Author Topic: New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???  (Read 12975 times)

vunil

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #30 on: February 22, 2005, 08:39:38 PM »
Hi, Mum--

Do you really believe it's possible for hypnosis to cure disease?

Just checking which part is the devil and which part is you !

mum

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #31 on: February 23, 2005, 12:28:38 AM »
Vunil: re: devil's advocate (otherwise known as P.I.T.A.):
I think anything is possible, but we humans are clueless. So I guess not, as so many people close to me recently have died or are dying of some pretty horrible diseases. Although I think if it were easier to get out of (as in psych ourselves out of death) we would still choose to die.  This life is meant to be temporary and I think everyone believes that one.
But as my dogs go flying out the door after yet another percieved annoyance, I've got to say: what a fun life it is!  HA!  (dogs are the best!)

bomaguy

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #32 on: May 03, 2005, 12:03:00 PM »
Hi all. This is my first post so bear with me.

I have just got out of a relationship with a narcissist. I was with her a year and started to realise about 7 or 8 months into the relationship.

The Internet has been an incredible learning source! You have to take some of what is written with a pinch of salt. Then again, SO MUCH rings true of my ex! When I read other people's experiences of living with a narcissist, it is as though they know my N intimately. It is as though they are writing about her.

She is very, very into the New Age. She is into crystals, healing, medicine wheel, 5rhythms etc etc

It seems to me that all these activities are just yet more (and very reliable) sources of Narcissistic Supply. They provide a captive audience for her on weekends/workshops/ceremonies. These groups draw in new recruits from time to time, offering opportunities to groom yet more sources of Narcissistic Supply. It's perfect!

I'm still kind of obsessed with her and what has happened over this past year (I've only been out of the relationship a few weeks). But I feel very calm and glad it is all over. I don't even dislike her. I feel sorry for her. I want to help her but I know I can't.

Anyway, just thought I'd contribute to this thread because it seemed relavent.

October

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #33 on: May 03, 2005, 03:34:20 PM »
I don't know a great deal about New Age apart from buying the odd pretty crystal for my daughter, just to look at.   :)

However, a lot of what has been discussed here can apply equally well to fundamentalist Christianity.  It too can have a very antagonistic approach to people who are ill, or dying, or unfortunate one way or another, as if it is their fault for not having enough faith to pray away their situation.  And worst of all if they are divorcing their spouse, whatever the reason. This is a very cruel version of religion, and has nothing to do with Christ, or what he had to say to people with illnesses, or who had fallen into difficult times, imo.

My own dad has a Methodist background, and when I was young used to use his own particular favourite bits of the Bible as sticks to beat us with.  Again, not what I would regard as the purpose of any faith.  One example is that I had only one school uniform (skirt and jumper, and several shirts), and a bone idle Nmother.   :?   At primary school God knows how often my uniform was washed, but by the time I got to secondary school, I knew it had to be washed on a Friday night or Saturday morning, then dried in time for ironing on Sunday and wearing on Monday.  Every single time my dad caught me in the kitchen, ironing my school uniform on a Sunday afternoon, he told me that his mother did her washing on a Monday, drying on Tuesday, ironing on Wednesday, and that ironing on Sunday was not allowed.  He would be very angry and say, 'You shouldn't iron on a Sunday'.  And every time I would try to explain that I needed the uniform Monday to Friday, and therefore ...  He never ever heard what I said.  I had to try to iron when he was not around, or hide what I was doing.  And this in the name of religion.   :?

I suppose what I am trying to say is that New Age may be very N based, but traditional religion, based on Patriarchy, is little better, imo.  Both are based around imposing on people what is best for them, rather than allowing them to be who they were meant to be.

Anyone who believes that the right kind of faith, or prayer, or any other form of magical thinking, will be enough to prevent them from falling ill, or from misfortune of one kind or another, is living in fairy land.  Life is not like that.  The rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous.

2cents

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #34 on: May 03, 2005, 06:26:52 PM »
Hi bomaguy,

Don't know a lot about New Age but I can see how someone with a yen to attract 'followers' or 'instruct' other people on 'how to live thier lives' could get into this kind of thing. I once knew a woman who was very damaging and toxic who was into all these kinds of things. She was forever declaiming to others on what their 'faults' were but had never seemed to have heard of a mirror  :!:  :?:

October,

Sorry for what your dad did to you. Criticising, control, making you feel 'caught' in your own kitchen - it's YOUR kitchen too! :x

Vunil,

I don't think hypnosis can cure disease, but I have been seeing a hypnotherapist  since November 2004 and I can honestly say that this therapy has made a HUGE difference to my life. I've been depressed for many years, severely so since 1998, plus complex PTSD, dissociation - a whole load of not nice things. I was in therapy for four years, taking anti-depressants, Saint John's Wort, the whole shebang. (sp?) I was VERY SCEPTICAL about hypnosis. But the progress I've made in the last 6 months has been astounding. We're still working on self-confidence and well-being, but I have real hopes that as I grow stronger I can start addressing some of my deeper issues, things I haven't been able to touch for years. Again, I was VERY SCEPTICAL about this. But everyone around me has noticed the difference in me, so I'm not just seeing what I want to see.

I'm more physically relaxed, I make eye-contact now, I can sit still in a room full of people instead of pacing/dashing outside to chain-smoke/leaving early/ jumping out of my skin if someone tries to touch me, I even stand up straight!  My therapist is a hypno-THERAPIST, NOT a hypnotist. He is a trained and licenced professional. Like with any therapist it is important to research a person's credentials first. He is a guide to healing. Any changes I make I make because I WANT TO GET BETTER. I still have that moment - even when actually under hypnosis, where my conscious mind is like 'yeah right, this is rilly gonna help...I MUST be nuts' whatever. The point is MY MIND is in the driving seat, and I am AWARE of what he is saying. We work together, and I am an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT in the whole process.

Whew! Sorry for the long spiel, just wanted to share my experiences  :oops:

2cents

mum as guest

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #35 on: May 03, 2005, 06:34:54 PM »
Hi, Bomaguy:
Welcome.  I felt the same type of feeling when I first got to this board: like these people were writing about my ex N!!!
I think N's come in every possible package, in every walk of life, and ANY place where they can get people to pay attention to them.  This is both a little disconcerting (as in we can't get away from them...they're everywhere!!!) and comforting (ok, it's not just me/this job/my neighborhood).
So welcome to a VERY large club....I think people on this board are just plain nice....and definately know what it's like to have to deal with Nidiots!!!
MUM

Anonymous

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #36 on: May 03, 2005, 07:23:32 PM »
Thanks for the feedback guys.

I'm a bit confused (not surprisingly maybe!).

Maybe I should feel rage...but I just don't. I feel sorry for her. Really.

I don't think she is evil. I think she needs help but from what I've read the prognosis is not very good.

My plan is to treat her like an adult- That is if we have any further contact. I think she knows I've sussed her. She had unsupervised access to my PC throughout the relationship so she may know I know the game she plays just by looking at my web history list...

Anyway the plan is...If she starts throwing a tantrum or trying to pathologise me, belittle me, make me feel guilty etc etc then I will just treat her like you would treat a small child having a tantrum: Point out how she is trying to be controlling and say I won't accept it. "Come back when you have calmed down" type of approach.

We shall see!

Keep you posted.

mum

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1036
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #37 on: May 03, 2005, 09:31:39 PM »
bomaguy: (I assume that last post was you).  I am confused: how would this woman have access to your computer?  Are you still living together, or is she welcome in your home?
The N's really do mess with our heads....as you said on the other thread, so consider that the end of a relationship may also include (no explaination needed) the end of her use of your computer.  Detach completely if you want to be free of her (and from what you say, sounds very likely).
Mum

October

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #38 on: May 04, 2005, 05:30:40 AM »
Quote from: 2cents


October,

Sorry for what your dad did to you. Criticising, control, making you feel 'caught' in your own kitchen - it's YOUR kitchen too! :x

2cents


That should have been true, but wasn't.  That was something else he used to say.  It was his house, not ours.   :?

I was not allowed a lock on my bedroom door, because there was not to be any door in the house (bathroom excepted) that he couldn't walk through, day or night, whenever he wanted.  No locked doors.

Which led to those immortal words on my 21st birthday; "You might have got the 'key of the door', but that doesn't mean you get a door key."
 :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  

(My daughter got her own door key at the age of 9.  Not to be a latchkey child, but to have a key.)

Dad felt right at home alongside Paul in Acts.  Nothing against Paul, of course, but if you choose selectively from his writing you get a lot of ammunition to use against women/girls.  No doubt if Dad had been New Age instead of Methodist he would have found something else to use.

There is an old Jewish saying; What do donkeys look for when reading the Bible?  The answer is; stories about donkeys.   :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

bomaguy

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #39 on: May 04, 2005, 11:46:32 AM »
Mum:

She had access to my PC because I trusted her!

We never lived together, but she often stayed over and I would go off to work in the morning leaving her in my flat alone.

It's now 5 days since I have heard from her...I really think maybe she knows she has been sussed!

I'm not yet sure if I am going to cut contact 100%. I feel so sorry for her...it must be hell to be an N. Despite the shit she put me through, I would like to help her...but how?

Brigid

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #40 on: May 04, 2005, 12:08:00 PM »
bomaguy,
Welcome.

It is obviously your choice whether to cut off contact with her, but I think most of us here would say that is your best shot at being able to move on with your life with hopes of having a healthy relationship in the future.

Those of us with children with our N spouses, cannot, in most cases, completely walk away, but limited contact is best.

If you remain in contact with her you are subject to getting sucked back in (I believe the term is hoovering), and finding it more and more difficult to detach.  We all know that they are pathetic individuals that need a ton of help to ever be healthy, but you will not be able to convince her of that if she is truly an N.  She must come to that conclusion herself and be commited to the many years of therapy that would be necessary.  It is rare that this will happen.

Good luck with working through this.

Brigid

Anonymous

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #41 on: May 04, 2005, 04:20:44 PM »
Quote from: bomaguy
I'm not yet sure if I am going to cut contact 100%. I feel so sorry for her...it must be hell to be an N. Despite the shit she put me through, I would like to help her...but how?


You can't help her for these reasons:

-- She doesn't think she has a problem.

-- She hasn't asked for help.

-- You aren't qualified to help her.

-- You will get sucked back in and the abuse will continue.


bunny

Anonymous

  • Guest
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #42 on: May 04, 2005, 08:14:25 PM »
It's laughable really. She never tires of telling anyone who will listen that she is on a 'spiritual path' and is on the road of 'personal development'. HA! Yeh right. Whatever...

Her road to spiritual enlightenment is to seed fear, intimidation, control, inferiority and guilt on all whom she touches. She has NO IDEA that that is what she does.

She has already moved onto her next vicitim and has another lined up as a back up. He's a nice guy. Gentle, thoughtful, responsible. Good eating in her eyes. Poor man. The Tsunami of abuse will kick in in about 3 months I would guess. But there is no way I can say anything to him. He wouldn't believe me if I did say something. And think that I'm the unstable one.

bomaguy

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #43 on: May 04, 2005, 08:19:45 PM »
That 'guest' is me btw. forgot to log in. Lot on my mind  :)

mum

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1036
New Age Spirituality and Narcissism???
« Reply #44 on: May 04, 2005, 08:35:10 PM »
HI, Bomaguy: it certainly sounds like you have a handle on this woman...and you are right, it is not worth your energy trying to "save" her next victim.  I have been trying to save my children for years....but as their mom, I may have some influence (despite the Nidiot).
It does suck to be an N. Love her "spiritual path"....heck, everyone IS on a spiritual path...duh!  Her path smells.