Hello Lobo:
My own personal reponse was to create an illusionary self that couldn't be touched, however it took so much energy to maintain that balloon I finally ran out of rage and anger (the steam that kept the engine running).
Was this like an out of body experience or a split in personality? Are you saying you had an angry, untouchable self only, or was it in addition to your regular self?
The wolf stands for a cold, hidden resentment.
It results from a child being starved or deprived of love psychologically or physically.
Most people who had a very unhappy childhood (everyone?) have something like this at the bottom of their souls. It almost never comes up, it is a last resort, it is totally unreasonable.
It is something absolutely frozen and cold. A form of petrified rage. It is behind the demand for more and more and more, "I am owed everything."
This is very deep and dark isn't it? I think I have an idea of what you might mean.....that all of us who have been abused, somewhere, deep and dark inside of us.....there is still a rage that is frozen in place. I don't like to admit that that is possible but I suppose it's possible. If so, I am not aware of it. It would be a forgotten memory, I guess.
I don't get the "I'm owed everything" part at all though, unless you mean that there is resentment there, with that rage, that says I am owed love, respect, kindness, safety, warmth, gentleness, etc from my parents because that is what parents are supposed to be/do. Again, if so, I am not aware of this resentment, but others may be.
I can deny it and say I am not that or accept it as a part of me and see the other side of it which is probably quite beautiful,...
I can admit that this might be a part of me that I haven't noticed but I fail to see any possible beauty on any side of it. It would be very ugly, in that case and if it's there, I hope it stays there, unless some nutbar tries to abuse me, in a life or death situation, and in that case, I hope it rises to surface and scares the tar outta that nutbar.
Recognizing that each of us chose specific events in our lives to react to, and that each of those reactions could result in more than one way of reacting (the abandoned one can either be the victim or the future abandoner...
I think, as an abused child, I had no choice but to react because I was immature. It's hard to ignor being abused and I didn't choose those events.
But guilt shame and blame always seems to be a thoroughly relished topic.
I don't like your choice of words here......"relished"??? People who have been abused "relish" talking about the topics guilt, shame and blame???
Are you really serious???

Maybe you didn't mean it that way?
I'm wondering about that core of rage produced by that feeling....... but it comes out negatively in my experience. How do I transform it into love?
If you really believe that there is a deep, dark core of rage at the root of your soul, I suggest you do your best to release it, in ways that will not harm others. It doesn't sound like a good thing to be carrying around. If it comes out at the wrong times, toward the wrong people, in the wrong circumstances, I can easily understand your concern and your desire to change it. However, I'm not sure we can change rage into love but I do believe we can rid ourselves of anger and do our best to focus on loving, rather than carting our rage around and letting little bits of it out toward those who do not deserve it.
Best of luck to you.
GFN