who is getting sicker and will continue to do that (if a marriage is sick then both people need to seek help for it). I made no vow to remain married to sickness that was making me sick and that's what helped me to finally feel like I could end it and not feel like a disloyal liar.
Separation solidified my decision. It costs money to legally separate and then more money later, to divorce.
Bottom line is......unless some miracle happens......once separated from sickness......one feels somewhat healthier and less likely to want to return to it.
GFN
