Hey, Anna:
my daughter loses her assertiveness with her dad, and she knows it. She vents to me (lots of good it does, legally....but I digress).. and she even laughs at his antics and that makes her feel better about things. She imagines what she MIGHT say to him or her step mom, if they push her on a subject, and I think it's good practice. It helps her feel understood, at least with me, and prepares her in a way, for what I think might some day be a showdown with them (and her).
I have watched her with friends her whole life, and she never takes crap from anyone. I used to worry that she wasn't compliant enough, and that it would cause her problems....but I see this is who she is, and with an N dad, it serves her well. She is never cruel, she is actually very kind, but she will not take less than respectful behavoir...from anyone.... but her dad (but I feel those days are numbered).
Yesterday, my rather N friend followed me into my bedroom, where I had hoped to talk to my daughter privately, and proceeded to lay down on the bed next to my daughter, take her cell phone and start asking her about it. My D is almost 13, so you can imagine how "warm and fuzzy" this intrusion made her feel. She smiled politely, got up, took her cell phone and went to another room. My "friend" stormed out saying "that kids HATES me!....god forbid I should touch her stuff...she just hates me!"
I told her not to take it personally, as my D is a teenager, and friend is an adult....she said "but I'm not just ANY adult! I've known her since she was small" (you can laugh at that one.... so very N) and I told her I've known my D her whole life....so get a grip! I then chose to decline my Nfriends offer to go somewhere with her and she said "oh, well we wouldn't want to piss her (D) off anymore". Pretty transparent what the Nfriend was up to (very insecure.....threatened by my child, didn't get HER way, etc)...
Anyway, I had to think about all this for a while. AT what point do I "make" my child be nice to adults and at what point do I let her have her relationship with them as she sees fit? Clearly, my friend wanted my to "fix" my daughter to "fake" liking her, but since friends' behavoir is pretty N most of the time......maybe my D knows best?!
So I know this isn't about laughter, or humor, but what the hey, I started this , so I think I'll branch out.
Along the lines of : children being "polite" and children accepting abuse and children finding their voice:
Any thoughts?
