Andrea said:
Since we HAVE FEELINGS, we forgive, try to forget, go back, placate these people cuz god forbid we upset their world.
When I was a child I watched & learned from my mother. She was so kind, so gentle-never wanted to rock the boat.
My father owned his own business. He kept mom at hom -"barefoot & pregnant" (10 kids). Dad always had a smile on his face, was always happily whistling a tune. He was handsome, funny, a real people person, and he loved kids. He was so active with us, playing games, taking us fishing,etc.
However, that was during the day. That was in public. The public didn't know what we knew.
Us kids would be awakened in the night by the sounds of a man's angry voice. When we got up my mon, trying to hide the tears, would be taping together a lamp or something. He never hit her, but he threw things and made her cry. My Dad, would be happy and cheerful, as he kissed us all good-bye for the day. Mom would make up excuses for what had happened.
I have memories of my dad calling my mom a whore-she was home always with a baby, there was no way on God's green Earth this would have even been possible. My dad however, would be out getting all sorts of attention from the ladies all day long. The benefits of having your own business, I guess. I would be so embarassed when he'd flirt in front of me.
I learned at a young age to keep my dad happy(and all future men possibly?)-I didn't want to get yelled at. I always blamed my mom when I was little. What was she doing to make my dad so mad? I'd pray "please mom, just be quiet and daddy will love you-don't make him mad".
Andrea wrote:
LOVE IS NOT A REWARD! I read somewhere that Love is a self-less GIFT.
longtire wrote:
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen this written as concisely as you did. I really do look at things that if I'm "good enough" maybe one day I will get the "prize" of being loved
I loved my dad. He was fun. I felt I understood him. I tried really hard to make him proud of me. I would never do anything wrong. I wanted his love.
I learned that being perfect, is of course, not possible. I have suffered from an anxiety disorder for years, a by-product of my quest for "perfect".
And today, who am I angry at?? My mother! For not teaching us girls to be strong. I still feel sorry for dad. Yes, I'd say he too was a N.
I did recognize in early adulthood that my parents relatioinship was not healthy. I swore I'd never be with a man who was like my dad. I gagged when I heard the comments "girls often marry someone like dad". Not me, I thought. I wouldn't even date guys who had dark hair (like dads). I ended up marrying an alcoholic, but hey, dad did not drink.
Well, when I met my N BF he owned his own business. He had dark hair, was fun and alwalys had a smile on his face. He loved kids and was a real people person. Talk about "going full circle"......
