Hi, alll--
I have been realizing something about myself that I haven't see mentioned in books or readings-- I wondered if anyone else has my same experience.
Throughout childhood, my narcissistic family was fully supportive of my parents not being truthful with me. Sometimes it was out and out lying and sometimes it was more subtle-- "correcting" me all the time when the motive was to be superior, for instance, and not to help me or provide information. A couple of times when I was an adult, to keep myself sane when I was with them, I played a game where I would say something ("this car is big!") and wait for their response ("well, it's the smallest car in its class. It has been known by the whole world to be extremely small. Big is wrong. SMALL!"). Then a few minutes later I'd say the opposite thing ("this car is cozy and small") and wait for their response, which of course would be correcting me and the opposite of what they said before ("no one thinks this is a small car. It is the biggest car in the world.") They never seemed to notice this game, including that I said opposite things. I finally stopped because it was freaking me out.
For a narcissist, the truth doesn't exist-- it's all about two things (1) getting something they want right then, and/or (2) exerting superiority. And they don't even seem to form memories like the rest of us do-- my parents remember almost nothing of the past when it comes to me, even the recent past.
This makes a child nuts. My reaction was to become obsessed with the truth. It isn't that I don't get that there are multiple perspectives and perceptions-- I want to know all of those, too. I want to measure the car, then read on-line about what different people think about the size of the car, and the sit in a lot of cars to draw my own conclusions (to continue the metaphor).
Anyone else have this reaction to their upbringing? It has its benefits-- I'm pretty very well-informed (I think I vote for the right person -- at least for me

, and I'm a great scientist-- but underneath the benefit is some dark stuff, because for many years most of what was said to me at home just wasn't real. That has to leave scars (and lack of trust). I'll never join a crazy cult but on the other hand I'll never have the pleasure of just surrendering to the wisdom of someone's words (without this little voice inside telling me to find out if what they are saying can be trusted, and if they can). When I meet religious people who have fundametalist views, it's like meeting space aliens to me. But part of me envies them their ability to give in to something like that.
Thanks for reading! I would love to hear others' views.