Sticking up for yourself vs lashing out

[mum]

Bloopsy, you might not feel good until you feel good, and that might not happen too soon if the people (as in your sponsor) around you are judgemental.
If they won't give you some compassion, how are you going to find that for yourself?  You're allowed not to know it all/have it all figured out.  We all are, because no one ever does.  I don't know what a sponsor is suppose to do, but even saying you are "dramatic" has a judgement to it.
I'm dramatic too!   Maybe say "thank you" next time?
 ((((((bloopsy)))))))

[vunil]

My sponsor said herself that she has had an easy life, besides the drinking

Seems like a strangely odd and out of touch thing to say, or maybe she is just not that emotional/expressive.  Maybe she is very private.  Either way, she may not be a match for you.

How do you feel around her?  Comforted, supported, like somebody is on your side?  Because if you don't feel that way then I agree with Bunny that having a sponsor doesn't really buy you anything. The 12-step program may be enough, and you can interpret it however you need to as you go through it, without the interpretation of someone else.

[Anonymous]

Hi Bloopsy and everyone:

I've just recently come back after being away for a week so I have a lot of catching up to do.

I just read through this entire thread and Bloopsy I just want to say that I don't think you are overly dramatic or a drama queen and I don't like what your sponsor said to you.....how you felt after hearing that.

And I really like mum's idea of how to respond by saying:  "Thank you".
Yes, I like it a lot because when someone is insensitive and insults you so clearly, you have every right to answer in a way to shut them up as quick as can be and I bet Mum's idea might be very effective, in that way.
Especially if you don't feel like confronting the person or don't feel strong enough to start standing up for yourself, at that moment, or if you think the person is out to lunch and won't hear anything you say anyway.

I don't think it is mean of you to let your feelings out or to tell Ed what you think and feel either.  I think he hurt you and you have every right to say so.

I really like that you said that you are going to go on being honest and not try to water down how you feel!!  That is a great attitude!  Who cares what anyone calls you?  Don't let their words get to you.

You are definately entitled to your feelings.  They are valid and being honest is a good thing.  I doubt very much that you are mean to anyone who isn't mean to you first.

GFN

[Anonymous]

Bloopsy,

Calling you dramatic rather than drama queen doesn't change my opinion. She doesn't know what she's doing. You don't need to be criticized by a sponsor. That's not her job at all.

bunny

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for my inner 13 year old Bloopsy Rose. She wants to say hi to you guys. She is in my abdomen and she is very sad. I am having a hard time helping her. She thinks that she is ugly and bad and she thinks that she deserves to be punished. She doesn't. She has many ways to punish herself and they include being around people who are emotionally unavailable. I feel so guilty. I didn't know that she was the one acting out and I was not mature enough to know that I have to be ther parent. We can't rely on anybody else to protect or love us. Every time she gets hurt she blames herself. I can't let her do that anymore. I pray for strength. God is here. My sponsor I think she just didn't understand but I will not let her misinterpret me again without sticking up for myself which means sticking up for Bloopsy Rose Firestorm Destiny and Little Princess.The first step is to say that it really happened and I have a strong instict that it happened with my mom's boyfriend too. I can't tell anyone but I told my therapist and she believed me. Bloopsy Rose said it is true and so did Destiny. Bloopsy Rose feels so ashamed and it was not her fault. Sometimes Firestorm feels like burning down the world Little Princess needs to be held and Destiny needs to dance and sing and do art and we all need to cry I am the parent I can't let my children go they are not at fault we are not to blame, please pray for me . Love Bridget

[mum]

How' s this: (and I am not kidding): Firestorm could write how everything makes her feel and then rip up that paper and burn it in a big pot outdoors while Destiny sings and dances around the fire, Little Princess gets held tight while you all go round and round, holding on, loving and laughing, and Bloopsy Rose can yell and not feel guilty and you can all cry together.
I burn things I write sometimes, giving up that energy to  whatever/whoever and it has helped me a lot. I cry sometimes when I do it as well.   If you do this, perhaps the parent will make sure everyone is safe. Maybe your therapist will help you to do this, or you could do this little ceremony in your head when you are alone.  I used to imagine cutting a large chain between me and my ex with a loud chainsaw....funny, but I always felt better after.

[longtire]

Yes, mum!  I did this with my hopes, expectations, dreams I had had for my marriage.  It really helped me to acknowledge all of it and how important it was to me and then let it go.  I kept no copies or records.  Everything on the page got burnt up.

Bridget, have you asked Rose what *exactly* she is sad and afraid about?  I realize that there is plenty there to be sad about.  But I've found when I do this with my inner family I always find out something new.

[vunil]

The first step is to say that it really happened and I have a strong instict that it happened with my mom's boyfriend too.

Sorry I don't remember, but what happened with your mom's boyfriend?  Are you ok with talking about it?  

Yes, listen to miss bloopsie and let her say whatever she wants.  I think she knows a lot...

[Anonymous]

Vunil, I don't think I wrote about Ivan and how he abused me sexually and emotionally but I remembered the emotional. Where Bloopsy Rose is there is a hole inside of my stomache and when it opend up it just feels like everything in the world is attacking me. She has a bloody and blackened body. She is the one who is helpless. I don't understand much right now.
Love,
Bridget

[vunil]

Vunil, I don't think I wrote about Ivan and how he abused me sexually and emotionally but I remembered the emotional. Where Bloopsy Rose is there is a hole inside of my stomache and when it opend up it just feels like everything in the world is attacking me. She has a bloody and blackened body. She is the one who is helpless. I don't understand much right now.
Love,
Bridget

I am so sorry little Bloopsy!  {{{{{Bloopsy}}}}}

Is there anything I can do to help bandage the wounds?  Would it help to talk about it? To have people commiserate?  To express the feelings?

If I could I would go back in time and rescue you.  What a terrible thing to have lived through.  What a terrible picture of pain you paint.

Many of us here have been through it-- maybe that will help it feel more safe?   We know it isn't your fault.  You know that too, right?

Poor Bloopsie may have been helpless then but she isn't now.  

In my mind right now I am [insert inappropriately violent behavior toward Ivan here].  On Bloopsie's behalf.

love,
Vunil

[Anonymous]

Hi Bloopsy/Rose/Bridget,

I second what Vunil wrote. I don't know how Rose would like to be helped, but we're here to support her, and the other children.

bunny

[longtire]

Bridget, I wish I knew what to do to help support you.  My heart goes out to you.  I can sense your pain each time you write.  If you know what we could do to help, let us know.  If not, then take as much time as you need.  You are always welcome here, if that helps.

[Anonymous]

Hi. It helps me so much to hear you guys supportive voices. It helps Bloopsy Rose she wants me to tell you she loves you.
Love Bridget
Spiritine
Firestorm
Little Princess Bee
Bloopsy Rose

[Portia]

Dearest Bridget, I just read a few pages back. I want to mention a few things from last week if that’s okay.

I was told all my life growing up that I was drama queen. It was cruel bullshit. Same for you. The people who say this are cruel and wrong.

I feel I am killing myself with cigarettes too. But right now I don’t care. I still like my cigarettes. They are always there. They don’t criticise me. They’re my friends. Cigarettes are my way of defending myself against other people. One day I might give them up. But not yet. That’s okay.

You have every right to make art. I wish so much that you would make art. Lots of art! If you made art about your life and let all your children take part…..it would be amazing.

You making art helps the suffering people. Making art is helpful. Him telling you that you have no right to make art (when people are suffering) is harmful. He is harming the world by being cruel to you. You are trying to help the world. He is wrong, you are right. Sometimes it is that simple.

I think you should spit on his pillow! It’s not a crime to spit on someone’s pillow. If you want to do it, go ahead. You’re allowed to spit on pillows. No-one gets hurt by a bit of spit!

Trust yourself.

Sorry if you’ve said this elsewhere B but have you ever been in hospital?
If yes, did it scare you?
If no, does the idea scare you?

Lots of love, P

[Anonymous]

going to spit on Ivans' pillow now!!!!!!!! yay!!!!! oops now I feel guilty for that!!!! but I will do it anyway and report back.
Portia,
I have been in the hospital and it was relaly scary!!!!!
also thank you for saying about the art. I had never thought about it in that way before. I knew there was something wrond with it in a deepdown level because I was like, how come art and all the music is so helpful and comforting to me but it is wrong for me to make art??? What??? It just feels like being stuffed back and not able to give anything ..
Here are some lyrics to a song that I love, just wanted to share them with you I don't know if they're quite right

These songs of freedom
is all I ever had
redemption songs
redemption songs

emancipate yourself from mental slavery
none but ourselves can free our minds
have no fear for atomic energy
cuz none of them can stop the time
how long shall they kill our prophets
while we stand aside and look
some say it's just a part of it
we got to fulfill the book

These songs of freedom
is all I ever had
redemption songs
redemption songs
by Bob Marley

All my kids want to contribute on a project for my sponsor in AA's birthday!! She has twinkly eyes and a jolly laugh.
I just spit on the pillow!!!! So nice to do that. Once for each of my inner children. What a ripoff!!!!!!!says Firestorm!!!
Love Bridget and the gang