Thank you all for responding, I already feel better.
V,
I just think it's easier for people outside the situation to see when the N is being ridiculous! That's why I like this board-- I can repeat something an N in my life said, and get back a lot of disbelief and "wow, that is amazing" and "don't let it bother you" and etc.
The big thing is the nonverbal part of what the non-Ns are saying to you
I think this is so true. I wish I could meet you all some day.
sometimes the simple looks from those that don't truley understand, lacks the healing I get from the board.
I try and picture what each of you must look like, trying to picture a human by the words they use is difficult. I guess looks are not important just funny how your mind tries to picture love and kindness and what it looks like in the human face and eyes.
Bunny, I am so spooked about an N, I see a good looking guy and I want to run the other way. I hear a comment that sounds N , I want to just get run so fast. I have learned alot about how to deal with them. Im learning about their weak areas and how to go for what makes them feel insecure so they will run away. I will gain some power over this and use it in my upcoming Divorce. Some of the other threads have some great insite on dealing with the N's.
How do you know the people who said this to you aren't N's?
Im surrounded with N's in my family. I get this type of comments from my family and hearing it now from my Hs family. They are helping me but may not fully understand. They want me to be confident and I don't always come across as such.
Long: I think this is a great answer. I will try and weave my comments in while making note, a very small note, what the N is saying. I like that.
This is something living with an N can eliminate from your life. Your my hero Long, thanks.
As for a better response? I believe that most people you encounter are more interested in what OR has to say. I know I am, though I do enjoy the dark humor of comments on "The Most N Thing Ever Said" thread.
Guest :I will take this in consideration, its a great point. My sister and his brother have both said this one several times. This one gets me sometimes, I feel like they look at me as insecure about myself.
I don't always feel like this about myself but when I hear it I start to think it.
I don't know sometimes how I feel but insecure is some one who could be mean because they are insecure. I'm not mean, not a bully, but always found myself sticking up for the underdog. Not afraid of the bully.
what you need is others standing behind you, either directly (as in an office bully situation) or emotionally. A lot of the time, the people who are encouraging you to "stand up to" someone are really stirring the pot, and instigating, and they get some kind of entertainment from watching other people fight. Watch out for these clowns, they are incredibly destructive, and most people don't recognize them.
My H just e-mailed me, I responded with "got your e-mail," and give me your attorneys name.
He is telling me to change my married name back to my maden name.
How he is a nice guy and everyone thinks so.
Im working on responding to the court papers. My SIL is helping me and she has a lawyer friend calling us back.
I was able to get past it somewhat by just dealing with the here and now. Is this real or isn't it? Limiting my email time and lack of opportunity time with N also helped. It just happens gradually over time the reality you are now living replaces the internalized brainwashing that has occurred
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