one night stands

[just peeking in]

I guess I'm a chicken when it comes to entertaining the thought of having a one night stand.  Maybe if someone gives me a million dollars to do it, then, maybe, then I might give it a second thought.

Thinking about all the girls, hmmm, maybe guys that man has had before me just gives me the icky feeling.  You never know he could be a lying ass bisexual.  Too much distractions to enjoy it.

[Bliz]

To Bunny,
It took me years to figure this out.  The one night stands were years ago too.  I couldnt do that now.  I think taking a break from sex any maybe even from dating, is a good idea while we are working through are issues.

[Anonymous]

I guess I can be classified as a stick in the mud.

Never had a one night stand...never will.  

It would be against what I am all about.  Not to mention that it is downright risky and dangerous.

Mia

[Stormchild]

I had one nightstand when I was a little kid, because I shared my bedroom with my Nsib and each of us got to use one of the pair.

When I got my own room I got two nightstands and I've always had two, ever since.

               

[Stormchild]

Interesting thread
I haven't had sex with another person (or anything else alive , please....) for er....counts on fingers....4+ years.

Ewwwww Portia, you're a necrophile?[/b]              

I thought it was bad enough that Luco Brazzi sleeps with the fishes...

[Plucky]

I think a one night stand can be kind of icky, from a germ point of view, or from a safety point of view, but it doesn't really have to be that big of a deal.    If I have a night with a stranger and it results in some pleasure and nothing bad happens, I don't see why I should be forever damaged due to it.  Unless I was bringing that damage or expectation of damage to the situation, and then it would actually be my own feelings and internal dialogue that created the damage.

As girls we got the message that we have to save it, and be pure, and be hard to get, and not enjoy it, and if not we are dirty, and worthless, and low.  If that is the tape playing in your head, then of course it will be a traumatizing experience, even if in the moment you went along or even engineered the event.

So if you think deep down that ONS are really bad, obviously it is not for you.  Or if you are using sex or attention as a drug.  And for people with N parents, maybe there is more chance of that being a damaged area to avoid.

Personally, I have so many issues to address now, sex is the very last thing I want to throw into the mix.  So, my opinion is hypothetical.
Plucky

[dogbit]

I had one nightstand when I was a little kid, because I shared my bedroom with my Nsib and each of us got to use one of the pair.

When I got my own room I got two nightstands and I've always had two, ever since.

And the above is the perfect example of why I am glad you are still posting!         Bittles

[jophil]

Hey Brigid, When you first posted that you had been 'curling', I assumed that you meant snuggling up with a glass of vino and a book on the sofa. However,after a few more posts and more mentions of 'curling' , I do believe that there is more to it  than I know so, what is 'curling'.Is it better than sex? Maybe it is as good as ballroom dancing!

Johnimo

[write]

I seem to have opened up a er can of worms...

So long as we all know the difference between a relationship and perfunctory sex....

[Anonymous]

Stormy,

   

[Brigid]

Hi John,

Sorry to be hijacking once again, but thought I better do my part to further the knowledge of curling.  

As much as I enjoy the "sport" of curling up on the couch with a book and glass of wine, there actually is the sport of curling.  It was even in the last Olympics and you will see it again in 2006.  It involves "throwing" (actually sliding) 34(?) pound granite stones and sweeping with brooms (and men even choose to participate   ) on sheets of ice.  It is similar to shuffleboard, but on ice.  It originated in Scotland, and is very popular in Canada.  We have more curling facilities (it is done indoors) than any other US state.  I couldn't tell you if Australia had a team in the last Olympics, but long-time curlers at my club could.

I am actually driving my convertible VW bug in our local parade today with signs supporting our curling club.  I have my t-shirt on that says "I'd rather be curling."  

Its probably not better than sex (although not everyone would agree), but might be more fun than ballroom dance because curling is always followed by drinking and having fun.

Hope this clears up the confusion.  Have a g'day down under.  I'd LOVE to visit there some day.

Cheers,

Brigid

[Brigid]

PS  The beauty of curling is that you can start doing it at 54 years of age and actually be pretty darn good.  (at least they tell me I have a knack for it.)

B.

[mudpuppy]

As girls we got the message that we have to save it, and be pure, and be hard to get,

That's exactly the message we're teaching our daughter. What's the alternative? Teach her the message to frequently give it away to strangers, be impure and easy?
 

and not enjoy it, and if not we are dirty, and worthless, and low.

It does not follow that teaching someone, boy or girl, to be virtuous means we have to teach them sex is unenjoyable or dirty. Quite the opposite.

Can anyone here with a child honestly say they have taught that child that one night stands are perfectly fine?
Can anyone here say they hope their child grows up to engage in a series of one night stands with strangers?
If that kind of stuff isn't good enough for our daughters then why do adults settle for it?

Just because sex is lotsa fun doesn't make it a frivolous game without consequences. Go watch the teenagers coming and going at an abortion clinic if it seems just a game. They listened to somebody who told them NOT to save it and not be pure, that its just a little innocent fun, but they don't seem to be smiling.

mudpup

[Plucky]

Quote:
As girls we got the message that we have to save it, and be pure, and be hard to get,  

That's exactly the message we're teaching our daughter. What's the alternative? Teach her the message to frequently give it away to strangers, be impure and easy?
Quote:
and not enjoy it, and if not we are dirty, and worthless, and low.

It does not follow that teaching someone, boy or girl, to be virtuous means we have to teach them sex is unenjoyable or dirty. Quite the opposite.

I thought we were talking about adults here.  If this same message is causing you grief and diffilculty at the age of 45, I say it is time to dump it.  I think I'll bow out of this discussion - it's geeting a bit testy.
Plucky

[bunny]

Realistically, I don't think anyone is going to teach their daughters to pursue casual one-night stands. I was taught NOTHING about sex by my parents one way or the other. It just wasn't mentioned at all, ever. So I learned from my friends, from the movies, novels, and boy was I confused. Fortunately, I always had some vague boundaries preventing me from totally sharing myself with men who were as confused as I was.

Anyway - I think having one-nighters is sad and lonely and that is my judgment on it aside from the disease/danger factor. I don't have friends who practice casual sex because it would depress the hell out of me. But if there are people for whom it is in some way a growth experience (i.e. they are trying to learn about attachment) then I am going to try to understand.

bunny