Ruining Holidays

[seul]

I'm an individual with narcissistic tendencies and I almost always find a way to sabotage holidays. I will find a way to spoil it for my wife and kids
by witholding generosity, being poorly organized almost any excuse. I act
in a passive-agressive manner and cause a lot of hurt. Afterwards, I'm
terrible at making up for my screw-ups. Can you help me break the pattern? Can you give me advice on how to be there for my loved ones so
they feel special on holidays and not forgotten? Solo

[Tokyojim]

You need to stop thinking about what you should not do and focus on what you should do.  Read my post about Enneagram.  It has wonderful suggestions about people with NP tendencies and what to do.  It is non-judgmental and focuses on healthy ways to act and think.  It finally says that such a person can find love only by loving others.  Through loving others, they can see that they are worthy of receiving love.  This will redeem them.  

For now, try to eliminate "I" and "me" from almost everything you do.  Make it a habit.  Do not think about how your improved behaviors will make you feel better or what you can get out of it.  Rather, keep focusing on how others will be happier.  It CAN become a habit!

[write]

there's a support forum for narcissists at http://frost.bbboy.net/healnpd where you can talk to other narcissists who are trying to modify their behaviours.

Are you taking anti-depressants? Many narcissists need them.

Have you done any therapy? My ex is seeing a psychiatrist and is changing so much.

Holidays are difficult at the best of times: big expectations, spending of the hard-earned, break of routine, and major potential for irritation and disappointment.

They work better for us if we pre-plan and work out how to meet everyone's needs, also we budget carefully so it's not money 'wasted' we can't afford if it doesn't work out.

[justme]

passive aggressive is more the way of an enneagram 9
hmmm maybe u could be type 6
tho because type 6 moves to type 3 which i take
as the classic narcissist
6s move tend to move to 3 narcisstic ways
when they are under pressure
9s also tend to move to 3 narcisstic ways
but when they are feeling a surge of power
on holidays
for some reason
you get some kind of power surge
as a 9 which opens up some form of 3 narcisstic ways

i would be curious what seul or others think
which type seul is