Things people say/do

[miaxo]

What are some of the most memorable things people have said or done to you over the years? Can be good or bad.

For me:

Most inappropriate statement:
During the initial stages of my divorce from X N (I was pregnant with our 2nd child...about 8 months along) he phoned me trying to convince me to agree to a lesser amount of CS/Alimony  to which I declined.  At the end of the conversation he offered the following service: "I wanted to let you know that I will be there for you after you have the C-section.  If you need me to help you in and out of the shower and help you get washed I would be more than willing to help you out with that."  
I was dumbfounded on the other end of the phone.  He wasn't joking.  
He thought this was *normal*.  I remember telling my family and they couldn't stop laughing about it.

Most hurtful comment:
During a walk with two of my female neighbors (again, going through my divorce and prego) my one neighbor said: "OMG how are you going to feel when you are in the delivery room and you have no husband there with you? That's going to be so awful. What are you going to be thinking?"

Most helpful comment:
During the same walk mentioned above my other neighbor responded for me by immediately replying, "She and everyone else will be thinking what a loser he is and that she is better off without him." I always liked that neighbor better.

One of the nicest gestures:
My SIL sent me flowers, balloons, and cookies on Valentine's Day (during the divorce)  This was most unexpected and so appreciated.

So, what about you?  What memories do you have?

Mia

[Anonymous]

Mia,

Your neighbor who asked you that idiotic question really lacks social skills. What was she thinking?! I hardly remember what anyone says. I don't take what people say at face value most of the time. Usually I'm looking at the subtext.

bunny

[Lara]

Dear Robin,
I'm so sorry for the terrible hurt that that awful remark must have caused you. Some comments really do seem unforgiveable.

Much love,
Lara.

[Brigid]

In the recent past, the most memorable good thing was said to me by my therapist when I indicated that I might have to cut back on our appointments once the divorce was final and I was on my own.  He looked me in the eye and said, "you are not only my patient, but also now my friend.  We have become kindred spirits during this process and if I have to treat you for free, I will see you through this until the end and your life is back on a positive track."

I cried for some time after he said that and have felt that he was one of the few people in my life who has "loved" me unconditionally.  

Just in case anyone has concerns about this, there has never been anything inappropriate between us.  He is happily married and an Episcopal priest (however, if he was available, I would marry him in a heartbeat    as he is one of the kindest and gentlest men I have ever known).

Brigid

[Stormchild Guesting]

In the recent past, the most memorable good thing was said to me by my therapist when I indicated that I might have to cut back on our appointments once the divorce was final and I was on my own.  He looked me in the eye and said, "you are not only my patient, but also now my friend.  We have become kindred spirits during this process and if I have to treat you for free, I will see you through this until the end and your life is back on a positive track."

I cried for some time after he said that and have felt that he was one of the few people in my life who has "loved" me unconditionally.  

Just in case anyone has concerns about this, there has never been anything inappropriate between us.  He is happily married and an Episcopal priest (however, if he was available, I would marry him in a heartbeat    as he is one of the kindest and gentlest men I have ever known).

Brigid

Oh Brigid, how lovely. The therapist I was seeing when my mother died and I got into all that legal mess with the estate told me the same thing, and since I was spending half my income for legal bills she INSISTED on carrying me on the house for several months.

As soon as I got things settled, I wrote her a huge check. When I handed it to her we both cried, because it turned out that right then, without my knowing it, she needed that money. In exactly that amount.

[Anonymous]

Within a week of finally making the decision and telling my exNH that I was leaving, I received a phone call from NH's first wife (a relative stranger to me) offering to have me move in with her as she "knows what it's like trying to leave him."  I didn't, but she said to call or knock on her door any time of day or night if I needed to run away quickly.  

Also got an email from one of his estranged adult daughters offering any support she could, because "nobody but us knows what it's like to actually live with him."

Both of them helped me enormously with my separation as they DID know what he was like and I didn't have to convince them.  Have you noticed that even dear friends and family tend to look wonderingly at you when you try to make them understand what it is like living with an N?  

And I did leave. 2 years ago.  And both his ex-wife and his daughter are still very much in my life.  I am so grateful that they were so generous and understanding.

Gingerpeach