Ex Dilemma

[October]

October:  Do you have a dog?  I know they are a lot of work, but I can sob in front of my dogs, not my children.  Dogs are great therapy, kids never should be.  

Nope.  Perhaps I should try the budgie ...  

We used to have a dog at home, and I know what you mean.  Ben was always very tuned into my moods, and could understand and be there when I needed him.  Lovely dog.  

My daughter is not therapy in the way you mean, of course, but she is good at taking me out of myself and into looking after her.  Forces me to keep going.

[mum]

October; see? you do have an ability to still count your blessings.... a healthy thing, I think! Never ceases to amaze me that our most precious things can come from such dysfunction.

[October]

October; see? you do have an ability to still count your blessings.... a healthy thing, I think! Never ceases to amaze me that our most precious things can come from such dysfunction.

You're absolutely right, mum.  And sometimes I even have to use my other hand!!!!  

xxxxxxxxxxx

[mum]

yes!  And then when we get to our toes, we're really having a great day!
Wishing toe counting for you today!!

[Anonymous]

Hi October, Mum:

Now you two got me giggling...picturing people counting fingers and toes.   Mine are too busy typing right now.  Later.  For sure!!

Hey!  Mum!  I agree totally about the dog.  My dog is my real therapist!!   And now I have a 12 week old puppy to keep me hopping about!  Boy!  Did I forget how much work a pup is or what???  Still......as you say....they are such great companions....and no matter what happens.....they are always there, waiting for you, ready to be your friend.  The love they give you is truly unconditional.

Budgie's are cool too!  I've had them in the past.  I loved the canary I had one time.  He used to sing and sing.....early in the morning.  He had such a beautiful voice!  (only the males sing).  He could really take my mind off my troubles.  He was such a miracle, the little guy.  But very, very frightened of people.  After much time and patience of trying, he would finally sit on my finger, inside his cage.  But that was it.  Never could convince him that I wasn't going to eat him and he wouldn't let me pat him.  No way.

Just thinking, October.  Do you play cards with your daughter?  Do you like to read together?  What do you do for fun?

My kids used to love those things.  Baking too.  And we used to make home made play dough.  I have a recipe that is simple and doesn't require anything fancy.  Even when they were a bit older, we used to say that play dough and Leggo were not made just for kids!   Big kids and adults could have fun too!   I had just as much fun as them.  We had stacks of Leggo and built huge contraptions.  Sometimes we baked our play dough creations and painted them.  Made Christmas tree ornaments, Easter, etc.  We made some really killer card houses too!   We still do a crafts together.

All of these things are distractions but what the heck?  If you can possibly find a way to have a bit of fun together....go for it!

I am trying to get that drink of water...

Good for you October!!!  Soon we will all be in awe of your fresh, healthy look!!   Skin that shines and feels so soft!  Hey!  Maybe you and your daughter can give yourselves home-facials!  We had a riot doing that!!

GFN

[Anonymous]

GFN wrote,

Now you two got me giggling...picturing people counting fingers and toes.  Mine are too busy typing right now.

Your fingers or your toes?

mudpup

[Anonymous]

He will get round to it eventually.  This may sound strange, but he is gay, and women are rather invisible to him.  If I was one of his gay friends he would have called already.  It is nothing personal.

This doesn't sound strange, it sounds really narcissistic! He's a minister and only calls gay men because that's who interests him??!  Okay, I'm seriously annoyed by him.

And your counselor didn't give you her phone number??!? What kind of counselor does that? That is outrageous. What if you were suicidal or having a panic attack (which is what it sounds like btw)??  I'm really pissed off at this counselor.

Well, we're still here!

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hi October,

You're absolutely right, mum. And sometimes I even have to use my other hand!!!!

My daughter is not therapy in the way you mean, of course, but she is good at taking me out of myself and into looking after her. Forces me to keep going.
 

I have a twelve year old daughter too, so I know from experience you have about fifty blessings right there. You're already out of fingers and toes on her alone.  
And you have a lot of friends here who are all pulling for you and your daughter. Maybe your blessings are going to start piling up. You're certainly due.

mudpuppy

PS. If bunny had a ticket to the U.K. I think she could straighten out your minister friend and counsellor pretty quick!

[mum]

Again, mudpup, very funny.  My daughter is also 12 (going on 28)...and I am lucky enough to have an older son as well.  No matter what, I am blessed to get to share this life with them.... and some of my worst times have gotten better because I needed to be a good mom...blessings again.

On another subject: we all need a Bunny!  

Bunny: I think you could take on all our ex N's and line 'em right up!  I think "Bunny-like" when I respond to my ex and I feel stronger.  Thanks for your wisdom and no-frills approach, it's inspiring.

[mum]

Ok, someone less Luddite like needs to tell me how a little face got on my last post....what did I hit?  When I want to use those guys they don't show up (ok, I don't know how) and then they show up all on their own?

[Brigid]

My therapist told me that Nism is quite prevalent in the gay community and not unusual with ministers.  I would say to find a new minister to lean on if you can.  Even if he does become available, it doesn't sound like he will offer much comfort.  

I hope you can find someone who can stick with you through this painful time.  It is difficult to have to keep reexplaining your situation and going back to the starting point.  A lot of wasted therapy time.  

Lots of great ideas of things to do with your daughter.  Mine is 16 now, but at 12 she really loved to do art projects and still loves to play games of all kinds.  Whenever I feel really down, I call my son at college to get a fix of what is going on in his life so I can be reminded of the one true blessing my husband left me with (well, actually two, but you know what I mean).

You sound like you are making the best of a very difficult situation and you can be proud of your efforts.  You will never regret it.

God bless.

Brigid

[bunny]

Thanks guys. I would take on these fools. They're weak enough for me.

bunny

[mudpup]

mum,

Ok, someone less Luddite like needs to tell me how a little face got on my last post....what did I hit?

I thought you did that on purpose because your daughter is twenty and cool. That sounds better than your explanation anyway, so lets just say you meant to do it.

mudpup

[Anonymous]

Hi:

Mum wrote:  

Again, mudpup, very funny.

I fully agree!

and:  

Ok, someone less Luddite like needs to tell me how a little face got on my last post....what did I hit?

Maybe you hit him with your toe, like I keep doing??  

and Bunny:  

Thanks guys. I would take on these fools. They're weak enough for me.

I'm sending mine right over!!  Thanks a bunch!!  

Mudpuppy:  

I thought you did that on purpose because your daughter is twenty and cool.

So did I!  Maybe it wasn't your toe, Mum??

(place curser where you want the smiley, click on the chosen smiley, and....voila!! )

And finally, per Brigid to October:  

You sound like you are making the best of a very difficult situation and you can be proud of your efforts. You will never regret it.

God bless

That deserves repeating.  Keep sipping that water!  As a matter of fact, I'm serious.  Sipping water is supposed to help us in stressful situations by helping to keep our brains hydrated and working in the best possible order, considering the circumstances.  Never mind our lovely complexions!!

GFN

[Anonymous]

Hi guys,

somebody wrote,

Again, mudpup, very funny

.
 
I hope no one thinks I'm being flippant or making light of what we have all been through. Its just that sometmes the ridiculousness of the human condition can't be faced with anything but a big horse laugh. I think its a defense mechanism. I hope I haven't hurt anyones feelings, especially October's. Anyway I don't want to forget how or why October started this thread or what she is going through. I hope all of us who pray will say a prayer for her tonight and those of us who don't will do whatever it is we do to give hope to others. God bless you October, and here's to some better days. Now go play with your daughter.

Mudpuppy