Author Topic: Laughing at Nidiots  (Read 3066 times)

d'smom

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Laughing at Nidiots
« Reply #15 on: April 25, 2005, 11:10:21 PM »
Quote from: Stormchild
Ice cream up a bully's nose? Love it.


im glad :} > i think the growling -definitely- might top it tho!
delphine (daughter) liked the ice cream thing so much she wrote a song about it. :) next time i see her we'll have to growl together..>>  :twisted:

you know what else i do... i try so hard to be a good mom! i actually have her rehearse with me every month or two how to say

NO!!!!

we call it our 'safety quiz' - weve done it since she was very small. i want her to feel 100% comfortable looking someone in the eye (pushy boyfriend, salesperson, bpd friend, even me!) and saying with perfect politeness and total conviction  NO THANK YOU!!!! I DONT LIKE THAT!!!!! i want her to be STRONG.

i notice since shes been with my parents her ability to take an assertive tone has really eroded. its been noticeable.

take care stormy  8)

mum as guest

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Laughing at Nidiots
« Reply #16 on: April 26, 2005, 11:41:09 PM »
Hey, Anna:
my daughter loses her assertiveness with her dad, and she knows it.  She vents to me (lots of good it does, legally....but I digress).. and she even laughs at his antics and that makes her feel better about things.  She imagines what she MIGHT say to him or her step mom, if they push her on a subject, and I think it's good practice.  It helps her feel understood, at least with me, and prepares her in a way, for what I think might some day be a showdown with them (and her).

I have watched her with friends her whole life, and she never takes crap from anyone.  I used to worry that she wasn't compliant enough, and that  it would cause her problems....but I see this is who she is, and with an N dad, it serves her well.  She is never cruel, she is actually very kind, but she will not take less than respectful behavoir...from anyone.... but her dad (but I feel those days are numbered).

Yesterday, my rather N friend followed me into my bedroom, where I had hoped to talk to my daughter privately, and proceeded to lay down on the bed next to my daughter, take her cell phone and start asking her about it.  My D is almost 13, so you can imagine how "warm and fuzzy" this intrusion made her feel. She smiled politely, got up, took her cell phone and went to another room.  My "friend" stormed out saying "that kids HATES me!....god forbid I should touch her stuff...she just hates me!"
I told her not to take it personally, as my D is a teenager, and friend is an adult....she said "but I'm not just ANY adult! I've known her since she was small" (you can laugh at that one.... so very N) and I told her I've known my D her whole life....so get a grip!  I then chose to decline my Nfriends offer to go somewhere with her and she said "oh, well we wouldn't want to piss her (D) off anymore".  Pretty transparent what the Nfriend was up to (very insecure.....threatened by my child, didn't get HER way, etc)...

Anyway, I had to think about all this for a while.  AT what point do I "make" my child be nice to adults and at what point do I let her have her relationship with them as she sees fit?  Clearly, my friend wanted my to "fix" my daughter to "fake" liking her, but since friends' behavoir is pretty  N most of the time......maybe my D knows best?!

So I know this isn't about laughter, or humor, but what the hey, I started this , so I think I'll branch out.

Along the lines of : children being "polite" and children accepting abuse and children finding their voice:
Any thoughts?

dogbit

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Laughing at Nidiots
« Reply #17 on: April 27, 2005, 08:05:06 AM »
I'm sorry....I'm confused....which one is the child here?  I think your daughter's actions were perfectly appropriate.  I think just adding words is the only appropriateness that might be suggested.  For example,  saying "excuse me" and then leaving the room.  And not adding any little polite lies like, "I'm tired right now"...Well, maybe you could.  But that seems to me to be the slippery slope to always being nice-nice (one of my horrors I inflicted on myself!  :D )