Does someone know of a good sexual abuse support site?

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else question themselves as i do, is it me, or is it them thats causing this??

I have to agree with Bunny, David sounds like a very messed up individual.  I believe your feeling like you are at times "going mad" is coming from having contact with him.  I now live in Belgium, where the weather is lousy but the health care system I have found to be very good.  There was a time when I felt like I was "going crazy" and I had a few appointments with a psychiatrist.  Now I knew in my mind that I was not crazy, but others tried to make me out like I was the crazy one.  I had the same question as you, is it me or is it them?  I questioned myself over and over.  It sounds like David is trying to make you out to be the crazy one, but from what information the two of you have expressed here it seems that you were managing pretty well despite your past until you and David hooked up.  If you are around a person that is really messed up it can cause you to feel messed up in the head yourself.

Do you really feel like it is beneficial for you to continue to have contact with him?  It seems like contact with him is like being on a roller coaster.  There are the highs and the lows.  Are the highs really worth the lows?  Personally I had to decide for myself that the costs outweighed the benefits in a few of my relationships and I had to sever ties.  Yes there were benefits that I lost, but in the end it was much better for me and allowed me to have a more stable life.  These are just things for you to consider.

LM

[Guest2]

Hi Denise,
I know you said weekends are bad for you.  I'm just checking in to see how you are doing.   I haven't seen you post in a couple days.   Big hugs from out here in anti-N-land!
Guest2

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, just letting u all know the latest, last weekend i went out with David,(hes not all bad, he can b good at times, although very naughty other times) just as friends went to rhyl 4 the day lunch out, all in all it wasnt a bad weekend.
I must say 1 thing sice i have stopped taking those reboxetine tablets i feel a lot better in myself,i was very sickly and had terrible cramps and headaches, i just put it down to withdrawal, i went to c my psychiatrist the other day, hes a bit of an idiot, imo, i asked about these suicidal feelings agrophobia etc and said i thought it was the tablets that were making me worse, his answer was, the manufacturers will disagree although they have had patients that have been through the exact same thing with the same feelings, he has prescribed new 1s which i havent got yet, citrolpram i think they r called, i havent had any 4 nearly 3 weeks now so maybe i wont bother or maybe just try the low dosage 4 now, i still feel like i cant venture out on my own but maybe in time, its just 1 step at a time, still no therapist though i am on the high priority list he says.
I had a bit of bad news this week as a lady i look after and have done 4 yrs, died, i was very sad as she has been suffering the last few months, although i was and am very upset about it, i have dealt with it a lot better than i have in the past when people close to me have died, at least she isnt suffering now, am just sorry i didnt get chance to say goodbye
Anyway 4 now i am feeling positive, but i know from seeing my old therapist, i can go up and down, lets hope up lasts a bit longer.
David is giving me some money again which is nice, i dont have debts and theres always food in but never money left 4 anything else, so its nice 2 b able to buy some bits and pieces and not have 2 worry after all retail therapy is the best kind, i say as i smile to myself.
I hope everyone is well, thanku 4 the msges off the new peopleand old 1s, it means a lot 2 me knowing people care.
Mati and October i hope u r well as i have not heard from u 2 in a while


(((((((((hugs 4 everyone)))))))))

[Denise]

I always 4get to sign in reply on previous page

[Anonymous]

Hi Denise:

Glad to hear things are going better for you!

Wonderful news!!

GFN

[Denise]

Thanks GFN  

[Anonymous]

Hi again Denise:

You're very welcome!

And I forgot to say......have a great week end!!

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!

((((Denise))))

GFN

[October]

Mati and October i hope u r well as i have not heard from u 2 in a while

Hiya D, glad things are a bit more stable for you; that is really good news.  

I am sorry you lost your friend, but I don't think it is too late to say goodbye to her; choose your own time and place for this, and say whatever you need to, whether in words or in a letter.  

Good luck with the weekend.

[Denise]

Last night i went out with my eldest daughter 4 a drink, the 1st time in a long time, i felt sick all day thinking about it, but pushed myself, of course it was 2 much all at once, i did not enjoy it 1 little bit i felt very anxious, although it was nice having a good chat with my daughter, everything else i hated, we came home she stayed over, i went to bed and just cried, i was awake till 5 this morning, i feel very down again, and ive cried all day, i obviously still do need medication to lift my mood.
And i want to say thanks 2 my friend whose was very attentive all week, but as soon as the weekend came, i get shut off and ignored, i am sick of people being false, a few of my friends said they would come out with me this weekend, no1 did, so now i am going to shut myself off from people again, if u cant b genuine and sincere, dont bother to pretend, cos its just putting me back down.      

[October]

although it was nice having a good chat with my daughter, everything else i hated,

Hiya D.  I agree, it is likely that you need medication at present to help you a little.  However, I don't agree that going out with your daughter was quite as bad as you feel.  You paid a very high price for going out, I can see, but you still did it.  That is a real achievement.  You say it was nice having a chat with her; surely that is worth a great deal?  And it will get easier next time.  So well done you!!!!!  Honestly, I mean it, you have made a real step forward in achieving this.

Friends can't always be there when we need them to be.  That is true of my life as well as yours.  It is really difficult when you are a giving person, to find that at the moment of need everyone seems to run for the hills, at a point where you are sure you would have stuck around.  But maybe we wouldn't have stuck around either, if we are honest.  I couldn't say that I have always put other people before myself, or considered what they need with quite the degree of interest I have in my own life.  It is a shame, but that is life.  But your daughter was there for you, and she stayed over with you.  With a daughter like that, who needs to worry about friends; you can see them another time.  But she sounds like a real treasure.    (((hugs)))

[Denise]

I think maybe i still need the medication i am supposed to b starting a new 1 this week, my daughters not always about although shes a good girl, shes got a new boyfriend so spends most of her spare time with him, even my best friend said she would come out 4 a couple of hours and she never, i feel really let down. And i have been told, if i start taking the antidepressants again, the extra money i have been offered will stop, its either pills 2 keep me sane or money to help with the extras, but there again if i lose it again i wont need the money will i?! Although my mood has been lighter this week, i am still down inside, but ive tried hard 2 keep smiling, i think as the week has gone on the anxiety has built up an up, and now i need a release.amazing how i few little things like ignorance and pretense can change everything back round, i am sick of it and sick of people saying 1 thing and doing another  

[Denise]

Ive never asked any of my friends 4 anything b4, and when i do ask 4 1 little thing i get a kick in the teeth, ive been told am only a phonecall away i b there 4 u, i was even asked if i wanted a meal 2nite, that fleeting thought was soon 4gotton, theres my wkend and myself messed up yet again.
Am not looking 4 pity i just feel really let down, but who cares its only Denise after all she will cope

[October]

Ive never asked any of my friends 4 anything b4, and when i do ask 4 1 little thing i get a kick in the teeth, ive been told am only a phonecall away i b there 4 u, i was even asked if i wanted a meal 2nite, that fleeting thought was soon 4gotton, theres my wkend and myself messed up yet again.
Am not looking 4 pity i just feel really let down, but who cares its only Denise after all she will cope

Plenty of us care about you, Denise.  But friends can't always be there when we need them to be.  I am sorry, but we have to take what they are able to give, and be grateful, rather than always notice what is not there.  A friend forgetting to turn up for a couple of hours with you is not the same thing as a kick in the teeth, though.  It might feel like it, but it is not.  Friends forget; we all forget sometimes.  

Same with your daughter.  It is absolutely right that she should have a life of her own, and a boyfriend and her own interests.  Given that, she is a wonderful daughter to have spent so much time with you over the weekend.  But it is not enough, is it?

The only person that can be there, 100% of the time, for you, is you.  I am sorry, and this is really hard to get to grips with, I know, but you cannot rely on other people to keep you going.  It has to come from the inside, and that is such a difficult thing to do.  I am not sure I even know how to do it myself, but I am sure this is the only thing that will work, in the end.  Then we can take visits from friends and relations as a wonderful, welcome, bonus rather than straws to clutch at in despair.

Thinking of you, Denise.

[mum]

but who cares its only Denise after all she will cope

Denise has to care, Denise.  That's all that really matters. Please don't feel distressed by this, instead it is the one thing that keeps us whole.  Denise matters.  YOU matter. You decide for yourself to be happy or unhappy.  It's not up to them, whether they are around or not.  Please don't give them your power any more.

October is right, Denise.  Happiness comes from the inside. Many people are lonely, even when surrounded by people all the time.  If people are in your life only to keep you from being with yourself.....well, there's the core of it, huh?  (((((((Denise))))))))

I sometimes get upset if someone I need to talk to isn't available for me.  Usually after a while I realize I am alone because it just worked out that way, and I better be there for myself.  Others, not even the ones who love us best, can take care of us in this way.  It is something we must learn alone.  To be comfortable with ourselves.

How is the path toward therapy going, Denise?  

Are you drinking alcohol when you go out?  I have found alcohol to be a real pain....it kept me from reality, even in moderation, because even when I'm not drinking, if the people I am around are even a little drunk, letting them decide if I will be happy or not isn't a really good idea.  Well, letting others decide our mood never is, but I have found that putting stock in anything someone drunk has to say is not a great idea.

Please take this with love....I would not coddle you with messages without true feeling, because I believe you are a capable person, able to heal. You are not your life situation.  YOU are capable.

[Anonymous]

How are ya doing Denise?

Are you still reading?

GFN