This one should be a bit of light relief - of a kind. Could do with some.
Last night, on the way home from the May Fair, C and I decided that we could do with doing more of the same. We decided to find out if Ngran was going to a carboot this morning, and then either C or both of us could tag along, just for the hell of it. I absolutely hate carboot sales, but you have to try these things, sometimes, don't you?
So C rang Ngran from the car, and arranged to be there, at Gran's house, at 7.45 this morning, to go with her. I promised to get her there.
We got up a bit late, but not too bad, and arrived at 7.49. There was nobody around; she had gone without C.
I said, no worries, I know where they have gone. So we drove to where I thought the carboot was, and it wasn't. No idea where they were, so we came home for breakfast instead.
I said to C, we must not react to this; leave it to Ngran. Let's just see. I told her that her gran is very selfish, and does what she likes with no concern for anyone else, but that when we hear from her there will be a thousand reasons why what she did was ok and not hurtful.
I said if there is a message on our answerphone asking where we are, and that she has to go, for some reason, but is really sorry, then I would take back every word. No message. Dialled 1471. No calls since yesterday.
So we waited, and then came a phone call from Ngran. Now, she never, ever, ever rings anyone, so straight away I knew she is feeling guilty. I kept it really really calm and straight, like I don't give a damn. I just said hello, so she didn't know what to say, but in the end asked about this morning. I said we were there at ten to eight, but you had gone. You told C 7.45 didn't you? She said, no, twenty to. (Lie No 1
). I said, you told C to come at 7.45. She said, no, quarter past (seven). (Lie No 2)
I said, well never mind, we just came home again. No big deal. Then I said goodbye.
C and I laughed our heads off at this, then came the next call; co-dependent called to the rescue. My dad. Saying what do you think?
MUM IS VERY VERY UPSET, BECAUSE SHE NEVER LETS ANYONE DOWN, AND SHE IS VERY UPSET. I said no big deal, tell her to forget it (not about to feed her 'pity me' game. No problem. Put the phone down. C and I fall about on the floor about Ngran being upset
because she got found out, not because she hurt her granddaughter.
Manipulative old bag then manages coup de theatre par excellence. You really have got to hand it to her. Dad phones back, says there is car boot this morning, and another this afternoon. They will take C if she wants to go. C says she will think about it (not fussed at all; not at all wanting to go any more.)
One hour later Gran and Grandad knock at the door to collect her and take her to car boot, which grandad doesn't want to go to, but gran of course is dying to get to, but needs C as reason for going. Then she can be forced to go, like a martyr, when really she is dying to be there, and grandad can't stand taking her, because he is like me, he hates them.
And by then, the excuses had got quite sophisticated. The next door neighbour (a man I know well, who would
certainly have waited for C if he had known.) wanted to get back in an hour because his son was playing football, so they were in a rush and couldn't wait, and because he was taking Gran, she couldn't ask him to wait, because it would not have been polite. <Insert rude word of your choice expressing contempt for pack of lies here.>
C thought for a while, then decided she would go. Dad then says to me, you are coming, aren't you? I need a driver. I said no, not likely.
(Not about to fall for that one!! Next would be, I drive them in my car, he goes home in his. No way!!!)
So they are there, and I am here, and Ngran has manipulated herself from being a selfish old woman who couldn't wait five minutes for her granddaughter to arrive, into the world's most loving gran, with
almost no loss of face. <Feeling rather sick now
>
