Rain in the desert, is that possible?

[Anonymous]

Desert,

What if the therapist is like daylily?

bunny

[Desert Rain]

Bunny,

Then that would be just what I need.

D.R.

[Desert Rain]

Oh, by the way...I won't be around for a couple of days.  But, I hope to keep in touch in about a week.

Have a great week everyone!

Desert Rain

[mum]

Desert rain: so when you get back, let me tell you that I just now caught up with your post.  Believe it or not, I avoided it because I am stuck in the stinking desert and just the thought of anything nice like rain (which is very nice to have in the desert here) associated with the word desert made me feel funny, not good funny, but "put the blinders on" funny.'

The thing about not responding right away to a post is that by the time you catch up with it, all the very articulate and caring people here have already weighed in with marvelous advice and helpful energy.  But since we can never get enough good stuff: let me say ditto to just about everyone's post. You are clearly a worthy person, and you will find a way in your seemingly impossible schedule/life to get the money, time, and references to a great therapist..... and you will heal.

Bless you.....(((((Butterfly))))))

[Anonymous]

The thing about not responding right away to a post is that by the time you catch up with it, all the very articulate and caring people here have already weighed in with marvelous advice and helpful energy.

Except you, Mum.

But since we can never get enough good stuff: let me say ditto to just about everyone's post. You are clearly a worthy person, and you will find a way in your seemingly impossible schedule/life to get the money, time, and references to a great therapist..... and you will heal.

Very articulately and caringly put, with helpful energy too!  The ditto part includes the marvelous advice!!

Keep taking those baby steps, Desert Rain!!  You'll get there!!!

GFN

[Desert Rain]

A big hello to everyone

I haven't much time to do anything else besides studying and taking my final exams.     Three down and two more to go.

Mum and GFN, thanx for your words of encouragement.  They are like drops of needed rain in this otherwise dry and hot desert.

Just wanted to say "hi" and hope everyone is having a good day.

Desert Rain

[desert rat]

Personal experience of 40 years in the desert, appocalypse, all those sevens(chakras) all those fours (mandalas), Trials of Job, dark night of the soul. what do you think they are talking about? It is not just for the chosen few but right in front of you you lucky girl. It is death, it is rebirth,it is the the opportunity to die over and over again, it is your privelege, it is your birthright,it is the muck, it is real, it is the subtext of society, religion, spirit, breakfast, luch, and dinner,mud and metaphor.
 Beyond the stastistics of labels, "depression","chemical imbalance","therapy", comes your very unique experience of being a human who knows herself. The ups come with the downs, expect it all, recognize all your parts, remember, whatever you are experiencing is only a part of you, the "you" that emerges at the end will be thicker, richer, with honey in the heart, more than you can imagine from the middle of the desert. always trust there is a future perfect you who is waiting for you with loving open arms. This is your perfect gift to yourself, remember to savor your path, your pain, your feelings, remember in the darkest hours,you can surround even that with love. There is something wonderful coming it is calling to you, and it is your pillar of flame in the desert. The desert is the place to drop all the baggage all that is not "you", to learn trust, surrender, grace not as words or symbols but as intimate direct experiences of your SELF. Love it, eat it, bless it , it (whatever it is) is your gift, you are your own bliss.

[FlowerGirl]

Desert Rain -

This thread brings tears to my eyes... I feel like I was standing alot closer to where you are now - but a few months ago. I promise, alot can change in a short time...

The reason I feel compelled to write is one of your last posts - you said you had a heavy courseload. I remember when I was in grad school a few years ago, I too thought "I have too much going on to deal with this now."  And in some ways, that was true.

However - I actually found later, when I started therapy and was working v. hard at the time, that the therapy lifted a weight from my life and made it easier to work harder. Sure, I cried a little more sometimes, but they were healing tears - not tears of pain and anger in the same way. So, I encourage you to try to find an hour in your week - these days I look forward to that time more than anything else in my week.

Secondly, I  think it may be prudent to look into your university's medical plan. Obviously, I dont know your circumstances, but many universities now offer rather extensive mental health services at almost no cost. They are very concerned about the student's mental health (because suicides and drugs are a bad thing for colleges), and can be extremely generous in their funding (more than most employers).  

Just my two cents... I really wish I signed up when I was in school. I can't imagine how different the last few years would have been....

--FlowerGirl

[mum]

Holy cow...."Desert Rat"
THAT post was unbelievable.  You are ON with that.
THANK YOU. You have put all the books, teachings and healings I have been experiencing lately into one big, juicy paragraph!!!!
WOW.  

And your moniker: Hmmmmm, not nearly as appealing as your post!
I thought I had some of you living under my shed: turns out to be grey squirrels....not much better I'm afraid. (on the search for humane traps now)

All silliness aside: Thanks again for such consise, rich writing!!

[Desert Rain]

Desert Rat,

The name that you chose to be identified by is definitely unique, some would even say peculiar (not in anyway negative though).  I would be interested to know why you chose that name.  Just out of curosity.

I had to reread your posting several times before I can grasp the meaning behind your words, since it was loaded with many thoughts.  I can't say I grasp the full extent of your message though.  Maybe I'm just slow or maybe I'm brain drained from taking my finals this week.  I hardly have any brain cells left.  Don't mind me, I'm just being ridiculous.

Anyway,  I'm not sure what you mean by, "it is not just for the chosen few but right in front of you you lucky girl.  Do you think I'm lucky b/c I'm aware of my problem to a certain extent?  Is that what you meant by being lucky?  I sense a lot of optimism in your words.   I get the impression that what you want to say to me is that what I'm going thru at this point in my life is part of and necessary for my growth as an individual.  In other words, this desert is part of the journey I must travel.  In my case, I've been wandering in this desert for so long that it is literally draining my spirit.  I feel tired, frustrated, and sometimes stuck and in despair.  I'm trying to seek out a roadmap, but haven't come up with any luck.  Without a roadmap, I could end up wandering in this desert for the rest of my life.  How sad is that?

I hope you will reply as I really want to know more about what you wrote.  Please don't leave me hanging.  

Desert Rain

[desert rat]

Dearest One,

     Picture a time in your life when you were much younger, small alone and hurt. Imagine that you can put your arms around that child  and surround her with love and safety and and everything that she needs. Sit there with her sooth her, let her sobs subside until she feels safe and she smiles and runs off to play.

      Now imagine,the You of the future, who knows why you are in this desert. The future perfect you that had to complete her self without knowing why or how. There she is in all of her brilliance and beauty, so whole and so complete. In fact  time is a mere plaything to her and she knows that she already exists inside of you, and she is constantly with you. Ready for you. when things are bleakest andwhen things are wonderful. The good, the bad, all of your experiences are surrounded by her love because they are part of her completion.

      Desert Rain this has helped me, find my way back to source in some of my driest droughts I hope it  helps. Congratulations on the great courage it took to take exams in the middle of this heaviness. I'm sure your future perfect self is beaming with pride.

          p.s A desert rat is a term used for eccentrics who live in the desert. They claim to be prospecting for gold but really they just love the desert.

[Anonymous]

The Desert Rats were also the British army in North Africa in WWll.
Gave the Nazis their first defeat.

[Desert Rain]

I reckon desert rats are eccentric creatures.  You either love them or hate them.  And they don't give a rat's ass whether you do or you don't.  Hmmm, I think I could learn a lot from a desert rat.

Anyway, your imagery is very visual and tangible.  I can almost see and feel that little girl.  On the otherhand, the image of the little girl all grown up encapsulating her fullest is still a distant image standing somewhere in the hazy mist.  Nevertheless, I know she's there.

Thanks for the insight.

Desert Rain

[Layla as Guest]

Desert Rain,

I think I can understand the burden you are experiencing of being in a bind in terms of studies, finance,and time with looking for a therapist.  Circumstances in life can get so overwhelming sometimes.  Hang in there, desert rain, things will get better.

You've mentioned the challenge of finding a therapist in the midst of a seemingly impossible demanding courseload and lack of time.  I don't know the full extent of your circumstances, but I will say that this desert you feel you are in is within your control.  Though it seems very tangible to you, it is as real as you make it.  That's how much power, control, and influence you have over it.

IMO, we are our own best therapist.  What do you think?  Sure a good therapist is there to listen to us and there to provide us some guidance.  But, perhaps you can learn to do this for yourself.  What if there's a way to learn to listen to yourself, I mean deeply listen to yourself.  Perhaps, when you reach that level of being so intuned to yourself, then you can start to provide answers for yourself that noone else can.  I think we are more stronger than we realize.  Desert Rain, you are strong.  Believing is seeing and seeing is believing.  Even if you don't believe that at this point in your life, you can condition yourself to believe that.

Layla

[mum]

Desert Rat:  the definition you provided as to your name: good for you, to love the desert.  I love it too, but it is not my home, and not where I wish to be.  However, after 22 years in this "stinkin desert", as I lovingly call it, I have learned my hardest lessons in life.  Hardest=most important and life changing. Like childbirth, which I also was blessed with while in this arid land.  Blessings abound in struggle.  Embracing the pain, sitting still with it...taking what I can from it....all here in the desert.

I'm ready to go home to the green hills of New England, now...but there must be more to learn here.  Oh well.  Bring it on.  It's all lovely learning by my own design, anyway.