Ok Wish...now we have something in common.
My ex is an N also and we had the same trouble in the bedroom-big time. I'm a tall girl, maybe a little chubby, but have nice legs, I've got a great face, nice styled hair, always wear makeup, perfume, dress nice.
But my ex also never really wanted sex. He always said it may be my "weight" and if I lost it it may help. I lost 15 lbs in 3 weeks. Things didn't change. He would threaten me and tell me how all these other girls wanted him and I needed to hurry up!
Sex was a "reward" for me. If I was being a "good girl" we would do it. But I had to get on top. I was never allowed to initiate sex. And he never was able to finish, but told me that every other girl he was with he could. (He ended up masturbating, or would masturbate alone.)
He never kissed me, hugged me, barely touched my body ever. I felt like a fat freak. I did the same thing, stood in the bathroom and said, "you fat-ass! Lose weight and then he'll LOVE you."
He started getting violent with me during sex. I started to think I deserved it. He would bite me, hit me, slap me, and I think now it was out of sexual frustration, but either point, he HURT ME.
I finally reported him to the police, but he told them I liked rough sex, we always did that, and he's "Not violent" and not a "Big drinker". yeah, right. I started drinking more from the situation then.
My self-esteem was shot, still is. I feel A-sexual now. Like I don't want ANYONE touching me or kissing me. I'm scared to get involved with a man. He took my self-confidence away about sex. (And I never had complaints before with men!)
We never had foreplay. He always had to be drunk. Then he started getting stupid and wanted me to have 3-somes and maybe that would help? Or have sex with his friend? Or have people watch us? He always wanted to up the ante. It was bullcrap.
Now that he's gone I have gone out with my girlfriends. I've met several guys and they ASKED me for my phone number. I'm remembering who I was and that I'm not some awful looking girl. (i'm not ready to date, but it's a compliment)
Oh, and by the way, I saw some of his ex-girlfirends. NONE of them are very cute. They're all messed up, cokeheads, drunks, strippers...but that's what gets him off I guess. And I have a good job, morals, never been married and no kids...I guess I'm not enough of a loser to "excite" him.
But hey, It's not my tree to sit in anymore, but the sucker's going down.
