reality check - hoping for feedback, please?

[mudpuppy]

Hi Anna,

Since they have custody of her, would moving nearer to her do any good anyway?
They can deny you visitation if you live a block down the street or a thousand miles away can't they?
If that is true they would play the puppet masters even more, I would think.
Am I right or would you be able to force them to let you see her more if you lived closer?

mudpup

[d'smom]

Hi Anna,

Since they have custody of her, would moving nearer to her do any good anyway?
They can deny you visitation if you live a block down the street or a thousand miles away can't they?
If that is true they would play the puppet masters even more, I would think.
Am I right or would you be able to force them to let you see her more if you lived closer?

mudpup

hi mudpuppy :} boy do i need a cool green pond today. actually you read my thoughts.   ..... after writing that i really took awhile trying to visualise how i could make something like that work.. what the reality would be.. and feeling stymied and depressed so i took a nap.

the last thing i thought before falling asleep was that even if i lived closer,  theres no way they would let me just drop by to see her, they would come up with all kinds of excuses anyway, and just use it as further excuse to torture us..  the whole thing could easily become even more greatly enmeshed and escalated than it is.....

its a good idea, but there would really be no guarantee i could see her much more than now, and the puppetmaster thing would definitely be exponentially increased .....   they would love it if they thought they had even more strings to dangle me by. i hate that becuase, it would be great to live close and see her every weekend or something. realistically though.. they would never let it happen that way.

on top of that i would be in an isolated environment with little social support (except here hopefuly??) and it could really be destabilising for me emotionally....  i would love so much to be closer to her....... but, i think my intuition is correct that it would be largely playing into their game......(that doesnt mean i wont do it though, if it would be useful legally.)

really the thing that must happen is changing the terms of (or having revoked) their guardianship.  they wont give me squat if they arent required to, i realy think thats the truth. it will be just be further excuse to hang me out to dry.

so i just really have to figure out if being closer will make it easier to pursue changing the guardianship....... thats something im not sure of yet......

so all this is helping me learn and think it through.  and i really appreciate it.  
thanks so much all.
d's mom

[mum]

Hey, ((((((Anna))))))
just thinking you could use a hug.
Sending you better things....bright light and your daughter home with you...I see it, I'm sure you do too.

[Brigid]

Anna,
This may seem like a totally bizarre idea, but I'll throw it out anyway and you can write it off to Brigid being crazy again.  How about you send your story to the Dr. Phil show and see if he might be willing to intervene on your behalf.  The only reason I suggest this is that I saw a show (actually there were several shows about this situation that took place over time) where a woman had lost custody of her twin daughters to her very wealthy x-husband.  The mother had reason to believe that the daughters were not safe and well cared for in his custody, but she did not have the resources to fight this powerful man.  Dr. Phil was able to get professionals involved and the courts involved and the woman was reunited with her daughters recently.   Dr. Phil is always about what is best for the children and I'm sure he would have great concerns over your daughter's writings and why that is happening.

Just a thought.  My prayers continue to be with you and your daughter.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

This may seem like a totally bizarre idea, but I'll throw it out anyway and you can write it off to Brigid being crazy again. How about you send your story to the Dr. Phil show and see if he might be willing to intervene on your behalf.

It wouldn't hurt to try.  Use anything you can at this point.

(((Anna)))

Wishing you and your daughter the best.
Mia

[d'smom]

mum, brigid, mia,
your so kind to my frazzledness. thank you so much.

the dr phil thing is not a strange idea. ive wanted to do that for a long time. ive got a list of tv people that i think might be sympathetic actually, and done research into approaching them.

part of whats held me back is feeling unsure about my voice.

one of the things that is so extremely healing for me about being here, is gaining confidence in my voice again.... not feeling like im going to blow it or screw it up beucase i 'asked wrong'.....  all this whole thing was a big blow to my confidence..... i just reverted to being three and froze there, when nothing i say makes any difference, and the answer is always no.  

being here is helping my confidence so im starting to be able to really envision making something like that work.

for awhile now ive wanted to put up a website with all the details and use that to refer people to. then start publicising the story through various groups and trying to attract advocates who would help me appear in court. its a good idea for a story like mine.

ive been too afraid thinking i wouldnt 'say' it right.  so this is really healing me and helping me do what i realy need to do, beucase i think theres actually a good chance that could be helpful.
i so much appreaciate the chance to heal my voice again. it could really be what makes the difference in me solving this problem. 100% true.
anna

[d'smom]

The only reason I suggest this is that I saw a show (actually there were several shows about this situation that took place over time) where a woman had lost custody of her twin daughters to her very wealthy x-husband..... Dr. Phil was able to get professionals involved and the courts involved and the woman was reunited with her daughters recently.

btw brigid, this was the Bridget Marks case, as you may know..... we all watched this case intently and she was seen as kind of the 'poster child' for a lot of women in this situaton.....since she was being able to bring so much publicity to it.......

theres no question dr phil was instrumental in getting her kids back and raising a lot of awareness for all women who struggle with this.

it was a little bittersweet, of course we were all ecstatic that she got her kids back, (as well as extremely surprised) but it was also kind of a bummer beucase it showed once again that pretty much, money and influence talks in these situations........ so we werent realy sure how much good it was going to ultimately do for all the 'regular women' who dont have access to the resources she did.....  

however, we hoped very much that it would bring attention to the issue and raise awareness. that was an amazing case and we all did follow it very closely and with a lot of hope. she fought hard, and she got her kids.
take care
anna

[Anonymous]

Dear ((((((Anna))))):

Ya know, I think Brigid's crazy idea makes sense (hee hee ).  Really!!

Why not?   How much public exposure do you think your father would like?
Maybe he wouldn't like that very much at all?
Maybe he would decide to cooperate before being brought to national television?
Maybe it might work and Dr. Phil would intervene?
Maybe he (n-dad) would love to be on TV and a bigger celeb??
Maybe he would end up being the nice guy and giving in, rather than look bad?
I like Brigid's crazy idea a lot!!

Also.  Re moving closer.  I think I would only move closer as a last resort, and that....only maybe 1/2 way.  The last thing you want is to live near these people who have caused such havock in your life.  Once you do get custody, which Mum has seen and I believe her, you won't probably want to live near them!!     Then what?  Move again?  Start all over?  Only move if you have a job lined up, is my advice.

Better.  I think you're right to stay where you are comfortable, where you feel safe, where you have a life, a job, where there are a few friends, where you have a home etc.  These are all necessary for courts to give custody.  They don't give custody if you don't have a home, a job and some stability.  You are showing a very stable situation and the longer it is stable, the better.  You are doing a great job of that Anna!!   Way to go!! All that struggling!  All that hard work!!  Good for you!!  Keep going girl!!!

(((((((((Anna))))))))

GFN